A
female
age
30-35,
*ovejulie
writes:To be very honest, I am very happy with my relationship. Before ever saying yes to my boyfriend, we were best friends and accepting to take our friendship to a new level has opened me up to so many new, wonderful experiences. So what's the problem?We used to go to the same church together. I stopped attending not too long ago, and you'll understand why as I go on. The pastor's wife has always wanted for my boyfriend and her daughter to end up together.. and she's doing her best to make that a possibility. (Just as background info if it matters, we both know her daughter, she flirts with my boyfriend, but he's very respectful of our relationship, and doesn't pay any attention to her).The pastor's wife once took his phone, deleted all pictures of me and replaced it for one of her daughter. Another time, she took a marker and wrote on the back of his shirt her daughter's name and my boyfriend's together. She's also told him that her daughter is the woman God has planned for him and not me, and she suspects we've had sex, which we have.. Side note: that's another reason I stopped going to church also aside from all that. I can't bring myself to sit there, knowing I am going against the bible.Back to the story, so she told him that God showed her a vision of me pregnant, and the child was his. (Obviously, we are both young and a child isn't in our plans). So she then begged him not to ever have sex with me, as that would surely be the consequence although I'm on birth control and we always use a condom just as backup.He usually ignores most of the crazy things she does or says, but this really got to him. We do have very open communication, and we usually sit and talk everything out. As we were talking about this today, and he finished telling me this story, he then went on to say "I don't want us to make love anymore."Which I do respect because that is his decision.. but it's a little awkward.. as he is the person I lost my virginity to (and have ever had sex with), and now he suddenly doesn't want to have sex anymore as according to her, if we do, I am sure to be with child sometime soon.Now, if his reason would be "I want to fully commit to the word of God, and that means us having no more sex." then I would be more understanding, and I could deal with that. But that's not the case.. Help please, I love my boyfriend. What would you do if you were me?I've asked him to stop attending, but he says he goes to hear the word of God, not for anything or anyone else. The pastor IS a good man, but I'm not sure about his wife, and that's the nicest thing I can say.PS sorry this is so long, but the details I think are necessary to get my point accross. I am supposed to meet up with her tomorrow for a nice confrontation, and I plan to set things clear although my boyfriend has already tried this and nothing has changed. Please help, I don't know what to do. I don't want our relationship to end up suffering because of this. What would you do?
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male
reader, Illithid +, writes (4 January 2010):
 Honestly... it doesn't seem that this church is bringing EITHER of you closer to God. If he wants to hear the word of God, there are likely multiple churches in the area he could go to. Right now, you're not going at all and he's hearing more about this pastor's daughter than he is about God's son. How about you find another church that you think he might be interested in and ask him to come with you, for both of your sakes. Barring that, perhaps a meeting with either the pastor himself or another church elder would help.
Biblically speaking, the way to handle it is listed in Matthew 18:15-17. Your boyfriend has already spoken to her one-on-one about this. Next, bring a third party into this to moderate. If that fails, bring the matter to the church elders. If that also fails, then you are to "treat [her] as you would a pagan or a tax collector." If the pastor is unwilling to control his daughter's actions and his wife's meddling, then he loses two members of the congregation as he's no longer putting God's work ahead of his family's earthly desires, even going so far as to allow his wife and daughter to prophesy falsely.
Don't just go off on her one-on-one yourself. Your boyfriend has already done that and if you do it again yourself, all you'll do is come off as the emotional girlfriend that this girl is already trying to get rid of. It will NOT convince her to back off, but you MIGHT say something that would work against you. You're MUCH better getting a third party involved at this point. Please ask a church elder to sit down with all of you: yourself, your boyfriend, this girl, and the girl's mother. This is affecting the church congregation and is unbecoming and immature of the pastor's family. Either an elder will help, or the church is not a healthy place for either of you.
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