A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I hope this doesn't sound too silly and immature. But sometimes, people just don't know what to make of a situation or how to put a question into intelligible and/or coherent words and thoughts...My best friend (whom is a man) and I have been best friends since we were eight years old. We're both now twenty-one and both student-teachers with the same values and morals. We somehow grew into the type of people we each need and desire in the opposite sex. We've almost literally done everything together; except the "inappropriate" physicality of it all.We've both dated our fair share of people in the past and have each had our "green monsters" come out and not know what we were feeling at the time. Not that it matters at all, but we have a bit of a culture/religious difference. He's a practicing Christian Mexican-American and I'm a non-religious Irish-American. But we're so similar and have such a fantastic time together all the time that it really doesn't matter.The other night, however, I was in my apartment grading papers for my first graders and he was over to sort of help out. (He was mostly watching some anime show on YouTube on my laptop.) Without looking up, I held out my hand to point him in the direction of a manila folder I needed to look at and he got up to retrieve it. He came back and I could actually feel his hesitation. He then took my hand and kissed it. I, of course, immediately looked up and he said quickly, "You're an amazing teacher, you know that?" And I blushed.I have plenty of other examples of him showing that kind of affection. Examples that go back to freshman year of high school. Mostly he profusely compliments my cooking; especially since most of what I make is Mexican food and desserts. I've also caught him staring at me with a sort of admiring smile on his face and lately, I've noticed him making up any excuse to get physically closer to me.I know all of that constitutes as a possible infatuation he has with me and believe me, I've thought about what it would be like to date him as well. But of course, there has to be a catch: I currently have a boyfriend of two years. Today, in fact, was our two year anniversary, and he was really on edge about my relationship with my best friend.My boyfriend claims my best friend and I are too close and that he's noticed him on numerous occasions staring at me longingly. That he also flirts with me and my boyfriend swears that my best friend wants to have sex with me, or at least see me naked.Now that I've typed all this up, it seems really ridiculous but I'd still like some insight considering I currently do have a significant other. Although, I'm very iffy with my feelings for him... I apologize for how this sounds (obvious and everything else), but a little advice would help. Thanks.
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male
reader, Illithid +, writes (4 January 2010):
 Ouch... tough one, truly. But you have to make a choice. If you intend to stay with your boyfriend, then he's right that your best friend IS too close. You're spending significant time alone with this other man that's CLEARLY infatuated with you (and you're possibly feeling the same for him) and now he's even kissed your hand. If you want to make things with with your boyfriend, you HAVE to back off from your best friend. You don't NECESSARILY have to stop being friends altogether, but avoid being ALONE with him as you figure out your feelings. Otherwise, I hate to say it, but you ARE being inappropriately close to a man that isn't your boyfriend.
On the other hand, if you are leaning towards loving your best friend more than your boyfriend, you have to be honest about that with yourself and with both men involved. If you want to stay this close to your best, then perhaps you need to break up with your boyfriend. At the LEAST, you need to be honest with your boyfriend about your feelings for your best if you cannot bring yourself to back off.
Right now, you're trying to have your cake and eat it too. But all you're going to do is hurt both of them, and yourself too. You can't play both sides, at least not for long. I promise you that it will all blow up in your face sooner or later if you try.
Your best friend wants to date you, clearly. And your boyfriend also wants to, since he is already with you. Take a little time alone, and take some time talking to your girl friends about this, and decide who you want. Then back off from the other one.
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