A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Myself and my partner have known each other for nearly 10 years we first got together when i was 15 and he was 20, that relationship lasted just over 2 and a half years. It wasn't a great relationship i was needy and dependant and he was never home and cheated on me more than once, in the end he left me. I moved on and had a son who is now 5, he also moved on and has a son who is now 3. I never stopped loving him and just over 2 years ago we got back in touch. The relationship was fantastic at first he worshipped the ground i walked on and likewise i did him. I soon fell pregnant and we now have a son together who is 1. My Partner can be so loving he has supported me fully through a recent operation i had and at times can be my rock. My problem is our arguments they start over the sillyest things. Although more recently i have raised the issue of how he treats our sons differently. His son from a previous relationship stays with us every weekend i care for him alongside my 2 in the evenings as my partner works. I have always treated the children the same, for example punishments, rewards for whatever will always be the same, i do love his son and enjoy the time we spend together while my partner works. I do everything for the children, i feed bathe and clothe them all. I spend time with and cuddle all of them i dont want any of them to feel left out. My partner on the other hand constntly over compensates with his own son as he only sees him at weekends and the childs mother is a bit of a party animal and basically has the child as a meal ticket. My Partner refuses to disipline his son and basically allows him to rule the roost, when my partner is home his son is rude, ignorant and thinks nothing of hitting out if he doesnt get his own way he constantly plays myself and my partner off against each other because he knows if i have said No then "daddy" will ultimately say Yes, while my partner is at work he is good as gold because he knows when i say No it means No. Alternatively my partner is so harsh with my eldest son, My son has to watch what he says and does, he gets called a lier for anything and everything and is constantly sent out of the room or has his toys taken away for the most minor of things. He was quite unruly when myself and my partner got back together, which i credit my partner for, for turning him around. Now he is a lovely, loving little boy who apart from the usual childish naughtyness cannot be faulted. My partner screams at him until he is in tears and i found out this weekend that My partner told him he can not go to a kids club at school because he is a lier my son broke his heart when he told me, which broke mine too. I raised the issue with my partner and told him that him treating the children so differently has got to stop. To which he flew into a rage and completely disregarded everything i had to say telling me there is no way he will ever treat them the same. The argument soon got out of control and he did what he always does and began to insult me, he tells me i am stupid, useless, that the children would be better off without me, i am lazy, i do nothing for anyone and my existance is poinless....this is just a handful of the insults i get when we argue. I never usually respond. The normal course of events is he gets like this and i end up hurt and upset usually sat in tears somewhere while he shouts more abuse. This time however i couldnt hold back all i thought about was my son and what he had told me. I then attempted to be just as nasty in return. My partner got even more angry and told me he only has one son, that i am the worst thing that has ever happened to him and the only thing he cares about it his son from his previous relationship. He then carried this on for 2 days last night reduceing my son to tears in front of me bacause of what he had told me. I obviously stuck up for my son. My partners mood seems to be lifting a little, but the whole thing is just spinning round in my head, i just feel lost right now.
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female
reader, angelDlite +, writes (17 January 2011):
 hi
he is a verbal bully. maybe he resents the fact that your son is with you and him full time but he only sees his own son at weekends. he should NOT be roaring at a little boy until he is in tears and he should not be doing it to you either.
he seems to have no respect for you or the family life you are making. apart from the way he is abusing you, (and it IS abuse - his words have a longer lasting effect than a smack in the face!) a 5 year old child should not have to live constantly in fear from another tirade of verbal abuse from him, for seemingly no reason, and then to be too scared to tell his mum because that will make more trouble for himself.
it is not acceptable whatsoever, if he cares for his family at all he needs to learn to handle situations better, maybe even go to an anger management course. he needs to start opening up and telling you honestly, and calmly what is on his mind
xx
A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 January 2011): I don't have any advice for you as I cant even begin to imagine what you are going through, but I feel for your and your children especially your son from a previous relationship who is just a kid and has to hear nasty comments from that horrible bully of a partner.
I know you are a family now and you said he can be supportive but from what you have said, it sounds like a terrible place for your little five year old to be in, please think carefully about this relationship and I hope some of the other Aunts who have more experience than me on this topic can provide some more practica advice.
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A
female
reader, ssaarraahh  +, writes (17 January 2011):
 this isnt a very gud thing to do, but u might want to remarry. then ull have new thoughts and this thing will stop spinning in ur head automaticly
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