A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:i've been talking to this girl for a couple of months now. we both got out of really crappy relationships and things moved at a very rapid pace. it wasn't intentional or planned, it just kind of naturally happened that way. she even told me she loved me about a week ago. caught me completely off guard.well for the past few days she's been seeming to blow me off. she'll make plans then cancel them etc. and it really frustrates me. i can't stand when that happens. and i've gotten a little aggitated with her to say the least. i expressed how it makes me feel and that i don't like it. her response is always to say can she make it up to me the next day? well the next day it's the same. something comes up. i told her last night i wasn't having it and i wouldn't keep putting up with being blown off. she admitted that she's gotten scared to put her all into something just to have it end or be left. i told her that i was unwilling to stick around and give 100% effort to only get half at best back. that maybe she needed to take some time to think about if she was capable or willing to give her all. then i went to bed.a few hours later, she sent me a text around 2 am telling me how it killed her to not have heard from me and how sorry she is for making me feel the way i felt. that she really wanted to meet up and talk today so we could understand each other and get on the same page, and how sorry she was. well today rolls around...and she bails on me again. this time i got pissed and pretty much told her we were done if it happened again. she then told me that i'm really intense and she's not used to having someone actually care about her in a relationship. to just be patient with her and let her adjust to it. i don't understand what that means. i honestly don't even feel like i'm that intense. i just expect if she tells me we're going to hang out, that she's going to stick to it. i asked her if she just needed me to back off and she said no. she didn't want me to back off but to just give her time to adjust. i'm really confused. please help me understand what the hell is going on. thank you.
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female
reader, Dorothy Dix  +, writes (4 August 2011):
Hello again. It seems then like she is perhaps afraid of commitment so soon.
If the breakups of your past relationships were very recent, well then neither of you are probably ready for a new relationship just yet.
Maybe you could keep it at being just friends for now, and keep the sex right out of it until you get to know each other better.
You do need to tell her this, don't let her make an assumption which might be completely wrong. Just be totally honest with her.
Communication is really important in all relationships. And in particular, very clear communication.
Then you both know exactly where you stand. That's important.
Then with clarity, you can proceed from there.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 August 2011): talk to her. i'm sure she's also confused. communication problem. if u really love her. want your relationship work do something. she already told u she love you. find a way to make her comfortable with you. show that you have good intension.
honestly i feel u don't love her. u only want sex with her. as u say. u just expect her ask u to hang out with you.
maybe the girl realized u don't have good intension.
if u really love her. proved....
i'm sure if she can feel u have good intention. next time she will make a plan it will not be cancelled.
goodluck!!!!!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 August 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionwe are both gay and came from other same sex relationships, as well. thanks for asking that. that's a good question.
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A
female
reader, Gay Agony Help  +, writes (2 August 2011):
Hey. I was in a relationship just like this. WAS being the key word!! From my personal experiences and those of friends, I'd say that ALOT of the time, these girls are bailing on you and making it seem like it's your fault because they are either scared to commit, or they are seeing someone else. If it's the scared to commit one, it's as bad as the seeing other people thing because the girls thy blow hot and then cold and have commitment issues, tend to always have commitment issues, or are just really good players! I hope you find happiness!!
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A
female
reader, Dorothy Dix +, writes (2 August 2011):
Hi there. First off, when you said you both recently got out of really crappy relationships, are you referring to same sex relationships (for both of you) - or opposite sex relationships?
I ask this because you do not clearly mention it here. And you are both female.
Because my answer will be a bit different depending on which it is.
If it was same sex relationships, well then on her part she's being careful about committing to another relationship too soon and risk getting hurt. Hence the hesitation.
If you were both previously in heterosexual relationships, well then it could be a fear in herself, and wondering now, where her sexuality lies. Going from a straight relationship to a gay relationship. If this is the case, she might be feeling a little confused.
Perhaps she's starting to have an identity crisis.
If you can clarify this for me, then I can help you further.
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A
male
reader, 2old4this +, writes (2 August 2011):
 See, women just as crazy as men, LOL. I'm just playin. Anyway my current wife was the same way when we were dating. I love her but I stuck around when I should have left. We did split up for a while because she wasn't done being a kid, running around acting crazy behind my back. She had to grow up and I suspect this girl does too. Back off for a while and live life. If it's meant to be it will be, but later.
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