A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I've been dating "N" (29)for the past two years. Of course, everything was great at first. We moved in together and though he has many great qualities, I feel myself falling quickly out of love. I am stressed, depressed and there's a lot going on in my life right now. He doesn't understand when I really just don't want sex. 1. I'm not on birth control and he refuses condoms so I can't enjoy the act/don't want to do it because of pregnancy risk. I told him no and he said, "it's not like your p***y is made of gold." I told him that I'd be the one taking care of the child if one was conceived and he said he'd have to provide while I "relaxed." I said, "Are you kidding? I'd still have to work! No way could I stay home and 'relax.' My car was recently repossessed and I have two jobs to get to. He helps out sometimes but sadly, I've been relying on friends or Uber more. Unless I ask him or something, he rarely offers and he's home all day... Wednesday I had an appointment to meet with the car people and figure how to salvage my credit, he made other plans after I had asked him and he explained that he forgot. Okay, he's human. I scheduled again for today and I reminded him last night. Nothing. I cried I was just so upset. My co-worker who noticed I didn't go offered to take me and I felt like shit because an almost-stranger seemed to care more than him. I'm exhausted. I work overnight and then, go to a second job from 8pm - 5pm so I can get my life back together. I know I'm not his responsibility but is it too much to ask for a little understanding and support? I literally had $4.70 left in my account and couldn't afford an Uber after I've been taking them the past two weeks. I feel drained. Our lease ends next July. I don't know what to do. I just feel this relationship is slowly dying on my side. He says he loves me and I care for him too but I feel like I'm with a teenager sometimes. I stopped talking to a friend of mine because he said my boyfriend wasn't a man, now I wonder if his words didn't have some truth. I don't want or need to be babied but I feel alone. My situation is my own I know but I'm so disappointed.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 August 2017): Your financial difficulties are paralysing you so you need to get some legal advice as you will be feeling overwhelmed.
Sarcastically telling you that your pussy isnt made of gold shows you that bf is prepared to knock you down mentally for a quick bit of pussy.
Maybe you could see if you can break the lease and opt out early.
You need to drop the second job as you will be heading for a breakdown and become unsafe on your primary job/career.
The joker isnt going to help you out so reshuffle the cards and see if you can declare yourself bankrupt and start life afresh.
Relocate.
Six years from now and you wont be looking back!
A
male
reader, judgedick  +, writes (19 August 2017):
 YOU LIVE TOGETHER, did you work out who pays for what or does he let you pay for most things while he thinks he is ok paying half the rent,
you need to look at where your money is going, it looks as if you're just sharing a bed and he is not putting his shoulder to the wheel.
IF you get out of the relationship will you have more financial difficulties?
You are not on birth control and he refuses condoms plus he does not respect you
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A
male
reader, Riot2017  +, writes (18 August 2017):
OP,Does this man even WORK? Does he helps you out with the monthly expenses? Can he afford giving you a ride to work or even help you out in something? If the guy is not working, is flaky with all his promises, it's not taking his share of responsibilities at home, and you have to work two jobs to meet ends, then he is either your pimp or like you mention, he is a grown up with the brain of a teenager.I think you deserve a better man. A guy that does not work and pull his weight up on a relationship, is a guy that has no self respect. I'm not saying not having work is bad (it's very normal in this economy), but not actively looking for work, not doing the effort to change the status quo, to change the situation of both, to improve your lifestyle and prospects at life, it's a guy that has no interest in a better life. The way this guy is right now it's the way he is going to be for the rest of his life.My sister, highly educated and with high paying jobs fell several times for guys like this that only took advantage of her. You don't want to be taken advantage of. Fortunately she did not marry any of those dudes.IMHO, I think you would be better off by yourself. Evaluate the pros and cons, think on what he brings to the table in your relationship, and if what he brings in is enough for you to stay or to quit.Also, PLEASE, whenever you have an extra amount of cash and you can afford it, GO TO THERAPY. You could have the same self-esteem issue as my sister, which caused her to end up with jerks all of the time. A therapist will also help you cope with your depression.If you are working two jobs and not having enough cash at the end of the month, there is a problem in there, and this man may be draining your pocket.YOU DESERVE BETTER!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 August 2017): I couldn't agree with wise owl more .. he is definitely not pulling his fair share .. he seems to like the fact your in the situation your in and that isn't fair on you .
You need to reevaluate what you have .. as being honest your not very happy .. and your stressed and you get no emotional or physical support . Plus being honest what person you live with let's you suffer financial esp when you are trying your best to recover ..
I think it's best to move on but I'm not you I can only advise as to me other than. Maybe by leaving it will frightening him into actually becoming more caring or there for you I don't know .. it may start the convo you need but I would go into the talk with hoping for the best but the realisation this may never recover .
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 August 2017): EDIT "...he can come after you for your unpaid share of the rend or utilities."
I meant to say:
"...he can come after you for your unpaid share of the rent or utilities."
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 August 2017): Being in a relationship demands that we offer our partners our fullest-support. Trust is built and rests on our honesty, loyalty, and reliability. Kindness is a must. It's not an option. I couldn't stay with someone who wouldn't be there for me through my darkest-hours and tough-times. That's what love is about. Taking care of each other, standing-up for each other, and protecting each other.
He doesn't have to pay your bills or make up for your poor budgeting. He should at least help get you to work. That's a boyfriend's duty! It's where you earn your share of the bill money!!! It's like he wants to watch you drown.
When all that fails, what's left?
You're falling out of love; because he's falling short of your needs. He's immature as your friend suggested, and all the evidence supports it. Placing all the responsibility for birth-control on you tells you a lot about where his head is at. The stupid things he says has no thought or wisdom behind them. He's a man-boy. A waste of time, and he certainly will drain you of patience and energy. Including your love and respect.
If he won't even stand-by you to get you to work; what could you expect from him if you got pregnant? And I beg to differ, your pussy is made of gold; or he wouldn't want it so bad! He refuses to use condoms? Excuse me?!! Then you better hide the gold!
You're working two jobs and you've got a lot on your plate.
You'll have to sign-over your share of the rental-deposit and break the lease; if you decide to move out.
Make sure you inform the landlord if you do. You don't want any legal liability for any damages to the property after your departure. Let him take full responsibility. You should move closer to work and use the bus-line. It's much cheaper.
Bear in-mind also; if you break the new lease, he can come after you for your unpaid share of the rend or utilities. So be sure you take care of your financial-responsibilities and maintain paid receipts for bills. Save cashed checks, copy of the broken-lease agreement, copies of the bills you've paid; and some form of acknowledgement from your landlord you are released from the lease agreement.
Don't bail-out and leave unpaid bills behind you.
You are not married. A rental-lease is not a marriage license. You can move out, and still workout your problems if you decide to remain a couple. I don't think your post suggests you want to stay. I think you want to breakup; and you want someone to advise if that's what you must do.
Weigh the pros and cons; and listen to your gut. I think your mind is already made-up; but make sure you think it out carefully, so you will not second-guess yourself later. Do what is practical and within good judgement.
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts  +, writes (18 August 2017):
 Why are you not on birth control of any sort? That's not a reason for you to have sex when you don't want to, but it's important that you take care of your own body and reproductive health, not relying on a condom that could break or be tampered with.Your boyfriend sounds like an irresponsible, self-entitled jerk. I honestly don't know why you put up with it.Are you able to use public transport and walking, or a mix of the two? Taxis can be more expensive than buses and trains.He has no ambition and doesn't work to contribute financially. You shouldn't continue living with him, whether you stay together or not. Get your own place or find a housemate who pays their way.
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