A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I've been with my boyfriend for four years now and feel that I'm stuck in huge rut and am finding it difficult to leave him. I've reached the stage that having sex with him is a chore and I don't really want to spend time with him. We are together but we lead seperate lives, I like him but I don't love him. I feel like we've been together for over a decade and are now acting like a boring old couple. He has been my rock through troubled times and has been my first long term boyfriend but is this enough?? I'm 26 and want to enjoy life not spend my life with someone who bores me to tears! We are renting a home together at the moment and leading a comfortable life, I'm scared of moving on and facing life on my own again. Since I've been with my boyfriend I've given up being a good friend and making more friends and am terrified of being lonely. What should I do??????? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, hlskitten +, writes (9 March 2008):
 Real tricky one. Ive been in a similar situation myself when i was 29. But had been with him 9 yrs. We had a 5 and 3 yr old. I even went to counselling because he was so lovely and i wanted to get the love back for him, but all the counselling did was help me come to terms with the fact the love wasn't coming back and i had to end things.
I wasn't worried though, about being on my own, i had been in 2 relationships since i was 15 with no break between and to be honest, i was like the cat that got the cream when i first got single.
All i can say is, make sure you know you cant get the love back, then take steps to talk to him, it will be the hardest thing you ever do probably, but once its done, you then need to find where you are going to live.
None of those things will be easy, but what is the alternative. You cant stay in a relationship thats not making you happy. If you're not happy, he wont be happy. And you both need to find people that you will be getting full enjoyment from.
My ex was heartbroken when we split. It took him a long time to come to terms with it, and i spent a long time feeling so guilty! But 7 yrs on, apart from me having a few short term relationships, i am now single, happily though, and he is settled living with someone, her kids, dog etc and happy as larry!! Which is great peace of mind for me. I like her too, they are good together.
Its time to take stock, and do whats right. You will both be fine in the future.
C xxxxxx
A
female
reader, starfairy +, writes (9 March 2008):
 I was in this situation, I was with a guy 4 years, the love went, and we just drifted on for a bit. Both too lazy and scared to break up. He ended up going away for a month with work, in that time I built up my network of friends, and got to test the waters with being on my own - not seeing anyone else, just not having him around and doing things on my own.
When he came back, we had a long chat, and I ended it. It was like a weight was lifted off my shoulders. It took me probably a good year to get over the relationship, if I'm honest. It's hard, being on your own, getting used to being with someone else, missing that comfortable feeling you had with him.
But at the end of the day, you're not happy. Every day, although you probably don't realise it, you are building up the courage to leave him. It will be harder seeing as you live together, but just start building a life that you can live without him, get back in touch with friends, find out if you can get out of the contract where you are living, spend time with family, enrol in aqua aerobics.
Good luck...xx
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A
male
reader, Paladin  +, writes (9 March 2008):
 I suggest you politely tell him how you feel and move on. From the sounds of it you will be doing him a favor. Think about it, you said he had been your "rock through troubled times" and yet you have never had the decency to share your feelings long before you let this situation get to this point. And now all you talk about is how lonely and scared you are of facing life on your own. It sounds to me like you are unappreciative and selfish and he would be better off in the long run without you. These feelings didn't just come about and it appears you have done nothing to resolve them. Naturally he is equally to blame in much of this but you are the one who posted this so you get the answer. I guess the disturbing part in all this is that you are asking how to get out rather than how to possibly get the romance back. I feel bad for the guy who has been with someone for four years and after all that time all she can think about is how to get rid of him. thats just cold.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 March 2008): Don't you think using your boyfriend (basically what you're doing) is totally wrong and unfair?
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