A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:There is a girl surveying our building at work and I guess she is there for a week or so. The last few days she has been making eyes at me and smiling and I have been reciprocating. I've never had this sort of instant attraction feeling with a girl - she's unbelievably gorgeous - I look at her and feel tingles! I spoke to the receptionist today and she took me to one side and said that this girl had been asking after me and saying how hot I am etc. (that was shock enough in itself) and she wanted my number but... I've got a girlfriend. She is my first girlfriend even though I am mid twenties and while I really like her I have been having doubts for the whole 5 months we've been together. We are never intimate (she doesn't even like kissing/just hugging) because she doesn't like it and I feel there is no sexual attraction from her side at all.She just latches and gets upset if I dson't want to see her all the time etc. I don't feel like I get anything out of the relationship and that it is all me being there as a safety blanket for her. I've never felt so elated at being told such a hot girl likes me but then so upset that I can't do anything because I'm in a relationship. Am I a bad person? I can't stop thinking about this other girl? Should I just avoid her at work and that be that? (I can't believe I'm even having these thoughts - I never thought I would and feel awful because of it!)
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 March 2009): If you are unhappy with your gf you should bring the relationship to an end BEFORE you even THINK about getting together with this new woman.
Yes, as one of the other aunts has said, let the new girl know you are going through (or about to go through) a breakup and that you are interested, but need some time. Tell her you will call her in April (late April) or even May. Not good to break up with one and then rush into something else. Not only that, you will need some time to yourself.
Not to worry, if the girl at work is really interested, while she might not be too thrilled at waiting, she WILL do so to get together with you later.....
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 March 2009): Look, I know you have a girlfriend but it's not like you're married to her. She's your gf, not your wife. That doesn't mean you should cheat. You shouldn't. It simply means that you have no obligation to remain involved with this girl of yours if you are not happy in the relationship. Moreover, from the way you describe your relationship, she does not appear to be physically attracted to you. The lack of intimacy (not even any kissing) would be a problem for most guys your age. It would certainly bother me. And it seems to bother you as well. So what to do?
Bad as this may sound, I suggest you break up with your gf (you're clearly not happy with her and possibly merely frightened of being alone again) and ask this new girl out. You two seem to have chemistry and who knows - maybe she's the girl you've been looking for all these years. Opportunities like this don't come round that often and you're clearly into each other. Feel free to ignore my advice if you so choose, but that's probably what I would do in your situation - and believe me, I am no player.
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (25 March 2009):
It seems pretty clear to me what you should do.
Get rid of your girlfriend. If she doesn't like kissing you then you are not boyfriend and girlfriend anyway. You are just good mates.
When I was single, I would curl up and go to sleep with guys I knew and it was lovely but it didn't mean anything romantically. It just meant I couldn't be bothered to go home and that we were close and had trust.
You aren't happy with this girl so end it. Yes she will be hurt, yes it will be horrible to do, but you have to do this. You can't stay with her because you feel bad. Be gentle but firm and tell her you don't think it's working and you want to split up.
As for the girl at work, talk to her, say you are going through a break up at the moment and don't want to start anything for a couple of weeks but you'd really really like to have her number and call her in April sometime. Tell her that you really don't want to mess her about and want to be truly single when you call her. Explain that your girlfriend is a bit clingy and dependant and it's hit her hard so you may have to stick around for a week or so and make sure she's ok and knows it's over and is content to get over you and move on.
We girls want honesty in a man, we want to know where we stand.(i.e. she won't want a guy who may still have an ex hanging on, she won't want to be your rebound girl, she wants you to be free with no baggage.) So take her number, text her and keep in touch, but until your girlfriend is your ex girlfriend and off the scene then you can't take her out on a date.
Good Luck!! xx
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 March 2009): Get out of the relationship! don't let a chance like that go for a girl you don't even love.
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