A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:So people of DearCupid, please help! Is this guy grnuinely nice, or just creepy?! I work at Walmart. My manager is just a year older than me. When I met him 2 1/2 months ago, all we did was jokingly insulteach other. "ugly", "scrawny", etc, just playig around all the time. Well 2 weeks ago he asked me to look up his facebook. I added him, then we went to texting. We decided to hang out. We went to the river every night and gazed at the stars, cuddled, etc. He didnt pester me for sex at all, as a matter of fact it took him days to kiss me. At work he always acted cocky and confident. So I wasnt really interested, and felt I didnt have a chance anyway. Well now he spends every lunch break with me, texts me alk the time, always with me out of work. After a few days of hanging out, I noticed he was always around at work. He would walk around in front of my department and stare at me. My male coworker caught him at the end of the aisle staring at us talk. He was acting like he was fixing a can display, but watching me. He looked up my address in the computer at work before I told him where I live. He isnt allowed to do that as he wasnt a high enough manager for that option. I would walk through my job and he would pop up out of nowhere walking beside me. He tells me how much he likes me and wants a future. He lays on me all the time and plays with my hair, fingers, etc. What I need help with is, is this guy really nice, or borderline creepy? I dont want any surprise personality issues popping up if I get closer. Hes an hour away right now for training as he got a promotion. We werent really allowed to have an explicit relationship because he was directly over me but he is transferring so now we can. At work I told him that he knows he can get us both fired for walking up behind me and grabbing my sides, standing extremely close to me, frequenting my department way more than he usually did, etc. But he had a hard time staying away. Hes extremely handsome and could have any woman he wants. He says i have a beautiful heart. I told him he was being creepy. he said sorry he tries to stay away but he just cant, and that before he knows it he always ends up feeling like a creep just watching me. So guys..is this all a big red flag, or am I overreacting?
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (20 August 2013):
 Turn to your doctor. Get tested and do NOT have sex with him. Having sex just once and she being HIV+ doesn't means he automatically has it (or that he has passed it n to you) BUT if you are NOT being careful (and obviously he isn't) you are playing a game of Russian Roulette with your health.
If he still follows you around at work you NEED to talk to HR/Supervisor and if he keeps showing up at your home you need to either refuse to open the door or simply call the police.
And you still need to test in 3 months, 6 months and 18.
A
female
reader, llifton +, writes (20 August 2013):
 Get away from this dude
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 August 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell see he told me he hasnt had sex with her in a year and got tested two months ago. She promises me (and sounds very cinvigsing) that his test was five months ago and they have had unprotected sex. I dont nw what to do or where to turn.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (20 August 2013):
Get tested in 3 months, 6 months and again in 18 months. And for crying out loud have nothing to do with him!
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A
female
reader, llifton +, writes (20 August 2013):
If he's negative, there's nothing to tell. If he's positive then holy shit.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 August 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell ftiends, to add fuel to the fire, the mother of his son called and told me she is HIV positive. I confronted him and he said he doesnt have it so he didnt think it waa too big of a deal to tell me. I freaked out. He said we will get tested in October. Am I wrong for being angry and feeling betrayed for him not telling me this?
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (13 August 2013):
After your update I have to say mega creep too. Just tell him NO. Stop texting, hanging out. If he isn't transferring I would be looking to get one.
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A
female
reader, llifton +, writes (13 August 2013):
He's psycho. Run for the hills.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 August 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionAlso, I have HSV2. He absolutely does not care and still is intimate with me. Says he cares enough to take the chance. after a week and a half of seeing each other??
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 August 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell guys, i suggested all kinds of things to him. Friends with benefits, just friends, etc. He shot them all down. We arent "dating" but he says it will really upset him if I see other men. Maybe thisbis all ahead game, maybe he thinks this is what women love and will stick around for? I have no doubts he's talking to other women. So why is he clinging to me so hard when he has other women? Is this his way of trying to trap me for a sure and secure plan if the others fall through? When I suggest things besides a relationship, he begs me not to. He says he has a panic attack, says he feels knotted up and extremely upset. he'll come over to try and work it oit face to face for me to stay. says he hasnt felt this many emotions in years. I dont know what to do :(
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A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (13 August 2013):
 Yes its a big red flag and no, you're not overreacting. He told you you have a "beautiful heart" just days after knowing you...somehow that's very creepy. I dont know why but it is.
At this stage, he should know how to conduct himself better and not flirt shamelessly and to such an extent that it could get you fired. My boyfriend and I are in the same department in University and yet we never make it obvious that we are a couple. What we do outside the University is our personal life but in the department, we are students who need to maintain a certain decorum. The same applies for this guy.
Another red flag-he looked up your address. I don't like the sound of this guy already. Also, you've said that he watches you. That is really uncomfortable!
You need to take it VERY, very slow OP, if at all you want to take it ahead. I would be wary of this one. You're in a "heads i win, tails you lose" situation here, because if you continue dating him, you're in for trouble because its unlikely that he would change, and if you break up with him, it would get really awkward because he's a creep. Just go with your instincts here and if you think he's crossing the line, confront him immediately and inform the higher-ups.
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A
female
reader, llifton +, writes (13 August 2013):
He's creepy.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (13 August 2013):
Does he know that Walmart use cameras 24/7? So he really NEEDS to cut out the PDA.
IS he creepy? For the most part (from what you write I would say no, he is infatuated) but looking up your address and popping out of nowhere.. little creepy.
You gut isn't trusting him so GO REALLLLLY slow. That means lots of DATING without sex. Til you can figure out on your own if he is nice/interested or just creepy.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 August 2013): All that matters is whether or not YOU think it's creepy.
If his behavior is putting you off or weirding you out, you need to clearly express that to him. I know you said you told him and he says he can't back off? Yes he can. You just need to explicitly tell him to stay away.
If it's making you really uncomfortable, you need to tell him and you need to make sure you cut off all out of work contact and don't say or do anything that would make him think he has a chance with you.
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