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This LDR makes me feel terrible about myself, but I can't quit it. Why?

Tagged as: Breaking up, Health, Long distance, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (29 March 2011) 11 Answers - (Newest, 1 April 2011)
A female United States age 41-50, anonymous writes:

Hi

This is continuation of question "LDR boyfriend says its ok for him to have sex with call girls since its just "meaningless sex""

I begged my bf not to choose a call girl over me and my love, which he refused. I feel really disgusted and dirty even to myself for falling for him and even go to the point of begging him to choose me over that type of girls. What the hell is wrong with me, i really sound pathetic.

I wanted to hate him, but looks like still i dont hate him, but i do blame myself for being in LDR rather than with him.

Do i have a very low self esteem, please help me. I dont want to feel guilty/ashamed over something he is gonna do.

View related questions: self esteem

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (1 April 2011):

Your better off with out him love he doesn't respect u if he is gunna do that I'm from the UK. And I am in a LDR with a woman from America. And I'm fully committed two her if once a cheat always a cheat. He doesn't love u dump his ass and find a man who loves u and appreciates u. You can do better than that u deserve better good luck love and move on.

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A male reader, dirtball United States +, writes (1 April 2011):

dirtball agony auntNot every man will cheat, and he's just a scumbag who says such things to justify his lowlife behavior. He has no problem ruining a marriage or hurting you. It's for the best that you're done with him.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (1 April 2011):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Thanks for all your responses. My guy has fixed this sat to meet the girl. Looks like he is not going to the escort, but with some married women with a kid. As before he says its just meaningless sex for him. I guess i am done with him. I love him a lot but i cant go on like this. As far as he is concerned, men can cheat and he claims every man will cheat if they get an oppurtunity.

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A male reader, dirtball United States +, writes (30 March 2011):

dirtball agony auntThat definitely changes things, and I'm glad you made that distinction. It is rather important.

Sadly it doesn't change my outlook on humanity much...

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A reader, anonymous, writes (30 March 2011):

this is to Dirtball

I'm the poster with the LDR now and I guess I left out the part of the sentence that said IN THE PAST BEFORE ME...

now he is escort free. BUT we see each other very very frequently even though we are LDR....

sorry for the confusion...

no any man who says he is committed and has a woman who says she does not want an open relationship and insists on escorts/prostitutes needs to be kicked to the curb.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (29 March 2011):

I agree with so many of the other responses to this question! You deserve someone who is going to love and respect you and only you. I agree 100% with the one that said he will pay money for a hooker but not a flight home. Not to mention the fact that there are so many ways to make ldr work, I done it for 2 years and so do alot of other people now days. We skyped, wrote and called all the time. Do not blame yourself for what he is doing. Because if the tables were turned and it was you doing that to him guaranteed he wouldn't have thought twice about leaving. There are so many great guys out there who won't cheat, who are real men!! Have faith in yourself. Break it off (I know easier said than done sometimes) and work on your self esteem and get back out there and someone special. Your worth it!! Good luck!!

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A female reader, BettyBoup United Kingdom +, writes (29 March 2011):

BettyBoup agony auntlol @ dirball!

I agree, you need to find the strength to leave this guy. That is the only way you can start to feel happy and have better self esteem. He's having sex with other women, never mind the fact they are prostitues, he is cheating. The fact it is with hookers just makes it even more disgusting! He's acting like sex is his god given right as a man, and that the woman he has sex with is unimportant, so long as he gets his rocks off regularly. That's pretty disgusing and shallow. He's clearly shown he doesn't care one bit about you. I'm sorry but thats not the kind of guy you want to be with. Everyone deserves better. Get out now. It might hurt in the short term but you will feel so much better off in time. Don't let people treat you like this. Believe you are worthy of true love and respect. Some people are just out for themselves and whatever they can get in life. You sound like a genuine person so you really deserve to be treated right. You just have to believe it yourself and don't accept any less. If someone treats you badly, just walk away and don't waste any more energy on them.

Good luck!

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A male reader, dirtball United States +, writes (29 March 2011):

dirtball agony auntWTF?!? Another person in a similar situation, but ok with the use of escorts? Really?

If it wouldn't be ok while you are together, it's not ok while you're apart. Plain and simple.

Man, I'm losing faith in humanity...

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A reader, anonymous, writes (29 March 2011):

I'm sorry... he is wrong. You need to tell him that his behavior is not acceptable.

this is not your fault at all...

I'm in an LDR.... we deal with it.... and yes my BF has in the past used escorts....

how far apart are you guys distance wise?

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A male reader, dirtball United States +, writes (29 March 2011):

dirtball agony auntI don't know why you're doing what you are, but you've got to stop it. Having sex with a hooker is pathetic, not to mention dangerous. You shouldn't care what this guy thinks because he's a low life.

You can take control of your life if you let yourself.

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A female reader, mizz.butterflies United States +, writes (29 March 2011):

mizz.butterflies agony aunthe doesnt respect u.

cant u see it?

HE DOES NOT RESPECT YOU.

Please stop begging him.

So many couples are in an LDR, the guy never said he will go to a call girl.

he's willing to pay money to have sex

but not willing to pay money for a flight?

come on!

do urself a favor andd boom boom boom dump him!

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