A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:So I started dating this girl I've known for some time. Things were great for a while, but we've been doing the long distance thing from the start, and have really only had a handful of weekends together over the course of about a half of a year. (I go to school in Cali and she's in Denver, my hometown.) We're both super stressed because of grad school and the worry about being able to find jobs in this economy once we're out, and I think it's impacting our relationship. Besides that, when we do get together, I want to make up for lost time, and she really more seems to want to go out and date. I'm fine with that, obviously, but what the hell is wrong with a day of passion? And if the answer is "she's got to feel it," then what am I doing wrong?hell. I guess I need to be more adventurous when she's around, show her around town, find some hidden bar or music show, something.The worst part about all this is that while we both like each other a lot, she seems to be focusing on the negatives and applying them to the other parts of our relationship. I haven't got nearly as much experience as she in relationships, so it's a steeper learning curve, but she just doesn't seem to be willing to drop stuff or accept that any issue ever gets resolved. (the long-distance thing might be a part of this)Help?
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reader, anonymous, writes (31 August 2009): I kind of thing I know exactly what you're going through. But, well. When you two do meet - make memories. Don't just do the same tedious thing over and over. When you two do see each other, go out and do things, as a couple. Grab her hand in public. It's so natural for girls to focus on the negatives. That's just how girls are in general. They are worry warts.Maybe the issues DON'T get resolved. Maybe she has some questions you don't answer. See the thing about dilemmas are - you should probably try and fix them that very day. Or else the more you drag it on, the more impacting it's going to be and the harder it is to get over. She also may be feeling very alone, therefore her sadness is accumulating from that. So try to randomly just call her for five or ten minutes to "just say hi." Trust me. It'll go a looooong way. When you two are actually meeting each other and she wants to go out on dates, that's probably HER way of making up for lost time. Time where she sees other couples getting to go out and do whatever they want together. She probably wants to experience that too. Long distance relationships suck. Bad. But if you love this girl, you'll have to put up with the "different circumstances" than your average relationship.
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