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female
age
36-40,
*whit1887
writes: My husband and I have been married for over four months and have known each other for over 3 years. Now that I’m 36 and he’s 43, we’re both eager to have children and had been trying prior to getting married but haven’t had any success. We took it upon ourselves to consult with a fertility doctor and our exams came back clear for the most part. The only dilemma was that his sperm morphology was too low. However, his sperm count and motility was normal. So she recommended doing an IUI procedure where they inject the sperm into your uterus (the success rate is 20 percent and is more affordable), or IVF which is much more costly and 80 percent successful. We decided to pursue IUI first to see if we could achieve pregnancy within 3 cycles. The first one wasn’t successful and I was very disheartened by it. But my husband feels the best way to achieve pregnancy the second time around is to abstain a few weeks from sex so his sperm production is much higher at the time of the IUI. Beforehand, we had been intimate several times per week which the doctor encouraged. But my husband would rather do things his way than consulting with the doctor about his sperm. The doctor said abstaining from sex will affect sperm count and morphology but my husband doesn’t believe it. What should I do if my husband won’t listen to me or the doctor? This is stressing me out!
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 November 2023): Hello @kwhit1887,
Ultimately, for your husband and you, your story is yours to write; your path is yours to find.
This is coming from the 10 years foster-father of 11-years old twins. We went for fostering within 2 years of finding out that I was not optimally fertile.
Circumstances had us choosing to be long-distance to start off the fostering. Within another 2 years, 6 weeks after I was permanently back, we were blessed with the news that we were 6 weeks pregnant.
I have a feeling that one question of yours is about... wouldn't it make sense to go for the IVF at this point? and, given the higher cost, do things the way that the doctor advises?
If so, Yes, having gone for IVF ourselves, I can only say that indeed, it would make sense to go for a time-critical opportunity.
Be warned though, of something that the fertility clinic will not tell you: the rate of miscarriage tends to be higher than through non-medically assisted conception.
In our case, half-way to term, 5 days after the last ultra-sound where we had felt confident that everything was going fine, the water broke, and we learned that our son had passed away. We waited to see if his still-birth would trigger. It did.
Our focus next was to pray for Life to find a way and for his sister to make it. She did not. I have seen it first-hand, I was there right at the moment that it happened: a spontaneous abortion is violent and traumatizing in every way imaginable, when Life chooses to do whatever it needs to do to keep going on...
All in all, the rate of occurrence of hardships when it comes to couples being able to conceive is probably higher in society than the media have so far found it profitable to talk about. Hopefully it helps for your husband and you to be mindful of this along your journey. All the best.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 November 2023): Look just to move on accept his view point and abstaine for two weeks and if it turns and he is wrong then shame on him, then you can go ahead as planned.
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