A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Im going to try and brief this question up as much as possible.Im 18 years old, and im seeing this guy thats 20. We're not official yet, we're just getting to know each other, etc.We've been seeing each other for a little over two months now, but have only had 3 dates in those three months as he tends to be busy with work, friends, etc...On the first date, we went to watch a movie. He didnt initiate anything but on the train back home he had his arm around me.On the second date we went to watch a movie again (only because we both really wanted to see the film that had just come out), again he didnt initiate anything on the date but he started feeding me his icecream in the cinema.On the third date we went bowling, he paid for the both of us and then we quickly had a bite to eat and made our way home. Again, no moves were made, but he had his arm around me for a short period of time when we were on the bus and we play fighting for a couple mins. (Nothing too excessive)Now, we've been talking every single day for the past two months, as we both have a BlackBerry and its easier to talk on the Blackberry Messenger.So a few hours after I had gotten home after the 3rd date, i wrote "Thank you for tonight :) I had fun" and he replied back saying "No probs". I was hoping for a little more than just a "No probs" but theres not much I can do about that.The thing im getting at is, I've never had a boyfriend before, I have however, seen guys before, but only two.The first was in Summer 2008, and the second was in the beginning of 2009 and neither of then lasted long at all. The first guy i was seeing for about a month and the second guy for 3 weeks.Things just didnt work out between either of us so it ended.This is however the longest i've been with a guy and to be honest I dont know what im supposed to do as I dont know where I stand with him and how the whole dating world works because I havent had my fair share of experience for me to know what to do.I know that within two months many guys would've made their move (kiss) already. But he hasn't, and it may be because we've only been on three dates or it may be because he only sees me as a friend.What do you guys think? Im genuinely confused and I dont know if i should ask him where i stand with him and if i should, how can I phrase it so that it doesnt seem like i'm being too forward, because I dont want him to push/scare him away, I just need to know if theres something there between us.
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female
reader, Denise32  +, writes (15 November 2010):
 Three dates - even though you've known him two months - is really very, very little.
As you said, you are both (in the very beginning) stage of getting to know each other.
Its good to take it slow, and the fact that he has not "tried anything" shows some respect for you. That's very good!
No, I wouldn't ask him where things stand, not yet. Instead, let ME ask YOU? How do YOU think things stand? For example, what has the "tone" of your dates and phone conversations been like?
Have things generally been very enjoyable with no unpleasantness, or awkwardness? No uncomfortable moments? Just having a good time and enjoying being together?
If having a nice time, with no pressure or demands by either of you, I'd say its going very well. Look, if it wasn't, he wouldn't be talking to you every day or going on dates with you when his schedule allows.
Basically, just relax and try to forget about feeling confused/anxious/being too forward.......then if you take a deep breath and let those feelings fade, you'll do just fine. Continue to get to know one another - and don't be in a hurry to get into bed until you been on more actual dates........even if you and he both want to, it won't hurt to wait - on the contrary it will be better.
Good luck!
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