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female
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*qssseme
writes: Hello everyone, My name is JD. I'm a 36 yrs old female and dating a 40 years old fireman, RA. We found each other on the on-line dating website. We have been seeing each other off-line since 12/1/2005. We see each other 1 time a week. Two months into the dating, I asked RA to be exclusive with me, and RA said no. I was sad but kept quiet and still seeing RA until last week. I sent him an email expressed my feelings and wanted to stop this casual dating. RA asked me to come over his place for talking.....but we did not do any talking. He asked to hold me and.....we made love. During his performance, he said, "don't leave me....don't make up dumb reasons to leave me...we can make this work." I am confused. Can someone help me explaining RA?Thank you so much. Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 March 2006): I agree with all the others. So...what's so damn confusing hun? From my point of view, it's pretty clear because the first word that comes to my mind here is ...nothing. You have 'nothing' with this man. He's playing with your emotions so...stop pining away for this ass..he gave you nothing, he gave you crumbs! He just pulled of 'the oldest tricks in the book' on you. First of all, you let him know you wanted a more substantial committment. He said no...he wanted 'nothing' (there's that dang word again!) That is where all this should of ended, with you clearly saying, 'Goodbye' to nothing because you didn't have anything. He obviously wasn't at the 'same place' as you were. You forgot to uphold youself to something much, much better, in life. Lots of men know that 'sex drives the heart' for a lot of women and some guys play this card. Having a f**Kbuddy with no strings is what this jerk wanted and you fell for it. I was exactly in your situation, one time, and do you know what I did? I did exactly this. After thinking about this situation for a few days, I started thinking with my head instead of my heart. It was tough but I knew, he and I weren't going anywhere and I knew that I deserved much better. This guy kept on seeing other women and still he wanted to string me along. I told the guy and said 'thanks but no thanks...see ya". Call it what you want but what a liberating feeling that was. Amazingly, I had the strength to walk away, for good. Shortly after, I met the most incredible man. And to this day, I am happy. So...just kick this guy's butt to the curb..this relationship has no basis, it has nothing! Except one night of uncommitted, great(?) sex , perhaps. Get strong, keep your self-resepect, heal your heart and learn from this and move forward..and never, ever tolerate this crap again. (unless you want hot, torrid sex and NOTHING more!)
A
female
reader, mystify +, writes (10 March 2006):
 you are a conveinience for him , he gets all the love and sex he wants from you then goes of and gets his casual sex and flirtations elsewhere, he may havefeelings for you but id say they were more about what you give to him and what he can take from the relationship.
he has no real true care for you as if he did he wouldnt see you hurt in this way.
id say he is quiet a selfish person, all about himself, there is not alot room for others with people like this , i dont think a relationship will last long when he is doing all the taking and you are doing all the giving.
dont you deserve better?
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A
female
reader, smeedle  +, writes (10 March 2006):
 I agree with harshbutfair, he is using you, he has no intention of having a full on exclusive relationship with you and played on your heart strings by playing the little boy vulnerable saying dont leave me.
You need to say that you will not leave him if he gets real and stops using you for sex and commits to you.
If he does not tell him and mean it that you are walking away from the relationship, the once a week sex just aint worth it.
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A
male
reader, harshbutfair +, writes (10 March 2006):
 Yes, I can help to explain. He wants to have his cake and eat it.
All that has been shown is he likes to make love to you. He may even love you, too! But he also loves all those other ladies he is seeing.
If he was truly in love he would go exclusive.
At least give him credit for his honesty!
(and his love-making?)
Trust me.
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