A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:Some advice please,I am in a relationship with a man who is married and I have been on and off for 30yrs,and i know a lot of you out there are going to be critical of me.but maybe some of you will understand.This man has been married for over 40yrs I a'm not asking him to leave his wife and i never would.But i have been in love with him for a long time,he is aware of this but he keeps telling me we can't have anymore than what we have already got between us.He tells me he loves my company,loves my friendship loves spending time with me loves talking and confiding in me,wishes he could spend more time with me and gets upset when he can't give me more than what we have.he is very attentive calls me often txts me twice a day without fail and see's me when ever he can.but he will only ever say he likes me heaps and heaps.This is not some two bit affair i really love him but i wonder does he love me.???
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 May 2009): This is what you need to do sweetie stay away from him. He's a lyer, a cheater. He has no respect for his wife. even if u were his wife you would think that he has no respect for you too. He knows what he wants and I think he also know from the beginning he was not going to leave his wife..trust me. No matter what you do he knew this is something he would never imagine to do.
I know it's not easy like other peole in here said you are waisting your time. trust me you are. there's a lot of single people out there just consider yourself this is a heartbreaking. It hurts to find out the truth because truth hurts. But you'll be ok.. I have been there done that, but this one was lying to me saying he divorced his wife.. I was sooo in love until he started to give me distance. My heart was broken it was like the end of the world.
By reading some books and things I did not know helped. I wish that time i would find these people who are telling me things the way it is. Lady you're blessed to find these people... One more thing Married men don't leave their wives just for a woman.. Never! A divorce man YES can move on with a new woman.
get some help if you can not go on...But you need to move on.
good luck!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 April 2009): I don't think he loves hi wife either. It's either he loves you and he loves his wife.... I can understand some men they sometimes have a temporary affair but not as you mentioned for that long wow! It's either he's confused . BUT Yes he loves you too. as the anonymous person mentioned that:
because love is something you share with another person and not something that has to be hidden and kept secret,not something that makes you deep down know something isn't right or as it should be!!!! UH???? but remember he's hiding something from his wife and he pept secret. Like I said, he loves both of them or he 's a jerk .to both of them.
For instance what if you give him a STD or something? what his wife is going to say? you think she 's going to say my husband loves me?? hell no!. the only thing you, as the other woman is missing is his deed or his life insurance onless he's buying you something of value. If not I would run away far away from this jerk because he's confused.
As a conclusion,you need to have your own man. But can I say someone honest? You can never tell. It's up to how lucky a woman is. Good luck!!!
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (30 April 2009):
 Your update came after I posted. So it hasn't been a six-bit affair continuously for 30 years. What were you doing those 21 years? I guess it really doesn't make any difference, you still have allowed yourself to be the bit on the side for 9 long years. He told you how he feels and I still smell coffee.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 April 2009): He may do - just a tiny little bit - but he obviously loves his wife a lot more. Well, perhaps not as much as that because he's having an affair with you. Lets just say he likes you heaps x2 whereas he likes his wife heaps x3.
One good thing I can say about him is that he's being totally honest with you.
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A
female
reader, Nat8124  +, writes (30 April 2009):
That's a heartbreaking story.
I think it is perfectly possible to be in love with 2 people at the same time however he has never told you he loves you, that is the heartbreaking part.
I don't want to tell you that you have wasted your life and don't listen to the people on here who say that you have. If you are happy with what this man has offered and continues to offer you then how has any of it been a waste? If he fills you with joy and it doesn't rip you apart when he leaves after each rendezvous then it has been a worthwhile romance for you whether or not it is right or wrong in other people's eyes.
It seems to me like if this has been going on for so long perhaps this man is just supposed to be the man that you love. I'm sure on some level he loves you back, you can't spend 9 years around someone and not grow to love them in some way.
And I'm sorry but of this has been going on for nine years then I would say the chance that his wife doesn't know about it is fairly slim. As a married woman I would know straight away where my husband's interest lay, perhaps she simply accepts that in her later stage of life companionship with a man who she has shared her entire life with os more important than anything else, even if he is being disloyal.
I feel for you I really do. I hope that you see that perhaps there is still someone out there that can be truly yours, if not and you do decide to stay with this man, enjoy what you can. Life is too short not to.
x
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (30 April 2009):
You are right this isn't some two-bit affairs, since it has dragged on for thirty years it's more like a six-bit affair. Whatever you don't think about all the things you have sacrificed and miss out on by being his play thing. Oh and no, he doesn't love you, he told you how he feels, he likes you heaps and heaps. Is that coffee I smell?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 April 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you to thoses who have answered me but i think i had better explain myself a little better even though i said we have been in an affair for over 30yrs i should have explained it a little better than i did . We started an affair 30yrs ago then lost touch with each other untill 9yrs ago we slowly got back into the same situation and lately it has got more and more intense. and for thoses who think I am married too I am not. regards
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 April 2009): Well as they say there is no fool like an old fool, he has his cake and is eating it too,HE is telling YOU, you can't have and never will have anymore than you have just now, but here you are asking the world if he loves you. If he loved you he would be with you, he would be telling you so you wouldn't have to come here and ask us what he thinks, you should know how he feels he has told you the facts hasn't he.
Off course you won't ask him to leave his wife because deep down you know he won't and that means you are always second best,he must feel really good about himself 40years married so he isn't a spring chicken and he has 2 woman in love with him, the sly old dog,but how will his wife feel after 40 years to be betrayed so badly by the man she has spent her life with.What happens to you if or when she finds out, what happens if she takes ill,you will no longer be important.Do you not get a bit jelous on Christmas day or if they go on a weekend break or holiday, the point is he is happy to have a bit on the side but won't commit to any more IS THAT LOVE, NO it is not that is about being selfish for himself.
I think you woudn't be here if he was in love with you, would would be away doing something nice with him today and everyday because love is something you share with another person and not something that has to be hidden and kept secret,not something that makes you deep down know something isn't right or as it should be, love is to be shared amongst family and freinds.Love is meant to make you want to share it with the world and make you feel safe,you are not able to feel safe about how he feels,you cant share it because he is married an doesn't want to leave his marriage.So does he really love you,you know what the answer is and that is more than any words he can tell you,that is commitment and honesty.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 April 2009): After 30 years you are unsure if he loves you.
You say that you don't want him to leave his wife why would he,he is having the best of two women,only hope his wife never finds out then you will know if he loves you or not.
Find a man of your own.
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A
female
reader, Honeygirl  +, writes (30 April 2009):
 No Sweetie, you are just his bit of excitement on the side... If he loved you he would leave his wife for you and clearly, that is not going to happen.
You have wasted your life wanting someone who had no intention of taking things any further. Why should he, he has his faithful wife and home on one side and his little 'bit' on the other......
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