A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:Hi i dont know if any of you will be able to help me with a problem i have with my daughter here goes.A few weeks ago my daughter went away for the week end and she was not back in time for the baby sitter to go to her exam they spoke on the phone and my daughter told the sitter to go and she would be home in a bit so she left my grand children alone, the eldest is 12 years and he was left to look after 3 of his brothers and sisters the youngest is 3years, two went to school(she has 6 altogether)i received a call from the police and social services to ask if i could go and look after the children as they said that my daughter was not to be alone with them untill they had done some investigating, i looked after them for two weeks then she was allowed to have them back.We dont always see eye to eye and a month before all this happened we fell out and had not spoken until i was contacted by the police.I have always been there for my kids and always will be no matter what and i get very hurt and upset to how she betrays me to her friends as i am not like that at all,she is a good mum but she has problems and she is not putting my grandchildren first,i have not had any contact with them or her since she had them back,she never even sent her dad a birthday card or text,then i saw one of her friends who told me that she is taking drugs(snorting it though her nose) and the friend said that her nose bleeds where she has had to much what can i do? she is not going to admitt to me what she is doing.Please give me some advice on how i can help her?I have tried texting and ringing her but she does not reply i dont want to see her losing the kids, this is only part of the story my main aim is getting help for her but dont know how.My daughter is 31 years old, thanks for reading.
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female
reader, DrPsych +, writes (30 April 2009):
 I am assuming that social services got involved as a result of allegations of child neglect. You don't say from your post if they gave your daughter a warning or if they continue to be involved with this family. Clearly leaving a 12 year old in charge of younger children is unacceptable and the child protection team at social services will have opened a file on the family. They may have decided to take no further action (judging this to be a one-off error of judgement by the mother), identified the family as 'child in need' (meaning providing support services for the family/ social worker visiting them) or a child protection matter requiring a conference about the children's welfare and possible care proceedings. I am supposing their response was the first of these. Maternal drug taking in itself would not be considered enough to take children away from the family home - there would have to be clearly identified persistent abuse/ neglect issues too. I understand you are in a difficult position and it must be a great worry for you. It is a sad fact that until your daughter recognises she has a drug problem then there is no help you can offer her on that front - quite apart from your communication break-down - she maybe in denial that she had a problem. If you have real concerns about the welfare of your grand-children, contact the social workers dealing with the case. You can talk to them confidentially about the issues you are concerned about - it doesn't mean the children will be taken into care as a result of what you say, but social workers may work with your daughter and her children if they are alerted to specific problems like drugs. It is rare that children are taken into foster-care these days, and social services prefer to place children with relatives when it is necessary so you would be in a good position to take care of them if anything else happens.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 April 2009): i dont think its funny all i wanted is some advice i dont get your reply and cant understand what you are on about i thought people were on here to help seems i am wrong maybe i should post a question on cheating may be i would of got some response.
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A
male
reader, zyto  +, writes (30 April 2009):
 tuff one just show her this i sold gear thought i was all that then got rated on went to goal lost my three kids got out wouldent let me see them without them watching so put my car into a power pole at 140km geuss what dident work now i got a broken neck all my ribs sternam snd still dont have my kids so i gave up everything to get them back just hope i havent stuffed it youre kids mean more than you do
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