A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hey there, I'm really new to this I've been struggling a lot lately and i felt like i needed outside source besides from my friends. People who don't really see me as a friend and just a person who needs real advice. I am sorry if this might be long too, But i need to explain in order for you to understand, it is a very long story.This girl and me met at work, and i know this may sound weird but i had this vibe about her being a lesbian. I'm not sure if it was a vibe a feeling i don't really know how to explain it but i just felt so weird around her the first time we met, one of my co workers that trained me was training her that day. I didn't act like myself that day, i felt like i wanted to talk to this girl so badly but at the same time i felt nervous, i just felt like i couldn't breathe.... something told me she was a lesbian but, i blocked that thought away. Truth is cause i haven't fully accepted myself either. I just don't want to, and when we first met i was still in that stage of avoiding things and avoiding how weird she made me feel that day. I dislike feeling that way it stops me from getting to know people that could really like me. anyways, I've never really felt like that with anyone, or a person i meet out of random. It just felt so weird to me, days pass i suppose months. the story develops she would see me on occasions at work, called me stranger. She would stare. It wasn't till they started giving me night shifts i started talking to her more, and i think the crush got worse. I was hoping it didn't, because i tend to feel guilty for myself. Not cause i don't deserve it or anything, i just fear on occasions maybe a lot, that my parents won't ever accept me. I almost feel like a bird trapped in a cage, it upsets me, it makes things harder knowing i have a disorder and i tend to get anxious easily. I mean i just don't know how to deal even though i want to be strong. However i keep fighting it. This girl and me talked during break or when we worked in the backroom organizing and cleaning anything that guests rent. She'd often tease me, like grabbing the rag from my back pocket and running off with it, to teasing me in front of her friends. when we talked i would get lost in her eyes, and she'd stare back. There were times i fell so deeply in her eyes that my body involuntarily got close to her that i thought i was about to kiss her and when i'd realize what my body was doing. I'd back away, and she did nothing. Problem is, i was hoping she would have stayed longer but she was just in a program for students from other states. I had promised myself i would never fall for someone that came from another state, but i did. Before she left she would comment on my facebook, asking me when she'd see me again. She had even put a sad face. Our goodbye wasn't great either, she eventually left.Weeks later my friend told me he dated her for like a week but it didn't work out cause she told him she was a lesbian and then dumped him. With that i got the courage to tell her how i felt, but i realized she had a girlfriend back where she came from. However, she returned my reply telling me she felt relieved to know she wasn't going nuts she had felt there was something about me, that made her think i might be les too. She had said she went around asking all our co workers about me, without really asking me directly. After that we shared letters, but cause i thought there was no harm in us being friends. Eventually the letter began to hurt because she talked so much about her girlfriend. This is where i blew it, I told her i needed space to get over how i felt about her because i knew she'd never return the way i feel and i wanted to respect her situation with this other girl. She then ended up sending me a hurtful letter too, i replied saying how much it hurt me. She then replied saying that my letter hurt her too a lot but she was going to let me move on. I let time pass by and i couldn't take this anymore so i talked to her again on facebook. We began being friends, i promised i was going to be her friend without being pushy to respect her completely, well i told this to myself. But i had apologized to her when i began talking to her, well it seemed like our friendship was going back on track, we talked for about two hours, shared what type of people we liked. Truth is i never really asked her personal questions, she would actually talk about how her girlfriend was etc. i just said, "okay," or, "oh," not wanting to say anything that might be rude, or insulting. I was keeping promise to myself.Then suddenly i had said i wish we had gotten to be better friends at work. I'm not sure if she took it wrong but then after she began acting strange with me, ignoring me. So i took the hint to give her space, so i did. Months later i got fired from work, i was having a terrible time and i wanted to tell her too what happened she eventually replied but then she brushed me off like she didn't have time to talk to me.Then a day later my friend tells me she had broken up with her girlfriend, and i had told her i didn't know about that, honestly yeah i blew it. I talked to her but not cause i was expecting anything i just wanted to know if she was all right. All it took was a "hi,"from me, for her to delete me completely out of her life. I had written her a letter asking her why she deleted me, she didn't block me though, i even sent her an apology and told her if i did anything wrong i'm sorry i was just trying to be a friend. She replied a hurtful letter to me saying, sorry that i made her feel uncomfortable...then out of nowhere she changes her mind in the letter saying that she thought well about me, but she deleted me in order to be faithful to her girlfriend, that supposedly she deleted a whole bunch of people not just me because she had been an unfaithful lover to prove her love she had to delete me, and that i could please forgive her.I got upset and i said fine... but i told her if her girlfriend was going to live with that jealousy thing, it wasn't going to do her any good. It wasn't a harsh letter i just i blew it. what else could i write to her?Soon i figured out, that she had not deleted everyone as she said she did, because the boy she went out with during the time she was with her girlfriend was still on her facebook. I still ask myself where was i fitted into this whole mess of unfaithful? I did nothing wrong, we did nothing wrong. except exchange letters laugh when we talked. everything was going great. For once i actually felt confident talking to someone i really liked. My question is and after all the other questions i have is can someone please tell me what i did wrong?my friend in this short time ended up liking me and it annoyed the hell out of me so i figured is that how i acted towards her? but no, cause i always had respected her completely never insulted her never tried making her feel uncomfortable, when she needed the space i ignored her for months straight.I even said sorry, that i didn't want to lose contact with her for something so dull. But it was her choice...Still after MONTHS, seven months. It still hurts, i constantly dream about her, i always wonder how she is but i don't know anything and i wish i did. She isn't even with this girl anymore its been since january that same day they broke up they haven't gotten back together.I'm dying to fix things with her, even as just to have her on my facebook as an acquaintance, anything. But i don't want to lose her out of my life just like that. It's frustrating. I've thought of calling her up but i weenie out. I get nervous and think of all possible ways she could harshly tell me off.I texted her but no reply i don't even know if thats her number anymore. My friend who trained her and trained me, is going to help me to talk to her. She knows everything she's the only person i trust at my job. i didn't want to accept her offer but i did finally, but she's fulltime at work sometimes i don't know how long she will take to contact her. I've thought of giving her two weeks if not i'd try messaging this girl on facebook, but i'm terrified of her really blocking me for good. I don't want to lose her that way. What should i do? how should i fix this?I know i should move on, obviously. I want to. I'm willing to,and this has annoyed me to the point i plan to. But i really want to clear up this thing i feel like its so dumb. But i know all minds think differently.... help?
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at work, broke up, co-worker, crush, facebook, jealous, lesbian, move on, teasing, text, trapped Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 August 2010): You are welcome, lol. So hope that you will go on. Although I can't give much of advice, still hope that you'll get what you want out of it. Good Luck!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 August 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank you for the advice, and taking the time to read it. I was trying hard to make i short... lol guess not! still it was very helpful advice i appreciate it.
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 August 2010): Nice one, although quite long.
I certainly do not understand why is she acting this way to you. Maybe she is just upset with her gf.
After reading your story, I do not think that you did anything wrong to hurt or offence her. It's just the simple way to write to her, that's it. Maybe she just can't get herself out of it yet.
It's good that you put an effort to get back with her, but with her ignorance I know it's annoying. It is true that if she doesn't reply you or anything, you should try to forget her and move on. I know most would prefer to clear things up before they give it up to make sure they feel better, but when it comes to she doesn't reply or ignore you, it's just too hard.
You should try to get out of this, slowly perhaps. Or wait for the time to decide for you. Good Luck!
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