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female
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anonymous
writes: Hi guys.This will sound to all of you like a ridiculous problem. I have real jealousy and insecurity issues. I have a long distance relationship with my boyfriend of two years, and Im very aware of how attractive he is.He is coming over to the uk this weekend, and we are going to a party with all of my friends (he knows them really well too, mixed sex group, he has known them as long as I have).I find myself thinking about what girls are likely to be there, what they will dress like, whether my boyfriend will be looking at them and thinking how attractive they are. Im trying to save money but since hearing about this party I know I will end up spending a fortune on a new outfit in an attempt to look better than my 'competition'. Why do I feel like this? I sound like a horrible person. He does pass comment on them sometimes, only in the sense "So and so looked very nice tonight" and I hate it and get so angry, and accuse him of not thinking that I look nice.If someone could give me advice to stop me being such a freak, Id really be grateful.I am 25 by the way, not 16 as this letter would suggest.Thanks. x
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 October 2007): I think it has nothing to do with what your past relationships were like i think it is how much you feel for your partner. I get very jelous as my boyfriend is the first one i have been in love with and i know were going to have a long term relationship, propebly forever. But i know he doesnt like looking at lasses just as i dont like looking at men. And at least your boyfriend is nice to your friends. Also you dont have a competition hes obviously picked you to be with, and ask him ,what would he do if you broke up.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 August 2006): I can really relate to you on this one. Been with my boyf for 3 1/2 yrs, we have a baby on the way and I still feel insecure about whether he finds me attractive or if his eyes are wandering to other women in the pub or party etc.. I ask him time and time again does he still fancy me, why does he look at other women....? The thing is insecurity is part of a lot of peoples make up - you have to just try and deal with it, think about it, he is coming to that party with you on his arm and he is going home at the end of the night with you. Men will always look at other women, as women will always look at other men. As long as you trust that he would never do something more than look you should be fine! x
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A
female
reader, bonnismiles +, writes (30 August 2006):
 have you been hurt in the past hen maybe thats where it is all cming from those feeling you are having or if not try and talk to him if there is no trust there is no relationship darling take care xx
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A
male
reader, Yos  +, writes (29 August 2006):
 Jealousy isn't restricted to 16 year olds. Especially with a long distance relationship, it can be very difficult to deal with. One of the toughest parts is that it can feel impossible to escape from.
I would suggest your share your feelings with him. The way you describe them here, it is very clear you understand that it is your problem, and not being caused by him (its not his fault). You'll be pleased to know that is the first thing you need to grasp before you can overcome jealousy! But also, by describing it in these ways to him, he will also understand that you are not blaming him. Once he knows this he will highly likely be symathetic. This alone should help, plus it means you two can figure out together how you can overcome it.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (29 August 2006): Have you expressed to him your fears/insecurities before? Have you asked him to keep the compliments on other women to nil so you do not hurt?
I say a man will look regardless who he is with and how satisfied he is. It is curiostiy of another being attractive and if he looks...the rule my Dad says all men should live by...no more then a three second look.
Why are you so jealous? Why so insecure? Why do you feel not good enough? Have you always felt this in past relationships? How was your homelife? Was Dad distant or not present? Did you have to vy for his affection/attention? What about Mom? Was she loving and supportive and talk to you lots? Were your grades, looks, friends never good enough for Mom/Dad?
Don't spend a fortune, you can still look killer without the cash. More money doesn't always say better.
He is with you and you are on his arm. Let other women look at how handsome he is and see how fortunate you are. You stand to lose him if you do not get your jealousy/insecurities in control.
Please see an individual counselor to address those deep rooted issues that instill in you insecurities.
*hugs*
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