A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:My 22yr old daugher has recently returned home after splitting up with her boyfriend of seven years. with whom she lived with for a year. This has become quite a messy situation and I am doing all I can to support her. However, since coming back she has got in with some single girls who go out most nights getting drunk and she is doing the same and coming home at all hours of the morning and last night it was 3.30am and I am getting no sleep at all worrying about her, and was worth nothing today and couldnt get on with my own work as I was so tired. I told her today that I will lock the door at twelve oclock if she is not in by that time in the week, to see if it does any good and that if she continues the way she is she will have to find somewhere else to stay, but she knows that I probably wouldnt go through with this. She has always been quite a high maintenance emotionally to live with and when she left home, although I love her, I felt relaxed and we got on a lot better. Now things are back as they were and I am living on my nerves again.I have also suggested that she pays rent now that she is back, but she seems to feel that as I run a business she shouldnt have to pay anything. She has a good job and brings home about £1,000 a month and I feel that in order to stop her drinking all her money I do need to take money off her, even if it put some of it by for her for later on when she may need it. I did this with her sister and it worked well. I had thought about £60 a week to cover her keep and I have also now lost my single person council tax allowance now that she is living with me again, which is quite a considerable amount every month. Is £60 this too much to ask.I know this is not about a relationship with a man but about my daughter which for me at the moment is causing me quite a bit of stress.Thank you for your help.
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 November 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYou were right about my daughter. Time does heal. She has found a new boyfriend who treats her very well and she is happy again and lovely to have at home. I have said she doesn't need to start paying her way until next year as my business has gone quiet and I can't support her indefinitely which she is happy with. We are not just one happy family.Thanks for your advice,
A
female
reader, Hopeful Romantic  +, writes (1 October 2008):
 PS - I would expect her to help with cleaning the house. (just a last thought)
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A
female
reader, Hopeful Romantic +, writes (1 October 2008):
$60.00 is not too much to ask for, but I must be honest and tell you that I would be completely devastated if one of my parents asked me for rent money. I know you are only trying to teach her a lesson and ease your worry on her late nights, but this is perfectly normal for her to do at her age. I wouldn't give her a curfew of midnight - that was my curfew in high school - at her age, she deserves 1:30 or 2.
I think you should tell her that you don't mind her living with you as she is your daughter whom you love unconditionally, but it stresses you out when she comes in late, and if she can't come in by whatever time you state, then she needs to get herself her own apartment or start paying rent.
You may even consider waking her up early in the morning the next time she comes in real late.
It really is up to you, for you make the rules and you are the mom. Try to encourage her to save her money for her future, speak to her about credit and money management. Hopefully she will listen.
Right now she is probably still hurt from her last relationship and going out with friends makes her feel better. Once she finds a new boyfriend, she will calm back down. Until then, she needs to heal and it sounds like she has some good friends to keep her mind off of things.
Sooner than you think, she will be sitting at home all the time & get tired of the party life. (I did any way)
Good luck!!! XX
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