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female
,
anonymous
writes: Hello, I've been reading about other peoples problems and a few of those things relate to me. I recently was dumped, by the person with whom, "I Thought" id spend the rest of my life with. We were made for each other, and somewhere, somehow, i still feel that there might be hope somewhere for us, we love/d each other so much, and everything in life reminds me of him, and it hurts, there are moments where i try be strong,and i think that I'll be ok, but when something reminds me of him, i crack. Even my cloths, my perfume, food, music, my car, EVERY DAMN THING! Its driving me insane, sometimes I wonder if he misses me as much as i do, and if he is hurting as much as i am.Several months ago, i went away on a business trip for a week, and I didn't have facilities to call him, and he is overseas at the moment, when i came back me missed me so much that he cried, and even told me, that during that time, he realised just how much he loves me, and that he can't live without me. Now this happens. I am in so much pain I can't do anything without thinking about him, at night I cry knowing that he'll never hold me again, It hurts to think that some day, someone else will be in his arms and not me. There are times that i wish i could make him feel bad, I've even thought of returning all the things that he gave me back to him to be spitefull, i'm giving him space to think, but im hurting, there was nothing wrong to begin with. But it hurts and i dunno if i'll ever get over him, what if he has moved on and is with someone else? was i just a fantasy or a fling? a phase in his life? Do i wait, move on? send his things back to feel my pain? please help!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 November 2005): Every day he is choosing NOT to be with you. Forget him, move on. In a year's time you'll see it was for the best and I can come along and say 'I told ya so'.
A
reader, Rebecca Batchelor +, writes (21 November 2005):
 If you still love him and he still loves you, why aren't you back together? He has declared that he still loves you and can't live without you but what were the reasons for him breaking up with you in the first place? Did they make any sense?
My heart goes out to you for the pain you are going through. I think you need to get in contact with him and find out exactly what the score is to know whether it is time to move on. This is the only way that you can answer your questions.
You will be able to get over him but only if you find some sort of closure on this relationship. If it is the case that he still wants you, then a reconciliation would be a good idea with plenty of conversation about how to avoid splitting up again and ways of building up the relationship.
If it is apparent that he doesn't want to be with you again, then it would be best (but very hard) to have absolutely nothing to do with him and go through cold turkey in which to emerge the other side. I know how hard this is but if you are aware that there is no hope for your relationship, you will have to do your very best to get on with life and letting him go. Sending back his things will only provide temporary satisfaction and you will want to leave the relationship with your head held high without any regrets.
If there is hope for your relationship, pursue it on the basis of what he feels.
Get in contact with him and find out what he wants to do and act from there.
I wish you well.
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