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female
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anonymous
writes: hi, im totally lost and have no idea what to think about my guy. I have known him for about 3 months but we have began a relationship about a month ago. I was hesitant form the start because he is a player. all the girls like him he's good looking he can basically have anybody that he wants and i didnt wanna get my heart broken. but eventually i gave in. he was just so sweet. he brought me teddy bears and soup when i was sick and he was just so adorable. then i agreead to go out with him we started having sex and hes still sweet but not to the same degree. hes never been in love before or had a serious relationship so he says being with me is new for him and he dosent know how to act.we spend alot of time together but i feel like i always have to be chasing after him. hes always late and he never picks up his phone and when hes alone with me he tells me he really cares about me and hes scared that im gonna break his heart. hes affectionate, makes alot of eye contact stares at me is always touching me and smiles alot. tries to impress me. but other times he just shuts down and doesnt touch me at all i have to come to him for a hug. i dont know what to think help!
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female
reader, shania  +, writes (7 December 2005):
 You have only been together for a month,so its still too early to come to any conclusions yet.Im always very wary of players who like playing mind games,you never know what they are thinking or planning and it always seems that you are a sitting duck.Those kind of relationships are unhealthy and soul destroying.Why do i think that? because the victim who isnt the player ends up getting hurt.Now i might of got it all wrong and you end up married to him and having his children but in the mean time i would take a step back,just enjoy his company,dont suffocate him and dont keep chasing after him,it will only feed his ego.You do sound very keen on him and thats ok,take it one step at a time but remember that he does have a history of breaking other girls hearts,just be careful,if you think he is worth it then stick in there but dont analyse the relationship,if he decides to spread his wings and leaves you then that would be his loss.He isnt the only fella on this planet.
A
female
reader, Mirabell +, writes (6 December 2005):
 Your problem is that you are having a normal relationship--with an abnormal male. It is perfectly ok, and may even result in a healthy and strong long term relationship but you have to adjust your behaviour to his. He is obviously making sacrifices to be with you, and you must do the same. You have to be more aloof. You need to act as if you don't need him as badly as you think you do. In order to get a player, they have to feel like they are playing. If he thinks you are making all the moves, he will be turned off as his nature is to pursue. You must incorporate his love of the chase into your relationship. If he has to call you, if he has to ask for affection from you as much as you do from him, he will feel that he is active and not tied down. (a player's biggest fear).Basically, take it down a notch. But remember, a player has different things on his mind. Your greatest concern is that he be a good boyfriend all the time. His greatest concern is not losing who he is in this relationship. It is very hard to break a player. Keep your hopes at a reasonable level, so you don't get crushed.
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