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age
51-59,
anonymous
writes: Okay, First I started talking to a guy just recently through our personal emails. We happen to be on the same site so I left him a message. I didn't think he would respond, but he did. His profile was very long and he wrote a lot things about who he is and what he wants. There wasn't anything sexual but it sounded like he wants a real relationship. He is a few years younger but in my age bracket. He is a very handsome guy with an athletic build. We get along really well and we share some interests. It would probably be a LDR and he told me not to worry about the distance because he would come and see me. He mentioned that he travels on business and I told him I was okay with that. The thing I am nervous about is that he has already expressed some feelings for me. I am not use to men treating me well and I have had some problems with men in the past. He seem curious too as to why I am on four different dating sites and even told me if we got serious he would want me off of them. I wanted to say that I am lonely which I am but I am also a bit of a flirt and I like the attention. I didn't want to reveal too much to him so soon, because that has been my downfall in the past and I always get hurt. I like him but I am afraid. I know everything I am saying about myself is confusing and it's because I am a little insecure and I have been abused and raped by boyfriends. I have been wishing for a guy to fall for me and this guy just seems too good to be true and he's always calling honey, babe, and love.He was asking me questions too about my guy friend and I told him that he texts me sometimes but says very little so I think he wants to know that I am single. My guy friend is the one that I really care about and have been wanting him to tell me he has feelings for me. So now I could possibly have a new guy who is very interested in being with me, but the other my guy friend is hesitating about a relationship with me.Now, I know I shouldn't put myself down but this guy looks like he would be dating girls that look like models. I am attractive but I like to be comfortable and I choose not to wear too much makeup,and I don't wear high heels, so I want to know if he can accept me when I just want to be in jeans and a t-shirt. Also, I have some hangups about my body. I have a few extra inches around my waist that I would like to lose, and he has made comments about my undies and bra. Even hinted that he might want a photo.If anything were to come out of this I would want to just make a good friend. Why am I so afraid of a good relationship? Is it normal for a guy to have feelings for a woman so early on? And do LDRs really work?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 December 2013): I think you need to have some counselling about the abuse and rape in the past first, before you get involved with anyone. Also do some work on your self-esteem.
Once you have done this, it should make everything clearer and give you confidence.
A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (7 December 2013):
 There's too much going on when you haven't even met yet. You sound like a people pleaser and is eager to "improve" yourself in order to gain his approval. As an outsider I see him as a regular guy who gets lonely at times because of his career. He wants to get women attention and feel in control by having them groom themselves the way he wants. You might never know whether he is talking to other women but he is already regulating your online behavior. And you are letting him, why? It doesn't mean he has feelings for you. He wants you to think he does so he has your full on attention. If you are asking why you are afraid of a good relationship I am afraid this is the wrong question. Treating you well is so much more than delaying sex and calling you babe. That's not a great feat. When something seems too good to be true, it probably is. I don't even feel he's that great though. I see him as vain and needing constant affirmation that he is macho.
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