A
female
age
36-40,
*irlygirl2009
writes:I have been talking to this guy for 4 months and I need help to figure out if it is going anywhere. We don’t live in the same town but are close enough that it’s easy to see each other. When we first met he was the one who would text me all the time and wanted to know everything about me. We would hangout almost every weekend and things seemed pretty good. We messed around a few times but I would never have sex with him. He finally asked why and I told him that I don’t have sex unless I am in a relationship. He then said that he was not looking for a girlfriend right now but he could defiantly see me as his girlfriend one day and just wanted to be friends right now which was fine with me, because he is a pretty cool guy. We have had this talk a few times over the last 4 months but every time we do, nothing really changes on his end. We still talked all the time and even when I went on a trip he texted me the whole time and it seemed like he was checking up on me. After my trip he asked me to come hangout and I did. I tried to act like I would around any of my other guy friends but he acted like nothing had changed and started being really affectionate and sweet. Since he does live a lil bit away he had just asked me to stay the night. When we went to bed he started things and I stood my ground and said no, which he seemed fine with and acted all sweet still. Well he fell asleep and I just laid there thinking about how much I liked him and I didn't want things to be like they were if we were suppose to be just friends. So I got up, told him good bye and left and went home. I text him after I left and pretty much told him that I liked him more than I had thought and just can’t be just friends with him right now but hoped that one day we could be friends. He never text me back so a few days later I gave in and text him. I asked if he was mad that I left that night and he said yeah and he was real short with me so I just stopped texting him. About a week later he called me and asked when I had been doing and what all was going on. We talked for about 30 mins and then when we were getting off the phone he told me he missed me and said that we needed to hangout soon. It’s been a week since he has called and we have pretty much talked every day since. This guy has me so confused. If it is not going anywhere I just want to completely be done with it so I don’t get my hopes up and get hurt. I just don’t know why he keeps coming back when we are not sleeping together, and I have told him over and over that I won’t sleep with him unless we are in a relationship.Should I just give up on him or what?What does he really want out of this?
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female
reader, girlygirl2009 +, writes (30 September 2009):
girlygirl2009 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionso he pretty much begged me to come see him this weekend! So I went and stayed and things seemed pretty good. He was super sweet and he acted like he was all about me. We did mess around but I did NOT sleep with him. He said a few things this weekend that make me think he might see this going somewhere but then again I might just be reading what I want into it. He said at one point that he hoped that we could hangout more after I moved.(I have been planning on moving back to where he lives before I even met him at the end of october)He also wanted to know what his ring tone in my phone was, I told him that he didnt have one because I was not sure how he would react to the song. (it was a song that was playing when we met at a concert) His ringtone for me was The Way You Make Me Feel by Michael Jackson. I told him I didnt know what I wanted his ringtone to be and gave him my phone and told him to pick one and to my suprise he picked the one that I had already given him (the one from when we met). At another time he said something maybe sorta jokin about me not wanting to go out with him, I said oh whatever and then he said something about how I live so far away right now (2 hours) and that maybe after I moved. I am not really sure exactly how he put it because my mind was going 90 to nothing, that he had even brought up the subject.
I dont know if I am just reading 2 much into this or what.
I still need help to fig out what is going on with this guy??
A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (27 September 2009):
Sorry, I misunderstood! In that case, really do stick by what you have said. (You sound like a very smart and strong lady, so I know you will). But, you really do need to talk to him and see where he'd like this to go. Don't wait around for ever.
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A
female
reader, girlygirl2009 +, writes (25 September 2009):
girlygirl2009 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionSo I'm not sure if I was clear but I have NOT yet slept with him, and I am not planning on it unless we are togeather. Just wanted to clear that up since an answer I got said dont sleep with him again!
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (24 September 2009):
Certainly don't sleep with him again. There's a saying, 'he's having his cake and eating it'. Essentially, he's getting all he needs from you and that's it. Ask him if he wants more. If he doesn't, leave him to wallow and you go and find a good guy who will be with you.
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A
female
reader, kathy255 +, writes (24 September 2009):
Oh I'm so sorry for you. I feel your pain I'm in a similar situation except I have been sleeping with him and it has been 15 months. To me it seems like he cares about you. If you can just keep your distance he will either come around or he won't you can't let yourself get invested in something that may never happen. Stand firm on your convictions he will respect you for that. I wish I would have things might be different now. It hurts so much when you care for someone who doesn't reciprocate. If he wants to be with you he will let you know.
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