A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hello, I know a guy for almost three months now, who I thought I was getting along with well and gave him my number because we work together. He's the only person I talk to, really. I told him I was finishing school, he mentioned he's finishing studies as well, and he often jokes and flirts with me. I'm beginning to like him. He rarely uses his phone around me so I assumed he didn't have social media. Although I was curious and found out he does have social media. Turns out he finished undergrad last summer and has a girlfriend based on his cover photo but rarely posts anything about her. He never mentioned having a girlfriend and possibly lied about school just to start a conversation. Should I forget about him? I'm not sure if I am being shallow.
View related questions:
flirt, has a girlfriend Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (15 December 2018):
 Yes, you should. For various reasons. First, he is taken. He has a girlfriend. That has not prevented him from flirting with other girls , maybe with the idea of seeing if things evolve somehow and there's some fun in it for him, but should prevent you from becoming second fiddle and giving your time and feelings to someone who is not single and free like you, therefore not willing/ able to reciprocate fully.Second, he is your colleague and it is not such a great idea to get involved with a colleague, it may get ugly if you break up. Too much drama and complications in the workplace. Of course there are exceptions, and I do know couples who met in the workplace and now are happily married / still going strong. But it's a risk you take, anyway, and you should take it only based on more solid foundations , and better mutual trust and knowledge, than a short, light flirt warrants you.
Third, he started off with lies , and even if they were not humongous lies , still, don't you prefer people who are sincere ? Lastly… I don't think he is that terribly into you . If he wanted anything from you ( whether a casual, sexual adventure, , or something more serious ) he would have had the time and chance to ask you out and he did not . So unless he is very shy ( and he does not sound to be such from the way you describe him ) , he is just not that bothered about you. Flirting is a fun way to kill time at work, and a nice ego boost for him- but I guess it does not goes beyond that for him.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 December 2018): Oh OP! Sadly you're still a young, inexperienced pup when it comes to these things. Take it from an older woman who has seen this sort of thing for decades. This LOSER is a player. He's flirting because he's insecure and needs a ego boost. And he might like a little side entertainment. You are not the first or the last. This guy is damaged goods. Feel sorry for his poor girlfriend. Stay away or your heart will be broken.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 December 2018): Well, for starts, you've found evidence he could be a lying-cheater.
Should you forget about him? No, go ahead and date him! Then write us, and tell us about how he used you; and went back to his girlfriend. How awkward and humiliated you feel at work when you cross paths.
It's very common for OP's in their 20's to mid-30's to seek dates; and have active flirtations with co-workers. It's like a single's-mingle at a bar during happy hour! Only you work and get paid there too! Work is the last place on earth you should be seeking romance!!!
Here we are in the midst of the #MeToo movement with women coming-out in droves about sexual-harassment on the job; and stories of intimidation by bosses, and sexual-assault allegations gone rampant. A good reason to keep your personal-life separate from your professional-life!
It's sort of knuckle-headed to know a guy has a girlfriend; and still go along with the game to get played!
Why all my sarcasm? Mainly because youngsters can't control their hormones at the workplace; so the employer has to increase their liability insurance for probable lawsuits of the aforementioned cases. Companies literally buy coverage for sexual-harassment lawsuits! I'm a boss, and I have to lookout for this stuff!
If he's flirting and never mentioned his girlfriend; maybe it is because he cheats on her on a regular basis.
RED-FLAG!!!
He lied about studies; because part of getting your attention and striking-up conversation is making you think you have something in-common. Players are charming and good at that. So are you going to just go along with it?
If he was your boyfriend, how would you feel about him flirting with one of his female-co-workers?
Say you do decide to date him. Things might go wrong, she finds out you're messing with her boyfriend; and decides to have a showdown in the parking lot of your workplace. How does that sound? Maybe she keys your car; or sends you threatening messages at your job! Why would you consider dating a guy you know already has a girlfriend? Who might be a psycho-girlfriend! She would know where you work!
You already know the answer to your question, my dear. What standards do you set regarding a guy's availability and relationship-status? Can you really trust a guy you've caught in a lie? One who hides the fact he has a girlfriend?
Honeypie covered everything else. I think you can make a sensible conclusion.
...............................
A
female
reader, Gothlet +, writes (13 December 2018):
Yep. You should leave him alone. Flirting can sometimes be healthy but the problem with it is that people catch feelings sometimes. Either way, it's "woman code" not to cross such boundaries!
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (13 December 2018):
 Yep, step away from this guy.
He is only using you for entertainment. Someone to flirt around with, talk to and joke with. He hasn't asked you out because HE HAS A GF.
He hasn't told you that he has a GF, because he knows you would probably back off or get annoyed/mad at him.
So don't bring it up, just back up and DO what you are there for.. work.
It is RARELY a good idea to start "office romances" or romances in the work place and even LESS of a good idea to get involved with a guy/girl who ALREADY has a partner.
Find dates OUTSIDE work. It's WAY more professional and if they don't work out... at least you won't have awkwardness or drama at work.
...............................
|
