A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hes just a player and Im a fling to him?Im so confused! help!I need some guys opinion. I dont know why this guy had to be like this to me.ok, a bit long story but after all I think hes a jerk but I still kinda wanna call him.I hooked up with a guy a few month ago at a club. At first I was just being casual and we just spent a night together. Thought it was one time thing or a fling. And I said I dont do bf. Idk have fun and let the love happen if it happens. But he said like he feel sincere attraction and wants me to be honest with him. So I finally let my guard down at least I thought so. He was great at first. Smart and good looking and even rich. He cooked for me and played piano and stuff. Hes confident, a bit aggresive and irresistable. Great in bed. Hanging out with him was really entertaining. But we were not in a relationship yet.After a while we had a little fight and he told me like we'd better stop here. I started to cry and he said he loves me to death and he simply doesnt want to hurt me and suggested we should get to know each other without having sex. Then next day he said he just want to keep it casual. He said something came out wrong. I mean he told me when he said love he didnt mean romantic love. Wtf.We tried to talk about things such as relationship but he went on a trip for a week. He had not called me for a month even after he came back. No txt no IM no email. So I thought it was over but he called me again after a month as if nothings wrong. Technically he wasnt my bf so I didnt ask about why it took so long for him to call me. Also He took some pics at beach which grls wearing bikini in them. But I thought I dont get to be jealous because we didnt make any promise. I didnt wanna put pressure on him and was afraid to ruin everything. He always call me when hes hanging out with his frnd and we actually have a good time because generally Im an outgoing girl and love party. But I guess he kinda brags about himself being seen with me. Sometimes I think he treats me like a trophy for something. Hes like hey shes my girl and shes hot and smart. But we really dont spend lots of time alone. Couldnt catch a chance to be serious about stuff at all.Once he was upset about me because he thought I was seeing other guys which was wrong idea. Still, either way, he doesnt have any right to be jealous i guess? Hes almost acting like my bf and being super jealous. But every single time I ask like what I am to you hes just saying I dont know. Few days ago I told him I feel like Im nothing to you but he didnt even bother to explain things for me.And the last time I saw him I was calling him to come to a bar I was hanging. Well he came but he started to flirt with another girl at least I guess and then left. That was it. I just couldnt put off with him anymore. I just so pissed off and trash talked about him to his co worker and slept w a guy who might know him.He just removed me frm his fb frnds list and never call me again. I dont even know if he found out what I did or not. And last night I run in to him at a bar and it was super awkward. I just walked away at first and then I was like I dont have to give up my favorite bar because of him and then walked in. We just ignored each other.Well I feel so bad. I dont know how to deal with this guy. I mean he never asked me to be his girl while he wanted me to focus on him. I think whole thing between him and me was not fair at all. I know its already over but I really liked this guy once and now hes acting like Im the one who did something wrong. He seems to think he hasnt done anything wrong and Im a crazy bitch. I dont know how to end this **** right. I have to just ignore him and forget about everything? Or should I call him and talk to him? Am i just played or did i actually do somethfing wrong? He just took advantage of me? He kept saying im wonderful but he just lied?
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co-worker, flirt, jealous, player Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 November 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI just txt him at the first time after the crazy night. I said, "I am sorry, just thought I should say that". What do you think if its right thing to do? I guess I finally do something mature though.
Well I dont really expect him to reply. Just you made me think that what I did was crazy more than I thought even if he might fool around me. So I wanted to confront what Ive done and say sorry for at least the night. I feel way better and refreshed. I cant undo what already happened but I shouldve admitted earlier that I did a horrible thing to just get even or hurt him. Hope things are gonna work out well so that he and I could say hello to each other at least but that doesnt really matter.
Im kind of free thinking and having casual relationship from time to time but Im always honest about my feelings. Ive never had this much trouble with a guy. I dont say I love you or such things unless I mean it. But this guy had been saying things he cant keep. That might upset me but now I should move on. Thanks for helping.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 November 2010): You're right, things don't seem that fair. But with all honesty you started off by having sex, by having a casual thing. It sounds to me like he just wanted to keep it that way and say and do whatever was necessary to keep that with you.
Seriously though forget about him, whether he's a jerk or not is irrelevant. The fact is nothing good will come from talking to him ever again. You say look at what he made you do, sorry but he didn't make you do anything, but if he's having that kind of effect on you then you're better off without him. Seriously stay away from him.
I was serious in my earlier post though OP, you have to learn to react better to situations if that's the kind of thing you do. You're really only hurting yourself when you do those things. Reputation is not important but it is VERY important to not have a bad one. This is especially true for women (I know it shouldn't be, women should be equal) but getting a reputation for doing the things you did, will really hurt you in the future. You'll meet a lot more of this kind of guy and you'll just get your heart broken over and over. I know it shouldn't really matter, it's unfair but that's the way things are. If you get a reputation as being the kind of girl that will use guys for sex, will do crazy things to get revenge and bad mouths other people too. Then no good guy is going to take a risk with you. All they'll see is an easy lay and one they don't have to care about because they think they'll just get hurt if they do.
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 November 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWell first of all thanks for your honesty.
What I did was crazy I know. But after I said I dont do bf he wanted me to open myself to him. And I told him that I want to try if he does have feelings for me. I asked him if he wants to be with me but then he starts to keep playing cool. He said he doesnt know what I am to him.
We had been on and off over and over. Sometimes he doesnt call me back. Even for a month. I thought we are on when mood suits him. We go clubs go some place loud where we dont have to talk. Every time I said I want to make clear about us he just never answered. And then he calls me after a few days and said like hey whats up.
He never gave me a reason to stay. I told him I feel like nothing to him but he never tried to talk through it. What was I supposed to do? What I did was clearly terrible but really you think he hasnt had nothing to do with what I did?
If he didnt have feelings for me I think he shouldve told me. Hes acting like my bf and getting my hopes up and then he told me that he doesnt know what i am to him right after having sex. And he just walked away from me with a random girl while hes saying he doesnt want me to meet any other guy.
Its just me that things were not fair?
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 November 2010): Maybe he played you maybe he didn't. You say you don't do boyfriends and you agreed to just be casual with him so you can't expect him to turn around and suddenly have feelings for you, you can't expect him to commit to a girl who says she doesn't do serious relationships. So all he wanted was sex, that's all he believed you'd give him. You even went off and had sex with some random guy just to prove a point to him and to piss him off.
Why do you think he'd want to be with a girl that does that kind of thing? He cut you off immediately after that as any guy would. That's really a messed up thing to do actually, sleep with a guy just because you want to get back at him on the off chance that this guy know him. No offence but I wouldn't ever speak to a girl like that again either. That's very creepy indeed.
I'd be worried that any time we had a fight you'd go off and give some guy a blow job or something just to get back at me. You went off and bad mouthed him, called him a player and then slept with a guy who "might" know him. Really? What were you thinking that would achieve?
He might have actually liked you OP, but you made it so clear from the start that you don't want to get tied down that he had to make sure he didn't get too attached to you. Who wants to have feelings for someone who has told them not bother? He had to protect himself, because falling for a person who is only after something casual can be painful.
OP you need to consider what happened here, he's gone, leave him alone. I don't think he played you at all, I think you did some crazy things actually. You said one thing then expected the opposite, the minute things didn't go your way, you went off and did some crazy things.
You really need to consider your behaviour and make up your mind. Either you want a relationship with someone or you don't, you can't just start casual relationships with guys telling them you're not into having boyfriends and then changing your mind half way through. It doesn't work like that. You can't say the doors closed and then expect the other person to open up. You say you like to party OP, fair enough, enjoy yourself but don't expect anything more than sex from guys until you calm down and let them.
You might wanna have a nice long think about what you're doing too. People are going to know what you did, he's going to tell people what happened and it's going to get around. You're going to get a very bad reputation on the back of this. I mean come on. Come on, how does that look to other people.
All he did was not return your feelings after you told him not to, you then go behind his back and trash talk about him to another guy. To make things worse you then went off and slept with a random guy just to get back at him. Now you're calling him a player, an asshole and a liar. How is it that you can't figure this out? You can't treat people that way and expect everything to be fine OP. You treated him like dirt, then another guy had to listen to you bad mouth him and then you used a 3rd guy for sex with the sole aim of making him jealous and hurting him.
If you wanna know what went wrong then have a serious think about how you treat people, how you react to certain situations, what you want and how you're going about it. Those three guys will probably go around telling people you're crazy and can you really blame them for that?
Nothing I've said is a negative reflection on you OP, please don't take offence or feel bad about it. But you handled his situation very badly this is something you need to have a look at. You can't continue to treat people like that and expect good things to happen. You're going to get a very bad reputation if you keep doing things like that and if that happens then you won't actually be able to get a boyfriend even if you wanted to because guys will only play you and use you for sex, as your reputation becomes that way.
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