A
male
age
36-40,
*'ve been there
writes:The girl i've loved for 4 years has a boyfriend, what should i do?So, theres this girl who is a very close friend of mine, i have seen her have many bfs thru the years and ave seen her been hurt a lot. Now she has a stable relationship with an older guy who in my opinion is a complete asshole (excuse my language). I ave never had the courage to tel her how i feel and now i feel the chance has slipped away. I cant just walk away and frget about her, i love her too much.
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 February 2007): I like my best friend to and I watch him have many girlfriends. i know where your coming from. You should tell her how you feel. Since you guys are close friend she has trust in you. You arent new to her. She might feel the same way about you. Give it a try. GOOD LUCK!!!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 February 2007): You have another option, to continue on as her good friend and wait for her to be single again, chances are likely that she will be.
If you have loved her for 4 years, it seems telling that you have never put action behind your feelings.
Perhaps you really do value the friendship over risking it for a romantic relationship.
I think you need to ask yourself are you really in love with her out of a deep emotional and mental connection with all the physical passion, love and respect that goes along with that feeling? Do you want to make a concious decision to love her and only her? Or are you mostly feeling comfortable and familiar and are a bit jealous of the time the boyfriend is stealing away from your friendship?
If the answer is that you are in love, and you think she would reciprocate your feelings, then by all means, take the risk and tell her how you feel, but why you waited this long is beyond me.....maybe you have some commitment issues, or issues with intimacy that you could explore...
You say she is in a stable relationship with an a-hole, which is contradictory....pretty hard to be in a stable relationship where one half of the partnership is not even taking up space but is in fact a hole! If she is complaining about him to you, then she ain't happy, so here's your chance to put some of your cards on the table and tell her how you feel about her.
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A
female
reader, Carina  +, writes (23 February 2007):
 Sounds as if you have two choices: you walk away and forget her, or you talk to her about how you feel. You don't need to tell her how you feel about her current boyfriend, but let her know that you love her and are there for her if she ever decides she wants you. Tell her you'll always be her friend whatever she decides. Then wait and see what happens. There's not much else you can do. If you're meant to be together it will happen at some time and if it doesn't you need to have something else in your life to focus on, so in the meantime go out with other girls and focus on other things in your life. At the very least you will have a great friend! I hope it works out for you.
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