A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:So I have a work acquaintance in another department across the hall from me. We started hanging out in a group a few months ago and things seemed pretty cool. She is fairly new in town and I figured she just wanted new people to hang out with. Lately she has been getting very demanding and intense about hanging out. She texts me constantly, facebook messages, email invitations, work instant message ALWAYS asking what I'm up to, can we hang out this weekend or the next or the weekend after.. it got really weird the other day when she suddenly texted that she was near my apartment (she doesn't know where I live but just the general area).Honestly its making me very uncomfortable and I've found myself either not responding much or making excuses whenever she asks me to do something. I work from home part of the week, but she knows the days I am in the office and will come to my desk and so obviously I can't completely avoid her. Is there a tactful way of telling her to back off? I don't want to be rude because we have friends in common and I obviously still have to see her but her behavior is getting VERY annoying and mildly creepy. Thanks for the help.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 July 2014): I'm with Honeypie, you should just be honest. This is coming from someone who has been in HER shoes. I hate it when someone is clearly coming up with elaborate excuses not to see me, which actually takes more effort than just telling the truth. I don't go to the extent she's going, meaning I back off once I realize what's going on. However, that doesn't make it any less irritating.It will do her good to know what she's doing wrong. She IS trying too hard, and maybe she just needs someone to tell her. Loneliness has obviously taken its toll on her, and she isn't thinking straight. I would love if someone were to tell me what I do wrong, so I could fix it.
A
male
reader, Mark1978  +, writes (13 July 2014):
 She sounds like the kinda person that perhaps needs a blunt explanation, rather than a hint. Her behaviour is verging on harassment and if it was a man acting this way towards a woman then it would be perceived quite differently.
I appreciate she is lonely and new in town, but her behaviour is obsessive and invasive. Its also worrying that she seems to be stalking you. I don't think tactfully asking her to back off is going to make much difference.
With respect, people like her latch onto certain people for a reason. Usually people who are too polite to tell her where to go. You need to stop worrying about being too polite and block her from social media, stop reading or responding to her texts and explain to your co-workers and friends as to her behaviour. Next time she approaches your desk tell her you are very busy and don't engage in conversation. You don't have to be rude, just firm. If that doesn't work or the issue persists then speak to your manager.
Mark
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (11 July 2014):
 This is one of those instances where you might just have to be honest with her.
TRY and put yourself in her shoes for a minute or two. She is new in town and hoping to make friends. My guess is she doesn't make lasting friends easily.
Maybe tell her you understand she is trying to make new friends, but you feel she is trying a little too hard and instead of making you WANT to be friendly it pushes you away.
And YOU can tell her that you have a pretty busy schedule and don't really have time or room for a new friend. I know it's not the easy route to go ( you don't want to hurt her feelings and all) but.. sometimes you need to be blunt.
If you DO NOT want to be anything besides polite co-workers, I would in the future keep stuff like Facebook/texting til you KNOW what kind of person they are.
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