A
female
 ,
anonymous
writes:My bf is really good friends with this girl and her bf. I get the feeling that the girl is trying to break me and my bf up, or something like that anyway.I am interested in other peoples outsiders veiws of the situation. Just so you know, my bf, this girl and his friends are all 25 and I am 21. Basically, the reason I think she is trying to break us up is because from the moment I met her, she tried to intimidate me by giving me really mean/dirty looks (yes I know, sounds like we are back in school again, but honestly thats the sort of games she is playing), making fun of my beliefs and values and asking me why im not "more like the guys". I Take it all as a form of putting me down.The thing that bothers me the most is that she lied to my bf. She told him that I apparanrly said all these mean things to her when no one else was around. Which is not true. And there is NO WAY she could of misinterpreted the things I did say to her because what she told my bf was nothing about what we talked about and I would never say anything like that. I am the type of person who prides themself on trying to be nice and respectful to everyone, so it hurts me that she is portraying me to be this bad perso nwhen im not. What hurts more, is my bf believes her over me. He cant understand why she would have a reason to lie to him about it....but she is!!When ever I see this girl I will say hello to her and smile at her when greeting her, but she then tells my bf that I ignore her and never say hello. She plays the poor innocent act saying 'why doesnt ur gf like me? what have i done thats so wrong? i try to hard to be nice to her and i get nothing in return? *cue tears*'. And my bf falls for it everytime...She also flirts with him all the time by phyiscally touching him type of thing. I know some people are just like this when they talk to others but, she touches my bf more then she does her own bf!!! Thats gotta say something?To make things more interesting, I get the feelign she is jealous of me, who I am and wnats my bf. So much...that shes trying to be like me perhaps? Me and her are very different in many areas from personality, values, style, interests etc. Just recently shes made alot of changes to her self, including a new hair style and cut...exactly same as mine. Everyone always says me and my bf match together because of how we look and this girl and her bf match as well..yet now shes changing her look to look less like her own bf's match and to look more like my bf's match.Shes gotten a new perfume...exact same one as mine which my bf always goes on about how much he loves!!!And to an even more of a compying extent, I just got a brand new car, and the type of car I got isnt that popular, but what does she do? She goes out and buys the same new car. My bf always says he admires me for how I am somewhat quiet, he thinks its cute...now this girl she has always been a veyr loud and outspoken girl, lately she has quieted down alot. Shes even trying to claim she is a Christian and goes to church now like me...pftttt the way she acts towards me is not very christian like at all. Its like shes tryign to copy everything my bf loves about me. Those are just a few examples of how she copies me. On the contrast, I feel like my bf is trying to get me to be more like her! Hes always saying "why dont you do this because [insert that girls name] does it"...For example, I dont swear really at all, I dont mind people swearing but its just never been a habit ive picked up on and I dont see the point in starting it just for the sake of "being cool"- honestly I feel like im back in school again with my bf trying to "peer pressure" me into swearing just because this girl does and him and his friends and this girl think im not cool because i dont swear.Another thing is he wants me to watch porn with him, this girl watches it with her bf...so why wont i he says. Before she got her new car just like mine, my bf was trying to tell me to get the same car as she had previously because it was "cool cause [insert girls name] drives it". I constantly feel like I am being compared to this girl and that I cant live up to his expecttiosn of me being like her. I have straight out asked him and said to him "why do you want me to be like her? if you like her so much that you are trying to change who i am so i am like her why dont u just go date the real her". He denied likeing her and trying to turn me into her, but im still not convinved. What are your thoughts on the situation? What should i do?
View related questions:
christian, flirt, his ex, jealous, porn Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 December 2009): Hey
Listen, You have the upper hand, because at the moment, YOU ARE HIS GIRLFRIEND!
There are ways that you can handle this, and you need to up your game just a little bit.
- when you are around her and your boyfriend, be 'nice' to her, so that your boyfriend can see you are making an effort, (in this way, when she bitches about you, when youre not around, you can say to your boyf, well i am always nice to her, you have seen it for yourself)
- when you pay her compliments, dont be too nice, say things like 'oh i like your hair, got it short like mine' or 'is that your car?,i like it, its similar to mine , how are you finding it' - compliments, but refer them back to you. so she knows, you had them first, but you are being nice about it, say things like this when others are around.
-when you see her alone, dont go out of your way to be extra nice, just remember how bitchy she actually is, dont let this girl put fear in you, dont be fake, just say hi, and dont smile.
-when you see her, ring/txt your boyf first, and say, 'oh, i just saw your mate, i did say hello, hope she doesnt complain about it' (get in there before she does, whatever you do tho, dont bitch about this girl in front of him)
- when you and your boyf are alone, just say little things like, 'oh, so youre friend got a haircut like mine then, she must really like mine, or so youre friends driving a car like mine', make him realise that shes copying you, but do it nicley, if he sees you bitching about her it might come across as jelous, and you have no need to be jelous of her. shes not all that right?!
- when your boyf says 'oh you smell nice' give him the wrong name of the perfume, so when he tells her, she will get the wrong one
- when your alone with youre boyfriend, away from the crowd, hug him,kiss him, do whatever lol, be all cute and girly. you will know what he likes, so tease him, and tell him that you love being alone with him, (dont mention her name), but say things like 'people say we make a good couple' and 'how much do u like me' and then lead these little things on to, 'some times i get upset when you believe others before you believe me..' (whilst having these small convos, kiss him and stuff, sweet talk him into gettin something you want) if you find him getting angry drop the convo, kiss, and then restart it with a diff approach
-your boyfriend needs to make her realise that you are his girl, so when you are around her, hold his hand, whisper something funny in his ear so he laughs, whisper a question, so he has to whisper back, make this girl realise you to have a close relationship
-she is jelous that you have taken her friend away, i should know this, because i am similar to the girl you do not like, however i do not fancy my best mate, i just felt threated by his girlfriend, i thought she was going to ruin our friendship.
-ask your boyfriend how serious he is about you? because if he is, ultimatley he would do anything for you. because this will have to be a VERY LAST RESORT. give him a choice. If he does not tell his friend to respect you, then tell him its over. Simple as. LAST RESORT THOUGH!
Dont let this person ruin something special.
Good luck
God Bless xx
A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim +, writes (14 December 2009):
 Walk away, if he follow you tell him you feel that you are constantly being set up to compete with her, by him and by her, and that you are not into those sorts of competitions.
If he wants to work through it with you, be firm about what you want and what you expect from him, let him know you are not a liar, that he needs to accept his friends g/f does not have your best interests at heart, and that you understand he needs to interact with his friends, but you would prefer to have limited contact with her
Good luck
...............................
|
