A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:This seems silly, but I honestly wonder this. There was a few posts on a social media site that claimed while females will look at a male as just being a friend, the same is not true for the male. The male, supposedly, almost always has some level of interest in a female friend.My boyfriend has plenty of female friends and I have plenty of male friends. To be honest this makes me a little nervous! Is there any truth behind it? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 December 2014): It's such a hard question and one I struggled with at one time myself. If you enter a committed relationship, then there are boundaries with friends of the opposite sex. This would be the only thing I can be certain of....... Greetings, casual conversations, if co-workers, their company gatherings, etc.are certainly benign. I question the man who feels he has to send flowers and other gifts as well as go out to dinners with them. I can only gather that there is some amount of attraction. This happened to me and I never met the other women but saw their pictures and were very attractive single women of a younger age group. If the man who commits can't make it any more casual than that, then give it up. It's disrespectful and certainly not worth your time. Get this.....this guy told me that they were there before me so he therefore owed them this courtesy!! I think in the long run and observing people's behavior, you will find out what's right and what isn't. It's also what each expects from the relationship. Good luck!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 December 2014): While I do believ that friendship between sexes is possible, I personally don't really have any male friends only my girfriend's husbands, but they are not really close friends.
I really tried to have male friends, but every single time it's some sexual thoughts on their part, and if nothing happens, they become indifferent.
This summer I met a guy while I travelled. We spent 2 days together just as friends. We are from one country both. So we became friends on FB and everything was fine until he had a new girlfriend. And immediately he deleted me. Why? We didn't even kissed, just sent each other messages. Weird
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 December 2014): I think it all depends on how you were raised. I grew up with brothers, so I am comfortable around men, I can have a male friend and not have any feelings towards them, except maybe for 'love' friendship, like a family member. My family was very respectiful of each other's spouses, so nothing really ever happened. So me as a grown up, I feel that way as well. But I think in some families, they can be a lot more sexual, like more flirting, etc. And then the child grows up always seeing guys or girls in that light...if you know what I mean...Harmless joking around with opposite sex is okay to me, YOU know the LINE to cross. If you don't trust your partner then I could see why you would be worried. I've always had respectiful men around me, even my husband's friends, and I'm a attractive girl, and never had any issues. But yet again, I don't become SUPER close with any males...honestly I don't think your spouse should either. There's a line and there needs to be distance between eachother's emotions to have a normal stable relationship with the opposite sex.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (4 December 2014):
 it is MY PERSONAL experience (and that's all I will speak to on THIS topic) is that YES they can IF
a. one party is gay and the other is not
b. both parties are in serious relationships with other people and committed to them.
OTHERWISE... for the most part a friendship between single men and single women... CAN happen but USUALLY one of the people in the friendship wants more and settles for just friendship.
that being said I have several friends who are men
one is married happily as I am
one is gay
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (4 December 2014):
 WooF
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A
female
reader, WhenCowsAttack +, writes (4 December 2014):
Of course they can.
Those that say they can't are, frankly, dogs.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 December 2014): This question has been asked hundreds of times. I don't really think there is even a scientific answer; because it's one of those types of questions you'd probably have to take a survey on, and poll the subjects. As humans go, when polled in a survey; we either lie, or tell the pollster or researcher what they want to hear. At best, answers are subjective and all we have to go by is anecdotal evidence.
I know for a fact, males and females can really just be friends. I've lived a long time, and I have known a lot of people in my lifetime. Most of the people I've known had friends of both genders. I'd be lying if I said none have boinked at some point. Most don't share that information.
It's usually awkward afterward, or it comes to and end.
Once sex enters the picture, you're no longer only friends. You've redefined the meaning of that relationship. Even if it never happens again. If it doesn't evolve into a romance, it usually turns into something less comfortable.
Lets just use common-sense. Some people see their friends as only friends. They have no sexual-attraction; because the connection is like brother and sister. Family-mode.
Some people see friendship as an exploitative situation.
A convenience. They're not really friends. They're predators just waiting to pounce. There is no difference between men or women in this case. We're equal.
We have moral boundaries and social etiquette that we practice and respect. Unwritten rules that say you can't have sex with everybody you find sexually-attractive. Some people don't set legal, ethical, or moral boundaries between themselves and close acquaintances. Anything goes. They don't know the meaning of "friendship." They use the word out of context. A better term is "trick" or "f*ck-buddy." "Friend" is more socially-acceptable in public.
More PC.
Self-discipline and values sets us apart from lower primates who show affection and greet each other by humping on each other. Regardless of gender. Some people are like that. I knew this guy once...no, lets not get into that!
We have enough self-discipline and decency as human-beings to set and respect boundaries. There are people who are morally-deficient or morally-challenged. They set no boundaries, and anyone's game. Some people call it a "friendship" to hide what it really is. You have to put the word in "quotes!" They're just a couple of horn-dogs!
I guess it all depends on the emotional-connection between people whether they will keep boundaries between them that distinguishes a platonic-friendship, from a sexual/romantic connection.
I am gay. I have straight male friends. When people were more ignorant about homosexuality, you couldn't convince anyone that a gay-guy and a straight guy-can't be friends without the presumption that both are gay, or one is bisexual. That is total bullsh*t!!!
Just like some of the ugliest male trolls on earth have the unmitigated gall to be homophobic! When gay men can be extraordinarily picky and obsessed with good-looks. These trolls have absolutely no need to be the least bit worried. None whatsoever! In fact, even good-looks assure you no attention; if you don't have a "full package." Generalizing here folks! This was meant as humor!
I've had my straight-male friends for years; and I have never crossed the line. They treat me like any other guy. I have beautiful female friends, I mean really hot and sexy. They turn heads everywhere we go. I used to have sex with females. Now I don't. They never make any passes at me, nor me at them. We are physically affectionate. We cuddle, spoon, kiss, and we even shower together. No hanky-panky. People can adjust their minds to turn-off the sex-button; and enjoy close contact and exchange affection without using the emotional bond between them to include sex.
Just like male doctors can examine female patients, and maintain professional-detachment. It's called restraint!
We all slip now and then. Not that often with friends.
If sex does enter the picture, that is what it was about from the start. It was never really about friendship. If people start-out as friends, and it becomes sexual; then there were no real boundaries, and the sex-button was never really turned-off. There was an underlying attraction just waiting to get out.
As the song by Jamie Foxx goes...we usually "blame it on the ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-alcohol!!!" New Years being the main time of year when the lines seem to blur! Crossing that line usually makes a mess.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (4 December 2014):
 I agree fully with YouWish.
My husband have female friend and I have ALWAYS had male friends - PLATONIC friends where there was never any romance involved.
I mean consider that there are MANY MANY bisexuals and homosexuals as well, does that mean they can't be friends with BOTH gender (for the bisexuals) and same gender (for homosexuals)? It would make no sense.
YOU (general you) can be friend with people of ANY gender or sexuality and just ENJOY a friendship.
People who have hidden agendas (who really want a romantic relationship but FAKE a friendships) aren't really a good friend and IF that happened YOU (general you) need to nip it in the bud and cut it off.
And I also agree with the whole "friends with an ex" it's BULL - it RARELY works as a REAL friendship should. Because there USED to be A LOT of emotions/feelings going on. BUT I don't think it's ALWAYS true that exes can't be friends. I just think it's more about NOT wanting to really let go than a friendship.
Oh, and I don't think men are more likely to want more than women from a friendship. WOMEN are JUST as often "guilty" of pretending to be a FRIEND to a guy hoping he will realize SHE is perfect for him. And I DO think women MORE often fake these "friendships" with guys who have a GF, then guys go after girls with a BF.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 December 2014): I love my male friends like brothers or cousins. I think it is important to have good friends of both genders to keep us with great role models of the opposite sex!
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (4 December 2014):
 I think that there can be platonic friends between genders, and when I say platonic, I don't merely mean that one or both or either have romantic feelings, because if that is in play, then it's not platonic.
My husband has a few platonic female friends, I have a few platonic guy friends. I don't think the genders need to be terrified of each other, and our culture oversexualizes every good and pure feeling to the point where even in Lord of the Rings, the Frodo and Sam gay jokes abound, as if guys aren't supposed to feel emotions for each other without it somehow becoming sexualized.
Insecurity on both sides mess up good platonic friendships. Ego on the part of the person with the platonic friendship, and jealousy on the part of the partner of someone who has a platonic friendship.
I want to be clear though - in my opinion, there can be no platonic friendship with people where there are or were romantic feelings OR they were former exes. Those friendships are dormant romantic ones that choose not to be physical. Emotional affairs can be just as destructive as physical ones.
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