A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:my partner cheated on me and we have split but now the whole situation has really wrecked my nerves.i made many sacrifices to help build everything we had-and this is the thanks i get.i feel on edge all the time,my nerves are bad and i keep having panic attacks.i feel really ill and so shakey like i can not function.yes i have been to the doctors,counsellers etc and they jsut suggested goin on proazac which i dont want!i tried st john worts but no good.i want to try alternative methods.please please can anyone help me?i am goin out of my mind.even my hands shake tying this up.i am falling apart slowly.please can someone help
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female
reader, Dr. Surgel +, writes (28 June 2007):
 All the above advice is really heartfelt. I hope you can see from that that all those people have been through the same stuff and survived. And got better than what they were before.I just wouldn't dismiss the antidepressants. Something like Zoloft or similar will really help with panic attacks, and you might only need medication for 6 months or so. The side effects of antidepressants aren't what people think, and you don't get a new dumber personality either. You are just able to think and operate more clearly and effectively, and see positives and options where previously there were none.The trauma has upset your brain chemistry and medication is the quickest way to get that back on track. The vitamins and supplements may well be the long term answer, but you probably need some prescription medication right now.BestDr. Surgel
A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 June 2007): You need to take care of yourself while you are feeling so bad.
There are some thing you can do to make this time more tolerable, and they sound silly but give it a try:
Distract yourself, sitting around thinking about this guy is making you feel worse. Do puzzles, computer games, exercise until you are too tired to think.
When it is really painful, you can do something that require s you to concentrate, like count the colors you see in a room, the leaves on a tree, count backwards from 100 in 7's - it keeps your thoughts off the painful stuff.
If you are really having a panic attack and for example crying uncontrollably - take a very cold shower. The shock of it will keep you from thinking for a few minutes and calm you.
Watch TV or movies or listen to music that are the opposite of how you are feeling - funny, calm, etc. Just having it on in the background even if you aren't totally concentrating on it could help.
Listen to really loud music (I used to play heavy metal that I hate really loud in the car, I couldn't concentrate and it kept me from feeling miserable because I couldn't think with that noise in background!)
Treat yourself to a schlocky magazine, chocolate ice cream, flowers or something that makes you feel happier - make one little corner of your apartment pretty.
Anything but thinking about the breakup, do that as little as possible.
OK, those things could help, but listen up:
You are having severe physical symptoms so I think you should take a prescription just as you would if you had pneumonia. Your brain chemistry is really messed up from the trauma. Since you are having panic attacks you should take something for anxiety, and not something from a health food store. For a short time you need something like xanax, klonopin, valium, ativan. It will calm you, you need this for a little while, it is taking care of yourself not being weak. You can't heal while you are a hysterical mess.
You may need prozac or something too. I know lots of people who fight taking these meds forever - when they finally do, they are like "WOW, I can't believe anything can make me feel so much better." Again this will give your poor body a little break so you can heal and get over the loss.
Please take care of yourself.
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A
female
reader, Kate Robbins  +, writes (27 June 2007):
Hi
Well, I hope I can help. I'll certainly try because I've been there, done that, had the panic attacks, fell to pieces, been offered a 'lifetime on Prozac', learned the hard way how to get myself back on track & learned valuable lessons along the way. Firstly... good girl for ignoring the doctor's and their medication advice. Let's deal with the physical first. You won't believe how much your body's physical symptoms can fool an intelligent person into thinking that it's the mind and emotions at fault. NOT THE CASE. Deal with your physical symptoms & you'll be surprised at the uplift in your condition and your ability to cope past this awful period.
St John's Wort is much hyped and doesn't work for a lot of people. You need a very good B Complex - nothing cheap. Primarily we are aiming at a B12 B6 & B1 hit but you must take them as a complete complex. They are best taken with food and a Zinc supplement. Zinc Picolinate is the best - again, cheapness isn't the answer. Add to this a Chromium Picolinate supplement and take them together. Later in the day make sure you take good Omega3/6 combination (UDO's do a good one & keep it in the fridge). I'd recommend taking an all round good vitamin & mineral supplement (Solgar are excellent) but as an absolute minimum, take the above. If you drink & smoke or eat excess sugar, try and stop or cut back drastically. They rob the body of all the above, prevent your body absorbing them when you do supplement and generally make a bad situation much much worse.
When you're nervous, depressed, on edge... your body goes through it's vitamin & mineral reserves at an alarming rate and your blood sugar can drop dramatically and very quickly as a result, which will play a huge part in the constant shakeing and feeling ill and without doubt it will contribute to the panic attacks. So you have to eat healthily & frequently. Not big meals & not calorie laden. Either salad with any of the following; Tuna/Avocado/short grain organic brown rice/nuts. As an alternative try vegetable juices with green leaves as a base & carrot to sweeten. By frequently I mean every 3-4 hours. Try not to mix protein & carbs in the same meal and try to avoid nibbling on fruits too much as the sugar, even natural, puts you on an emotional rollercoaster. Trust me. You have to stabilise your body and it's easier than you think. Let's start really looking after yourself & turn this situation around.
I'll post this now just so that you know there is help out there and I'll carry on with the post further down.
-----------------------------------
Hi... back again. Now this isn't going to happen overnight but it will happen more quickly than you think. The quicker you get to grips with the above, the quicker you'll feel 'normal' again and more capable.
Emotionally you have to try to look beyond the awfulness of your present situation which I now is easier said than done, but you have to realise that this just may be a heaven sent gift. I didn't know it and wouldn't have believed it when it happened to me. I thought the end of the world had happened but there's an old adage that life doesn't throw at you anything that you can't handle. It's true and everything that happens really does happen for a reason. As a result of my experiences, I really learned how my body and mind work. I eat healthily, look years younger for it, have a wonderful relationship with someone who loves me to bits. I'm emotionally stable, enjoy life & I know that I turned it all around myself by making the right choices.
You say that you made many sacrifices and that in itself is a give-away. Every couple need to compromise but when those compromises turn into one way sacrifices and that becomes the norm, then your whole life becomes about the other person and how smoothly you can facilitate their path through life - how much you give up to make things right for them. They on the other hand can quickly learn ( and there may be no maliciousness in it but we are after all an intelligent spieces and learning curves come in all shapes and forms) that you are there to smooth their life. That whatever they do, you will smooth the edges off and roll out the carpet. If you sacrifice often enough, then eventually that's all they visualise after a time. It's not necessarily nasty... it's just a learned behaviour. But it may mean that they have seperate roles in their heads for seperate behavious and your role is becoming increasingly one of a facilitator. Hence maybe, the other woman.
You have to understand that it's not your fault and maybe not even his. But it's a wake-up call to say that your balance of life is out of kilter. For reasons that may have to do with low self-esteem or past role models, you prostrate yourself at the feet of others and in doing so abandon the well-being of the person who matters most.
Life doesn't come with a rule book or an instruction manual. Oh, how we all wish it did... but sometimes you need to hit the bottom just in order how to learn to work the controls for yourself. Take a deep breath, visit that health food shop, clear out the fridge. Start slowly and start afresh and I highly recommend Yoga - done properly it is a tremendous help... and trust me. You'll look back on this with thanks that it's over but gratitude for what it will teach you.
Just as an extra note, I listened to a lot of Self help tapes & read books to understand why people do what they do. Find the right person for you and it really is a help. If this has helped you please let me know and I'll be only to happy to follow up. Deep breath and be strong.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 June 2007): Dear anom!
I so feel w/ you right now. I wish I could help you more than just write. I've been 'there' before and can't say much as to have FAITH and HOPE please, for your sake. The healing TAKES time. Have patience. be kind to yourself. The only one who can really be at your side and solve ALL problems, especially emotional feelings that wreck your health, is the one we can't see, but I'm sure you can feel the higher level of our planet. Angels are always at our side too. We MUST ask for help though, they can't help if you don't ask. Guardian angel Rafael will help you for your health and guide you to a more peaceful time. Give all your worries to God and the angels, just do it for me or s/one who cares for you. Please. Don't dwell in your sorrows. I know that sounds all easy to say, but again I've been there: I was shaking all over and not eating a crumb, for weeks, and really regret I could do myself so much harm as it wasn't worth it. I only saw that years later.. I wasted a lot of time. If you are not a believer, believe in yourself that you will see the brighter side of life. This will happen sooner than you expect. Just let it happen. Let go. Things will sort themselves out. They always do. Even if it's not exactly as we wish or expect. You're still young and I suppose healthy, don't let a stupid guy break your heart. There are some few nice ones out there. Yes, you must 've build up a lot together, but you must move on. Build up s/thing for yourself, take up your activities you did before him, or s/thing else you like. Meet new people, friends. Don't talk on and on about this problem, but try to listen to others. You'll see you are not on your own. They might be ready to help you. What about your mum or good girlfriend? S/times I did feel i could help myself the best. Rest and sleep lots if you can. Or work your heart out. But try switching off.
At the moment I'm in a webcafe and forgot my login password. I'm angelica111, and really pray you get your self-esteem back and hope in a new good future. It's possible. Let the angels be w/ you, love and hugs :)
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 June 2007): Dear please take the medications. Specially if doctors have prescribed anti-axiety drugs like Klonopin or Xanax. I'm a psychologist, suffering from anxiety and panic attacks, trying to recover from a less than one month old break-up and also on your age range. Trust me, I can relate to you. Please let those prescription drugs help you a little trough this terrible phase. Not taking them could result in you becoming more and more anxious and mentally affected. It happened to me. You see your brain is being negatively affected by the constant worry and generalized anxiety state in wich you are. This damage is irreversible. I wish I had those available when I started having panic attacks back in 2001 because of the extreme pressure of my family, college and boyfriends constant rejections.
I'm not saying that you'll have to take them for the rest of your life but just to help you think a little clearer and to get on with other aspects of your life.
One thing that helped me a lot and set me free without the help of any doctor, drug or supplement was God. Going to an evangelical church, watching christian TV and reading the Bible completely changed my life for the better. You can ask him right now to come into your heart and if you do it sincerely I promise you will feel something special inside of you. That's the Holy Spirit comunicating with you. Telling you you are not alone. Maybe that person didn't value all the efforts you made. But God will value everything you do for Him. Leave all that suffering in His hands. Proverbs 20:22 -- Do not say, 'I'll pay you back for this wrong!' Wait for the LORD, and he will deliver you.
I also suggest to you an alternative and natural supplement that changed my life. I don't work for them by the way. The name it's Becalm'd and you can search for it and buy it online. I suggest Ebay (it's cheaper and shipping is faster) This suplement won't work instantly but will work. Just take two capsules in the morning on an empty stomach and wait 30 min. before you eat anything. You can repeat the dose (on an empty stomach) before you go to bed.
I hope this helps you dear.
...............................
A
female
reader, Kate Robbins +, writes (27 June 2007):
Hi
Well, I hope I can help. I'll certainly try because I've been there, done that, had the panic attacks, fell to pieces, been offered a 'lifetime on Prozac', learned the hard way how to get myself back on track & learned valuable lessons along the way. Firstly... good girl for ignoring the doctor's and their medication advice. Let's deal with the physical first. You won't believe how much your body's physical symptoms can fool an intelligent person into thinking that it's the mind and emotions at fault. NOT THE CASE. Deal with your physical symptoms & you'll be surprised at the uplift in your condition and your ability to cope past this awful period.
St John's Wort is much hyped and doesn't work for a lot of people. You need a very good B Complex - nothing cheap. Primarily we are aiming at a B12 B6 & B1 hit but you must take them as a complete complex. They are best taken with food and a Zinc supplement. Zinc Picolinate is the best - again, cheapness isn't the answer. Add to this a Chromium Picolinate supplement and take them together. Later in the day make sure you take good Omega3/6 combination (UDO's do a good one & keep it in the fridge). I'd recommend taking an all round good vitamin & mineral supplement (Solgar are excellent) but as an absolute minimum, take the above. If you drink & smoke or eat excess sugar, try and stop or cut back drastically. They rob the body of all the above, prevent your body absorbing them when you do supplement and generally make a bad situation much much worse.
When you're nervous, depressed, on edge... your body goes through it's vitamin & mineral reserves at an alarming rate and your blood sugar can drop dramatically and very quickly as a result, which will play a huge part in the constant shakeing and feeling ill and without doubt it will contribute to the panic attacks. So you have to eat healthily & frequently. Not big meals & not calorie laden. Either salad with any of the following; Tuna/Avocado/short grain organic brown rice/nuts. As an alternative try vegetable juices with green leaves as a base & carrot to sweeten. By frequently I mean every 3-4 hours. Try not to mix protein & carbs in the same meal and try to avoid nibbling on fruits too much as the sugar, even natural, puts you on an emotional rollercoaster. Trust me. You have to stabilise your body and it's easier than you think. Let's start really looking after yourself & turn this situation around.
I'll post this now just so that you know there is help out there and I'll carry on with the post further down.
...............................
A
female
reader, Kate Robbins +, writes (27 June 2007):
Hi
Well, I hope I can help. I'll certainly try because I've been there, done that, had the panic attacks, fell to pieces, been offered a 'lifetime on Prozac', learned the hard way how to get myself back on track & learned valuable lessons along the way. Firstly... good girl for ignoring the doctor's and their medication advice. Let's deal with the physical first. You won't believe how much your body's physical symptoms can fool an intelligent person into thinking that it's the mind and emotions at fault. NOT THE CASE. Deal with your physical symptoms & you'll be surprised at the uplift in your condition and your ability to cope past this awful period.
St John's Wort is much hyped and doesn't work for a lot of people. You need a very good B Complex - nothing cheap. Primarily we are aiming at a B12 B6 & B1 hit but you must take them as a complete complex. They are best taken with food and a Zinc supplement. Zinc Picolinate is the best - again, cheapness isn't the answer. Add to this a Chromium Picolinate supplement and take them together. Later in the day make sure you take good Omega3/6 combination (UDO's do a good one & keep it in the fridge). I'd recommend taking an all round good vitamin & mineral supplement (Solgar are excellent) but as an absolute minimum, take the above. If you drink & smoke or eat excess sugar, try and stop or cut back drastically. They rob the body of all the above, prevent your body absorbing them when you do supplement and generally make a bad situation much much worse.
When you're nervous, depressed, on edge... your body goes through it's vitamin & mineral reserves at an alarming rate and your blood sugar can drop dramatically and very quickly as a result, which will play a huge part in the constant shakeing and feeling ill and without doubt it will contribute to the panic attacks. So you have to eat healthily & frequently. Not big meals & not calorie laden. Either salad with any of the following; Tuna/Avocado/short grain organic brown rice/nuts. As an alternative try vegetable juices with green leaves as a base & carrot to sweeten. By frequently I mean everyTry to avoid nibbling on fruits too much as the sugar, even natural, puts you on an emotional rollercoaster. Trust me. You have to stabilise your body and it's easier than you think. Let's start really looking after yourself & turn this situation around.
I'll post this now just so that you know there is help out there and I'll carry on with the post further down.
...............................
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