A
male
age
51-59,
*hirtyfiveish
writes:I recently started a college course and met a girl who had very similar interests in life. I got her email address, but it took us a while to arrange a drink. Eventually it happened, and on the second time we went out I basically told her I was interested in her as more than a drink on a weeknight after class. So, it didn't go well. From emails after that night she basically stated that she couldn't see me on a regular basis (even for a platonic drink) but would go out now and again after class for a beer. Her emails also seemed to suggest that where she found me 'interesting' and 'intriguing' before I told her about my feelings she now doesn't. She has a boyfriend, in fact I think she lives with him. It's hard to explain what I feel about this situation. But I am in pain about it, I think I cared about her very quickly and felt the similarities between us very strongly. Although we are also very different in many ways too. It wouldn't be too bad but for the fact she is both my classes and in one of them she was assigned to the same small work-group of 5 people. What do people usually do in this situation? I don't think I have the tools in the box to deal with this as well as I'd like to.
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female
reader, Tigerlily +, writes (17 April 2010):
So... you went out for drinks 2x and told her you were interested in being more than friends and you scared her away. I'm not sure if you learned that she lives with her boyfriend before or after that happened, but you should give her credit she's still talking to you.
I'm sorry you are hurting. You let your emotions run away with you before you really even got to know this girl, so whatever you feel is just a crush or a fantasy, because you don't know her really at all. If your emotions flamed up this quickly it is likely they will flame out just as quickly so just give it a little time and try to get a bit of perspective about it. When you see her in class you can just enjoy your crush, knowing that it's not going to go anywhere and be glad you can still feel something like that and you know... just try to enjoy it as you would a crush on an unavailable movie star or something.
A
female
reader, mizz.butterflies +, writes (17 April 2010):
 Tell her you understand how she feels,and that you also understand nothing can happen because she has a man. Tell her youre still interested at this point. Stress "at this point". She will get the hint that if she doesnt do something soon,you'll move on. Back off right after that and observe her reaction. Be friendly with her in her class and thats about it
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