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female
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*uvaofsoul
writes: He was the one that chased me and got my number.He wooed me and made me feel very special and desired, even though we live in different cities.about 3 months ago, i started asking him whats happening with the relationship. He gave me answers like, lets take it slow, lets see how things go. I accepted those answers but never felt satisfied.I visited him some weeks ago and he was very very distant to me and didn't seem to want to be intimate with me. I asked him and he said, i don't want you to think its all about sex.Since coming home, the texts and calls have reduced from several times a day to once a day. And the texts are very short, like Good morning and have a great day.I started to feel extremely rejected, especially compared to how we were earlier on.I sent him a text and told him that i find myself crying over him, cause i feel rejected. That i need to put some distance between the two of us.He replied the next day, asking, 'am i asking him to leave me alone'I pannicked and said, i don't know and i would send him an e-mail.The e-mail i sent was extremely strong and 2 pages long. I told him how much i liked him and all the things weve done that makes me like him. Then i started tell him what he's done to hurt me and that i feel so rejected by him.I gave him the option, that if he wants friendship, then i need time away from him. but if he to start the relationship again, then i need him to examine what i have written in the e-mail and lets talk ernestly.Since the e-mail i haven't heard from him and its been two days.I could help me self and send him a text today in the morning. Saying Good morning, don't hate me and i miss the good times we use to have.He never responded.I wonder why he couldn't care for me like i did him?I wonder what turned him of me?I wonder what he thinks of my e-mail?Did i embarass my self with the e-mail and text?I actually miss him and it makes it really hard. I wonder if he misses me?
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 November 2006): Hi, there, don't know what he is thinking, but I would stop sending him any more e-mails and or texts.
Personally, I don't like this form of communication in a relationship, especially one that is still in the non-committed stage, as I think it can lead to miscommunications, and missteps, like reading into things that are not there, like wishful thinking and over estimating the bond that is or is not there.
It is sort of a cheaters way out of doing the relationship thing if that makes sense....if you are not calling and speaking one on one and seeing each other frequently then I don't think you have much of a relationship in the first place, perhaps your friendship just did not have time to blossom under the different locations and all the e-mails etc.
I don't think you should beat yourself up over this, I know it is hard when you like someone and when you had high hopes, but the best thing to do now is to behave your way out of this by getting busy being around your friends and in time dating around again.
In the future just remember that people respond best to pleasure not pressure, I don't mean you should jump into bed, but I mean you should try to be someoneone's friend first by giving them attention and taking care of their emotional needs building trust...guys especially want what they have to work for, and by telling him how you feel about him all of the time, he may feel he does not have to do any work to win you.....it seems stupid but guys like the chase. And you say he chased you and then when you responded he sort of lost interest, happens a lot, and the way to handle that is to not be so eager to see him and allow him some space and time to miss you or to sort out his feelings and thoughts about the relationship...
You have nothing to feel embarassed about, as you felt you were close enough to speak from your heart....this is the way some affairs go, it happens to everyone, just move on for now, you never know he will probably pop back into your life when you least expect it and you will probably be with someone else, and then you can decide if you want him back....
A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 November 2006): Men are men, they think quite differently to us, thats plain and simple. He sounds to me like he was going off the boil anyway. Just look ahead and forget him. You will meet someone else who will keep the flames in you both lighted but don't be too disheartened, he wasn't meant for you. Take care.x
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