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female
,
anonymous
writes: I'm 38 he's 35. He's been divorced for 6 years. He married his high school sweetheart, they were together for 12 years married for 5. She left him and is set to marry the man she cheated on him with. He's had one other long term relationship that lasted about a year. She was very critical of him. We met and found out we had so much in common the same values and lifestyle. Things moved fast and he was staying over all the time. Telling me he's never felt this comfortable with anyone, that I was everything he ever wanted and dreamed of. He would call all the time. Then he started to pull away from me. He knew something was wrong and went to saw a therapist who told him he moved too fast into a relationship and that he should slow down and start dating me. I'm fine with that but it seems as if he is now in a depression. He can't sleep, he is having nightmares and is isolating himself from everone in his life. He wants to change jobs and is making other irrational decisions. His personality has changed from being sweet and compassionate to being cruel and vicious. He's feeling overwhelmed by life. I've asked him if the reason he's pulling away from is because he wants me to leave but he adamantly says "no". I continually tell him I'm here for him and that I'm not leaving but he keeps saying "he should be able to fix this on his own". Any suggestions of what I can do? I hate seeing him in all this pain.
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female
reader, mommyofthree +, writes (11 November 2005):
 You need to give him time and space. You can not force him to accept you help and if you try to force it on him you may lose him forever. He has already sought the help of a therapist so that shows that he is aware of his problems and does want to work through them. If you love him and want to be with him, the best you can do is be there if he decides he wants your help. If this is too much for you then get out now before you cause yourself anymore pain, though it may feel like you are abandoning him in a time of need you might be risking that at the end of all of this he may decide he wants out of the relationship. Look inside yourself and determine whether or not there can be a future for you both after he works out his problems.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 November 2005): Get him back to the doctor, quick He is on the verge of a mental breakdown, and you can't help him, other than to get him to the doctor. Sorry this is happening, but he needs more help than you can give.
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