A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend is disappearing off on a lads holiday next month the same weekend as our anniversary. It’s really annoyed me but he doesn’t care a bit. To be honest our whole relationship has been tainted for a while and it’s all my fault. I cheated last year. We’d been going through a bad patch and were arguing all the time over stupid, petty things. One day we had a huge argument and I ended up going over to one of my friends’ houses just to get away from him for a bit. Really it was a stupid idea because I knew he fancied me and surprise, surprise we ended up having sex. I suppose I knew it was bound to happen. I did regret it immediately and though it took me a few days, I confessed to my boyfriend about it. We did break up but got back together a few weeks later and seemed to sort things out. At least I thought we had. But it’s not been the same since. He loves throwing it back in my face every time we have an argument and definitely plays up on being the ‘wronged party’, not that he’d ever admit it.Things can still be good at times, but its’ pretty clear now he just does what he wants. It’s like he holds all the aces in our relationship now. He’s literally out on the lash or with his mates all the time. Especially with the Euro’s being on, all he does is work and spend hours in the pub watching football afterwards. Even when England aren’t playing. Now most nights I’m stuck in our flat on my own with only the cat for company. But he honestly doesn’t care a jot if it bothers me. Believe it or not I was thinking about booking a weekend away together for our anniversary next month as a surprise but he told me yesterday him and his mates were going to Ibiza next month, on the same weekend. I was fuming and couldn’t believe he’d do something like that. He knew damn well what weekend it was as well because I’d asked him a few times what he wanted to do. I swear he just did it to wind me up. But again, did he care? No. Part of me feels like I should just give up. Like I said everything is tainted now and I doubt things will go back to how they were. He’s said he’s forgiven me for cheating but it’s pretty clear from how he’s acting that he’s still feeling bitter about it and just wants to punish me. But despite everything, I do still love him. Am I fighting a losing battle?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 July 2021): Sorta been there. Had a boyfriend who dumped me for cheating. Cheated on my husband, the consequences were mostly positive. He was real jealous and too protective before - now I do as a please and love it. He's there for me, but not glued to me. My therapist said i crossed that line and he got over it. And now there is no line. Your guy won't get over it,like my old BF he's unforgiving --we all make mistakes,, move on.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 July 2021): I think that in your heart of hearts you know the answer to your own question. If you didn't find your actions questionable you wouldn't have come to an anonymous forum to ask strangers for validation of something you already know but are perhaps reluctant to admit -- you would have gone to your friends/family/loved ones and asked for advice, instead...knowing too well that they wouldn't approve and question your morals...and even perhaps get a different idea of who you really are. As others have said on here, your relationship is over. Sorry OP. Learn your lesson and move on. And if you still have a residue of doubt in your mind, just ask yourself the question: how would you feel if the situation was reversed and he had done this to you?
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A
male
reader, kenny +, writes (9 July 2021):
 This is the outcome of being unfaithful, the damage is often unrepairable as you are finding out.
Although at times things might seem normal on the surface, he just can't and probably never will be able to erase this from his memory and will always be brought up at certain times.
Trust is one of the most important contributing factors that bind a relationship together, without trust, or once the trust barrier has been broken a relationship will invariably head towards a downward spiral.
He has pretty much adopted the single life attitude now where he is pretty much doing what he wants. He is going to go off to Ibiza where he could now potentially sleep with multiple women.
I think that unfortunately this relationship is over, i think it was over when you jumped into bed with someone else. This is where the relationship should of ended and you both walk away.
As a consequence now you are both enduring pain and heartache, and pretty much having a single life.
I think you should end this relationship and walk away, and let him go off to Ibiza with his mates a single guy.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (8 July 2021):
 Whether your boyfriend has forgiven you or not, he has certainly not forgotten, and he is making you pay for what you did. He was probably hurt a lot deeper than he admitted, and maybe even deeper than he realised.
A relationships is never the same after one of the parties cheat. The ones that survive entail a lot of work on both sides. The majority either fall apart or suffer like yours is doing.
To give you a clearer understanding of what is happening here, take a clean pristine sheet of paper and look at it. Now screw it up tightly in your hands, then smooth it out. Is it the same as it was? Of course not. It is full of "scars" and marks from the way it was treated. The same applies to your relationship. It will never be the same again.
As your boyfriend does not seem able to forget what you did (not his fault that he was hurt), you basically have two choices: keep putting up with being punished or know when you have messed up beyond repair, cut your losses and walk away. If you stay, he will continue punishing you until he meets someone who hasn't hurt him, then he will probably dump you as the ultimate revenge. Learn your lesson, take a deep breath and walk away. You have messed up. You have irreparably hurt the person you profess to love. Hopefully you will learn your lesson and never do that again to someone you love.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (8 July 2021):
 Am I fighting a losing battle?
No, you already lost the battle. The gorse is dead so stop beating it.
You have been taught a valuable lesson, that actions have consequences. YOU cheating = relationship ruined.
Things like cheating aren't just "sorted out". It sure isn't forgiven a few weeks later and it's NEVER forgotten.
You two live together so that does complicate matters. It might actually be WHY he came back to you.
"He’s said he’s forgiven me for cheating but it’s pretty clear from how he’s acting that he’s still feeling bitter about it and just wants to punish me."
He hasn't forgiven you. Forgiveness takes time and it takes maturity. Neither has happened.
He is punishing you because HE is hurting. He wants YOU to hurt too. A lad's holiday to Ibiza? with a gazillion almost nude chick who will glaky put out, plenty of drugs and alcohol? Yeah, he is planning on acting SINGLe on the holiday and screw as many girls as he can. THAT is my bet. And he will blame the cheating on you.
My advice? Sort out the living situation. If you rent and have a lease - find a way to legally break it and move out. Find a place YOU can afford on your own. Separate your items and finances ( if any of that is shared). End it and move on. Otherwise, you two are going to be in a cycle of hurting each other or rather. EVERY time he looks at you, he sees a cheater. Someone who didn't respect him or your relationship, someone selfish and weak. So he lashes out at you. (not saying what he is doing is right here) but that IS reality.
You can not just pretend the cheating never happened. That is not how it works. HE can not just pretend you didn't cheat either.
Your so-called "friend" with whom you cheated is NOT a friend. He is a piece of shit who has no respect for you, for your relationship, or even himself. A friend would have listened to you vent, not put the moves on you. Seriously, who does that?
Sorry, OP your relationship is over.
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