A
female
age
41-50,
*indrella
writes:I am feeling unappreciated and disrespected...I was friends with my bf 3yrs before we got together and we got a long from the start - had so much fun and he had liked me for a long time before we took the next step. I had two kids before this relationship and did not want any more but... He did!! and because I love him, I had a 3rd, I let him know at the beginning every detail of how hard it can be with kids and hormones when preg etc, I wanted him to know everything so he really was sure he wanted me and my ready made family as well as adding another one into the mix, well the first 6mths were great we had moved in straight away and had a lot of fun, after I was fully preg and had no money of my own coming in was when things started to change (he has his own business). I was not having sex enough for him (1-3 times a wk on average) and not doing enough around the house. I was tired a lot!!!! Baby's do that to you!!! He is a hard worker most of the time and thinks about money ALL the time. Now it just over 2yrs of being together and I'm at a loss what to do...He works way too much - but he wants to succeed.He looks at everything like its money, he tells me I don't make any money so I should be lucky he pays for everything (which I do appreciate) But he says its all his money and he can do what he wants with it and I am not allowed to touch it except for the weekly shopping, I have to ask for things if I need it and the answers usually no!! so I don't bother. When he does buy me something eg, recently a fridge because we only had a bar fridge with no freezer to feed a family of 5 out of - He keeps on telling me, "I got you this and this for you... I do this for you..." It feels horrible to hear that. I do so much for him but he doesn't appreciate it. I don't remind him what I do for him all the time-- only when he tells me what he does so much for me. He also tells me I am a shit mother, don't do enough around the house, I'm lazy and if I don't cook dinner for him I'm all sorts of names. I also have no time to myself and I am working so hard to manage this house and children and the bf but I am tried!!! I don't sit down and watch t.v or waste time. I have sore legs and feet at the end of every night - my sleeping is crap I wake up 5 times a night (don't know why) He told me last week he didn't respect me?? what have I done? Am I worth nothing??? The thing that had him say this "I think" was I hadn't told him that a child support payment came through from my older two children's father (we have nothing to do with them) but I wanted to buy the kids these bunks which I believe we needed because there room is way to small and crowed, they way it was - so I went and spent the money on that!! Boy did I get an ear full, he wanted the money to pay the bills with, but he had just brought himself another car for $11,500 and spent $1000 on one of his harley's so I thought we must be doing ok then. Now I think he may want me to leave with children and not be able to get half of our house we brought together even tho I did not contribute financially, I walk away with nothing!!! He thinks I'm a lier for not telling him about the money - what do I do????Don't get me wrong, I love him and he is a good person most of the time, who works hard and contributes well financially but that's IT!!! But I want the fun, love, happiness we once had BACK!!He talks about how we use to be and say's Ive changed for the worse - Yes I have!! but its only because he changed. Is there hope for us??? help!!!
View related questions:
money, moved in Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Entirely Unique  +, writes (22 March 2010):
 To me he sounds obsessive and controlling.
The money you got from your other children's father is a payment for those children, they needed beds and personally I think that's a good thing to spend that money on as it was money for those children and what those children needed.
He has money, he spends his life caring only about money so needing money from your children's money isn't about him needing it for anything its about you being able to control something instead of relying on him for it and that's what he doesn't like.
He's got you exactly where he wants you in this situation and he's munipulating you and the situation to suit himself and all the time you sit back and let it carry on you're allowing him to do so.
|
