A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi everyone im new to this posting stuff so bear with me, Basically around 2 weeks ago i split with with my guy over the fact he couldnt gt over his ex he always had to see her because of the child they have together, anyway he said we can still be mates, the thing is hes now back with his ex and that im not allowed to see him anymore as he cheated on her and basically he has to gain her trust again, But im still allowed to phone him when im on my lunch break,but not in the evenings as he will be with her and not every day. anyway yesterday he said hes really sorry about the way things have hapened and that he feels really bad about it, but he needs the relationship to work this time, he says theyre not together but spending time together to see how it goes, but what does he really mean by that? I think deep down i dont want it to work as i still really like him we where together nearly a year and maybe a chance we get back together, And yesterday i got a mate of mine to drive round her house with me as she has a different car which he would not notice please help with everything above i need help
View related questions:
get back together, his ex Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 October 2008): If you are the one he left his ex for then I can understand why the ex would not want you hanging around as the break up of their relationship in her eyes at least would be down to you not him (cruel but that is the way these things work).
As for not being together but spending time together well if by that he means they are not sexually intimate and maybe not living as a couple in the true sense of the word possibly learning to love and trust again visiting and being together socially around the child...then I can see where he is coming from.
The problem for you is that you are not the master of your own destiny, this guy has signalled very clearly his intention to make a go of it with his ex and their child and that leaves you at 'heartbreak hotel'
The offer of being mates is usually a signal that it is over, as it is a statement that any future contact will be a step down from what you had during the year you were together
What I would add is that you need to ask yourself what was your motive for covertly going around her house was it in the hope of seeing him or being seen by her...
You've really three options
Firstly you can keep after the guy in which case you risk alienating yourself from him and making a difficult situation messy. Indeed you may win him back but would the prize be worth the pain and suffering and crucially the child would still be there, a blood tie (blood as they say being thicker than water). in short this would be a fight in the end you could never win and you may just end up bitter and twisted.
Secondly you can sit, wait and hope that he comes back to you... which at this moment seems a forlorn hope for two reasons:
1. He not only seems determined to get back with his ex and their child and has placed limitations on what you can do
2. The bond between him and his ex has been strong as from what you say he doesn't seem to have ever forgotten her all the time he was with you.
Thirdly you can lament the break up of your relationship, remember the good times you shared but as being in the past and start again learning from the experience. yes it is painful and you have to readjust but it is the best course of action especially for someone like yourself who is still young free and single.
A
female
reader, hlskitten +, writes (21 October 2008):
 I'm sure this is the same question as yesterday. It means he is giving it anothr go with his ex. 'Seeing how it goes' is a way of letting you down gently.
If they have a child, leave them be to sort out their relationship. Theres a little one involved. If they can sort it out, its best for that child.
Sucks for you, but thats life. Children are paramount.
It would be crap being with someone that cant get over their ex anyway. You deserve to be someones number one. It would be soul destroying.
Good luck.
C xxxxx
...............................
|
