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age
36-40,
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writes: I'm 23 yrs old and have been having an affair with my much older marreid boss for 7 months. I first I told myself it was just sex and thought it ws fun and exciting but now Im in love with him. He is 42 and has twin son that are 3 yrs old and he has been marreid for 7 yrs. In the beginning I knew that it was just sex for him, maybe even a midlife crisis or soemthing. But now after 7 months and spending almost everyday together ( and not ever time we are together we have sex) make me believe it is more. He tells me he loves me all the time and that if it wasnt for his sons he would leave his wife . He keeps telling me that he will leave her and I truely believe him but many of my friends and co workers that have recently found out about our relationship have told me im a fool. Please help?
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 March 2009): Wow, your story gets worse. He just left his wife of --, and mother of his children to be with you. Marriage is hard, it takes compromise and commitment. But girls like you make it easy for men to leave their wives and families and take the easy road. Don't mean to be rude, but what is so special about you that he would leave his family? Have you ever heard of the 80/20 rule. Well, he's leaving his 80 and coming to the 20, but he will very soon realize that. Why would you want that kind of karma on your back. When it gets rocky with you guys, he'll find another young girl.. So sad.Wow, all the best to you.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 March 2009): "....his wife knows something is going on she questions him, yet she doesnt try to fit their relatioship" What do you expect the wife to do? She doesn't really know that he is having an affair/sleeping with you does she/ You are messing about in her marriage yet you blame her. I am sure he says "my wife doesn't uderstand me like you do, doesn't make me feel like you do". I take it that you will not leave him since you do not feel that you are doing anything wrong here. Blaming the wife will get you no where. Both you and him are in the wrong so at least have the decency of admitting that you are breaking a marriage/home. "...He cried and told me he didnt want to lose me and I just needed to give him a few weeks to get things in order (for his kids). " He cried, well he will be crying so very much more during the divorce when he looses everything. I bet he will also cry to her when she finds out about this affair. Crying is such a sign of weakness, it just makes the situation easier when you shed a few tears and expect the other person to forgive you. (it's called crocodile tears, my dear)I think you have made up your mind that you will continue to be his mistress/lover. Never mind that you will be screwing up people's lives here. No remorse, shame, on your side. I truely wish that your dreams come true. But ask people that have been in the same/similar situations, the lover almost always gets dumped. The sex may be great now with your "father figure" (42 year old man) becuase it is illicit, but when everyday life happens then what? Boring normal married life stuff? Well, I am guessing then that he would turn to another young somebody. Who understands him, who makes him feels good about himself, etc etc. And you will find yourself in his poor wife's shoes. Karma!And yes, you still remain the fool - not because you are having an affair, but because you choose not to do the right thing. A lot of people have given you invaluable insight but i think that as you posted your message you knew exactly what you were going to do. And you would not change. You have thought this through and you WILL CONTINUE TO BE THE OTHER WOMAN, Not becuase you have to, but because YOU WANT TO.It doesn't faze you, you relish in it. I know it's harsh words, but it's so TRUE. You are just justifying yourself.
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 March 2009): Well, if its only for "a few weeks to get things in order (for his kids)" then you can hold off doing anything more with him until he makes good. What's the harm right? Because if you're still sleeping with him within that time period, he has no real motivation to do anything other than he's been doing. And a "few weeks" will become "a few months" and then "a few more years."
If he doesn't do anything by that time, then you'll know he was never serious about leaving her. And that he only saw you as a piece of tail he could get at the office.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 March 2009): Hi, just wondering whether you have made a decision to continue with the affair. I initially did not want to respond to this but here is my take on this situation:I am certain your boss man is very happy that he has a PA and a lover all rolled into one. How are you coping with the friends and colleagues finding out? Do they see you as having preferential treatment with the boss? What has happened to professional courtesy? Surely you must feel humiliated or don't you care any more? If the wife is sooooooooo bad why not just dump her, and move on with you. After all you are just his bit on the side- firstly he is using company premises to indulge in his pass time ( i could be crude but am choosing not to), you do not cost anything (a prostitute would charge him for the sexual favours but you are doing just fine in that department), you are stroking his ego (mid life crises???), you are not complaining about him going home to his wife, are you? He has it all on his plate and he is enjoying it. I know that you are hopeful that he will leave his wife. Does that mean that he will shack up with you, or may just enjoy being free again to pursue other avenues.Please re think this affair. You are only going to be hurt. I am certain the friend and work colleagues are thinking that you are a slut/ home wrecker. Surely your character/ good name is worth something here. You do not want to be known as the work slut who gets away with everything just by lying on her back (indulging in extra curricular activities). I believe that you are smart; you can give him up if you want to. If someone rats you out to the wife and they start divorce proceedings, do you want to be known as the other woman implicated here? If he does choose you in the end (and boy is it going to be a long drawn out affair) do you play nice step mommy to his twins? What about your life. This man has lived a full life thus far, you still have so much to learn and live for. Why are you wasting your precious time and life with him. He may be doing it with you but be warned he may just be doing it to you later on. Once a cheater always a cheater and his character has proven that he is not honorable. You will only realise this when he messes with you in the future. Then perhaps with the shoe on the other foot you would begin to know how it feels to be the wronged party. This man is 19 years older than you. He may thnk that he has hit the jackpot with someone so young. Please keep your dignity and integrity intact from now on. And please, if you continue with the affair, do so away from the business premises.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 March 2009): I hate to tell you but as someone who did as you are doing, you are being used to boost his ego and his sex life. If he has to take so long to make his mind up does that not tell you something.You are a young lady find someone who is not commited and can offer you a real future not based on hurt and lies.He will string you along until the heat is turned on or his wife finds out and you will be in hot water. He is your boss he will always walk away free from you and you will loose everything and more. Tell him to take a hike and at least you can walk away with diginity, if you wait for him to make all the right decisions then he will just keep coming back for more and more, that is not love or respect it's called a married man having an affair and getting a bit on the side.
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female
reader, bttrcpbrklyn1314  +, writes (10 March 2009):
 He will never leave his wife and he doesn't love you. They have TWO babies. Do you know how much child support and alimony he will have to pay just to be with you??? This relationship is not healthy at all. You're better off with a younger, single guy if you just want to have a good time.
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female
reader, kaylagal +, writes (10 March 2009):
 Yes, you are a fool. He is old enough to be your father, he's married and he's your boss. Pliz don't tell us that he does you in the office sometimes. He is the luckiest man coz you're half his age and he's your boss , and then he is married. Even if you think he loves you and will leave his wife. What makes you think that a couple years down the road, he won't do the same thing to you. What goes around comes around so PLIZ do the right thing. You are young and deserve to be with your own man, who is your own age and who will be true to you. Pliz do the right thing.
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 March 2009): i think you know your self your being used if he really wanted to be with you he would of left his wife by now but the truth of the matter is really he just wants to have is cake and eat it and your letting him
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male
reader, DoubleM +, writes (10 March 2009):
 Truth is, you are a fool. It is not my intent to be disrespectful toward you, but this kind of scenario is going on all the time. Unfaithful married man wants extra sex, so convinces a woman that he loves her and will leave his wife, but rarely is that the intent, purpose or reality. When you eventually give up, he will just find another. He should not have a wife and family, and is the male version of slut. The age difference doesn't matter, but you are simply a mistress.
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female
reader, jessica04 +, writes (10 March 2009):
 Talk is cheap. If he really was committed to you, he would have left by now or started the process. End the affair and see what happens.
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