A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I've been with my girlfriend for nearly a year and a half. We live together. We haven't had sex in over 8 months. The sexual relationship never seemed quite right to me, her body language always made it seem like it wasn't something she wanted to be doing. We talked about it toward the beginning of the relationship, she said it was something she needed to "push through" and that it wasn't me, and there was nothing that I could do.Although when we'd talk about it, she'd say that I need to be more aggressive. She'd say that foreplay isn't something that she wants, and it's a huge turn-off to her. She wants to go directly to intercourse, she says it's the only thing that "does anything for her." She says that I'm awkward (true) and that it's a massive turn off, I need to stop doing it. I have tried being more aggressive, but it's difficult, when her responses make it seem like she doesn't want to have anything to do with me, physically. Eventually, I stopped initiating. There's now an unspoken tension between us. We are able to show normal physical intimacy (being close, a kiss, holding each other) but nothing sexual in nature. How can we move forward from here? I'd like to talk about it, but I don't even know how to approach it now, without it becoming a laundry list of reasons that it's my fault. She does not like to discuss sex. How can I open the lines of communication on this subject?
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male
reader, Myau  +, writes (19 February 2011):
 It seems you are giving up.Dont, if your relationship is going to work, your going to have to discuss this. You know there are some people who just aren't sexual. Frankly, we place far too much importance on it anyway. How is the rest of your relationship?
A
female
reader, BeautifulCapricorn +, writes (19 February 2011):
Maybe there is something in her past, like sexual abuse ... that is what it sounds like to me anyways.
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