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There's no spontaneous affection from him

Tagged as: Faded love, Sex, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (1 October 2014) 2 Answers - (Newest, 1 October 2014)
A female United States age 30-35, anonymous writes:

My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost two years and we live together. We used to have sex not all the time but 5 to 6 times a month or more. But here recently we haven't at all. We used to sleep naked and now he doesn't at all. He uses his hand more then we have sex and he's 22. And today when I got home I found a condom that had been used and I was really upset because the first thing that came to my mind is he's cheating. Well I asked him and he said he used to jack off. Its really starting to frustrate me and make me very uncomfortable with even being with him because I feel like he's not attracted to me at all anymore. I don't get cuddling from him, kisses and hugs are a no unless I ask. And we never say I love you anymore and now no sex. I know that sex isn't everything in a relationship but he's never acted this way. And me being 21 I have never master bated before I don't feel right doing it. Any clue on what's going on with him?

View related questions: condom, I love you

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A reader, anonymous, writes (1 October 2014):

He has reached his expiration-date and lost his potency; and has now become a roommate.

Have a talk and find-out if he wants to break-up and start seeing other people. Masturbation doesn't zap people of the need for affection. You still want to kiss, cuddle, and hold hands. He would still a need to have real-sex; unless he's bored with it.

You didn't have that much sex to begin with; which leads me to believe you rushed into this relationship. Sex 5 or 6 times a month? That sounds like two married-people in their late 50's! You've been together two years? I'd say he's tired of sex with the same person.

If he's showing very little physical or romantic-attraction for you; or it's gone altogether, you can't exclusively blame masturbation. It's likely your relationship has run its course. All relationships don't last long-term. I'd say he's not that into you anymore. Sticking with someone you know is better than finding another place to live, or looking for a new roommate.

You shouldn't waste your time trying to figure it out. Kick him to the curb, or move out.

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A male reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (1 October 2014):

olderthandirt agony auntI bet it's just a slow-down phase. What's more problematic is your self denial to pleasure yourself, that is a bit more troubling than his behavior.

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