A
male
age
41-50,
*aralyzed
writes:I had a moment of weakness this past weekend. My ex gf that I broke up with the week before (for abusing me) phoned me at 3am. I was just about to leave to go home from a club. I had lost my friends in the crowd and was ready to jump in a cab and call it a night. I answered. We met up. Hopped in a cab together. On the way home she was sweet, until we arrived at my place. Then the questions started. Where was I? Who was I with? Then the verbal abuse started. She told me I wasn't generous, and that I was cheap. Accused me of practically living with her and using her hot water. I told her to get out but she wouldn't. The backstory on this is, she bought a house she couldn't really afford. I have my own apartment. She would get upset if I ever slept home. She wanted me there all the time. Insisted I wash my clothes and shower there. Never wanted to spend time at my place. What she said really sunk in. The next day I felt so bad about myself. I am starting to really hate myself. I can't live without her and I can't live with her. I know I'm being used and abused. She cannot control her anger. I actually think she hates me and just can't find anyone else yet. When she does I will be history. Until then she will abuse me and destroy whatever self confidence I have left. Last night she wanted me to come to her house to watch tv. I went and planned on having the talk with her about what happened the night before. She greeted me with loving kisses as soon as I walked in. Once I had the nerve I told her that we had to talk about the previous night. I plan on having that conversation with her this evening. I'm not sure what my question is, or if i even have one. How about this? Should I go to a Phsycologist, or a phsyciatrist? Because I know I'm the one that needs help. There is no hope for her, but maybe there is for me.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 April 2009): my ex wasnt verbally abusive or anything but when he broke up with me over family issues it hurt me so much...to the point where i couldnt function for 8 months. we tried to stay friends and alot of the things he suddenly felt the need to tell me hurt me so badly. i felt so horrible about myself and i kept thinking maybe i should change for him and all these irrational thoughts. i havent had a good nights sleep in a long time.
one day i woke up and looked in the mirror and realized that as much as i still love him, im still hurting too badly to help myself. i love him but i need to love myself too. so for the last couple of months or so ive been seeing a psychologist and talking to someone helped me a little. the depression is still there so im going to a psychiatrist soon and i might try medication for a while. it took me getting to such a bad place in my life to admit that i needed help and while medication isnt something im too happy about, at least im taking the steps to do whatever i can to get myself better and stronger.
everyone heals differently. counciling isnt for everybody but you wont know unless you try it. the first step is admitting you need the help and loving yourself enough to reach out and get support. i think talking to someone cant hurt, and if you feel you need outside perspective to heal yourself then you should make an appointment asap. hope this helped a little. let me know what you decide xoxo
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