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There's a gulf between us... my husband oggles women, pleases himself and we rarely have sex!

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Question - (4 July 2007) 3 Answers - (Newest, 7 July 2007)
A female United Kingdom age , anonymous writes:

Please can anyone help and if you have experience of this youself then what was the outcome. My husband continues to masturbate behind my back it is really doing my head in, especially as we rarely have sex, this is the reason why but I cannot get to the bottom of why he prefers to do this than be with a real woman, me, yes we have been together a number of years, but I have always been up for trying new things but he is just not interested in anything I try to do to spice things up. I have noticed he oggles at other women, yes I know all men look, but he doesn't just glance he oggles, is this a sign he is trying to tell me our marriage is over? we have talked in the past and he says he will try to improve our sexlife then goes on to do nothing about it at all. In bed he will give me a cuddle then he turns his back on me and stays there all night, when before he used to turn over and reach out for me to pull me nearer to him, now it is like a gulf between us, any ideas anyone.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (7 July 2007):

Been there, done that. I have determined that the problem isn't me, it's him. Could be the same with your marriage. My husband is a shallow pathetic idiot who cannot get off on a woman if she knows him well. Why you ask? Because he has so many insecurities inside himself that he is afraid of intimacy with someone who knows him. My husband also suffers from a severe case of irresponsibility. He hates if anyone (his parents, brothers, even his children) tell him he might just be wrong about at least one thing he is doing. He gets angry when his selfishness gets caught up by someone close to his and instantly distances himself when confronted about even the smallest issue. Sad, but true. I so hope this isn't the case for you. If so, divorce is the only answer.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (5 July 2007):

Hi love,

You need to sit down and have a proper talk, This is upsetting as i understand it would make you feel undesirable and very hurt, I think you should go to a marriage counsellor and ask your husband to try and work on this with you, Your health is at risk here as you will be focused on this and get very depressed, if your not already. He needs to talk with you not just brush this under the carpet, for the sake of your marriage. You have to get him to listen at how this is affecting you hun, I hope you can work something out lots of love and luck MANDY XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

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A male reader, Danielepew Mexico +, writes (5 July 2007):

Danielepew agony auntI guess there is a problem in the relationship, not just in the sex. I'm not sure the marriage is over. However, the fact things are not improving seems a bad sign to me. Maybe you should talk to him again and try to get him to commit.

Now, whether the marriage is over or not, I do think you're in real pain, and he should do something about it.

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