A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:hello, i have been with my boyfriend for nearly five years now an we have had it very hard. he was married before before but wasnt getting on with his wife. he also still lives in the same house with his wife STILL). i have had numerous rows with him about this. thats the background of it all. i soon met the other family members and one in particular his brother who seemed to be really nice to me at the time. i soon noticed he was flirting with me an asked me was i on fb. i said yes and later that day he sent a request for me to be his friend so i accepted. a few weeks went on and soon he started chatting to me also he started to be a flirt and was always slagging me about stuff. by the way this guy is married an i didnt know him very well so i just left it an stopped talking or anytime i was online i would say i had to go. then one night i got thick with my boyfriend because he had a row with me and he said he was going home to his wife an getting back with her and said he was never splitting up with her. so i went out to the pub really annoyed where his brother was doing a show and just to be bad and put the whole flirting thing to rest i asked him out to see what he'd say. he did say yes but i didnt let anything happen next day i told my boyfriend what i had done an said an i apologised to his brother an said i was talking shit and just was drunk.shortly after the brother was very nice to me an i started to have feelings for him. i didnt love him i just fancied him. and soon things got worse my boyfriend found msgs on my phone saying i missed him which i did but i didnt want the brother and i wanted the feeling s to go away but they didnt. then my boyfriend got really angry about it and rang him and said to stop flirting with me. he denied it and said i was flirting with him. now the brother has told the whole family and they all hate me except my boyfriend but he says he cant handle what happened an he cant forget about it and that his whole family think he was made a fool out of.also i did not want to go out with his brother and i never touched him and i wanted to be with my boyfriend but now it seem s we just keep fighting an now he is helping his alcoholic wife and maybe i think he has feelings for her and this make me feel really hurt. How can we solve this and we cant talk to the whole family casue it will make thing s worse if they know i had feelings and my boyfriend wants me to tell them the truth pls help i want to be able to have a good relationship wit my boyfriend.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 May 2011): The solution to this is very simple.
End your relationship with your married boyfriend. He isn't leaving his wife any time soon. Time has already proven that. Sever ties with him and his family. Move on.
Making a big commitment to a man who is committed elsewhere, fighting with him, using his brother to get back at him, apologizing and being at odds with his family is a very complicated, choatic way to live.
Instead of doing what FEELS good at the moment, do what IS good for your long term happiness and wellbeing.
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