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female
,
anonymous
writes: I'm 21 and have been going out with my boyfriend for almost 3 years. I am happy with my relationship. But then there is this guy - I have known him from back at school when I had a serious crush on him. We have kept in touch over the 3 years and we see each other like once a year. He tells me that he has feelings for me since school and still likes me now, but because I have a boyfriend, both me and him wouldn't take it any further. We are like best friends.Now, we live much closer together, and the last time I visited him we couldn't keep our hands to ourselves. Nothing happened - we just held hands, kissed each other (anywhere but the mouth), hugged, slept on the same bed, play-fight on the bed etc... I think I do like him, because he was like my first major crush. But we are quite different in personality - we like different things and I think the attraction could be just lust or physical...Does this mean my relationship with my current boyfriend is not 'pure'? I feel like I am almost cheating on him with this other guy? What should I do? I think leaving my current boyfriend will be just stupid because I do love him a lot, but sometimes (and I feel ashamed to have thought this) I think I need to get with this other guy just to get the sexual tension out of the way.Thanks for your help, anything will be appreciated,Confused and Ashamed.
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male
reader, eddie  +, writes (7 November 2006):
 You ARE cheating on your boyfriend. Since when does sleeping in the same bed, wrestling, kissing, holding hands etc. constitute appropriate behaviour for somebody in a relationship. What did your boyfriend say when you told him about it......I bet you didn't tell him. That's because you know it's wrong. AS prviously mentioned by another aunt, feelings are natural. Actions are intentional.
A
female
reader, bonym  +, writes (6 November 2006):
 Why exactly are you ashamed at something you cant control? You cant control how you feel but you CAN control how you act. Its normal to have sexual feelings for other people even if you are with someone else, but the problem is when you act on those feelings, dont allow yourself to entertain the idea of cheating on your fella and do everything in your power to eradicate the thoughts, but as I say, we dont switch on our feelings, so we cant switch them off either but as I say, dont act on them, only then is it wrong. Yes lusting after someone and thinking in your heart about cheating on someone is wrong, just please dont make sure you do it. Dont let lust ruin what is genuine, we all lust after someone and lust can lead to wicked acts and you dont want that. Take care. xXx
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 November 2006): You say you think leaving your boyfriend would be stupid because you do love him a lot, but wonder whether to have sex with this other man to get the tension out of the way.
If you do sleep with the "new" man, it sounds as though you think it would be purely physical. If that is so, then it won't last very long. Then where will you be? Your boyfriend will be upset and angry because you broke his trust; the "affair" will have faded, and what will you be left with?
IF and it seems like a very big "if" you think you could have a rewarding relationship with this old friend, then that's something to think about. If not, then you need to consider that, too.
Another way to reduce the sexual tension would be to stop any further contact with your "best friend." As things stand now, visiting him and sleeping and play-fighting on the bed, you're just asking for trouble.
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