A
male
age
30-35,
*ackojacko
writes:A few weeks ago I was at a party and drank alittle to much. There was this girl who was also a little drunk and shamelessly flirting with me and we ended up in one of the bedrooms and she was giving me head when some guy walked in. He laughed called to his body to come see us and told the girl she didnt have to stop just because he was there. With in minutes there were like a dozen people in the room and they were cheering me on and I ended up having sex with her. I know there were at least half a dozen cell phones taping it. When it was over a got a few high fives and went back to the party but now I feel lik complete ass. There is a sex tape of me out there and not just any sex tape a freakin party , public tape. I dont know what to do. I feel like everyone is talking about me and I know I was a jerk to do that to her.
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female
reader, tennisstar88  +, writes (25 February 2012):
 Erm, instead of being worried about the girl's feelings...I'd be more worried about your sex tape surfacing on youtube and future employers seeing it.
A
female
reader, Dear Mandy  +, writes (24 February 2012):
 HI again lol
look you were both obviously over the drink limit, and so what, we all have been there at some point, some more than others.....dont beat yourself up over this. Put it down to experience, believe it or not ONE DAY you WILL laugh about this, and so will she. At the moment its still raw, so avoiding eachother is probably best. forget it now, everyone else will soon, it will be something else next week in their eyes. Just get on with your normal dau to dau activities, it WILL pass.
Mandy x
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A
female
reader, Miamine +, writes (24 February 2012):
 No jackojacko, find out how to contact her and privately make sure she's ok. As the aunts have explained she has a lot more to lose in this situation than you do. A kind word would be nice. Being willing to be seen with her in public would do a lot to offset a lot of the damage that may occur. She's not only in a difficult position, she might be in danger from men who think that she now doesn't have the right to say no and turn down sex.
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A
male
reader, jackojacko +, writes (24 February 2012):
jackojacko is verified as being by the original poster of the questionits not like I was trying to be a jerk when I bumped into the girl but I had no idea what to say. Was I suppose to walk up to her and say "hi, I'm Jack the guy that you fucked at that party a few weeks ago. So whats your name?' What do you say to someone that you made a sex tape with because you were drunk.
And to the poster who said I have a driking problem, I dont so no worries there.
and for the record I dont disrespect girls. I am usually the sweet guy that gets run over by girls.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (24 February 2012):
 Your crush isn't going to date you, not because you made a sex tape, but because of the way you treated the girl you had sex with. You bumped into her and you turned and walked away? You snubbed her? Not the sign of a nice guy.
The other reason she won't date you is because you get so drunk you lose control of your judgement.
Address those issues first, all those videos of you having sex are a result of your alcohol intake. There's a clear message to yourself in this whole thing: GET HELP.
1. Talk to someone about your drinking problem.
2. Behave like a courteous person to the girl with whom you had sex. Apologize for snubbing her and don't behave like an ostrich. You did this and you will have to take the consequences.
If you are not happy with your behavior and its consequences, work on why you did what you did and make sure that you never put yourself in those circumstances again.
Man up, apologize, get help. If you act with integrity now, you will feel like less of an ass.
Good luck.
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (24 February 2012):
 YOU didn't do anything to her, the people at the party are the jerks, not you. If it makes you feel better you can apologize, but this wasn't something you did to her. As for your reputation, no one will care soon enough. They'll just think that you got drunk at a party and got a bj. As for her though, I'd imagine she's struggling with it and will for a long time. People like to call women sluts a lot. This EXACT situation happened to one of my friends (a girl was videotaped giving a guy a bj). The guy actually wound up getting a lot of positive attention and was more popular after, the girl had to switch schools and was bullied and harassed.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (24 February 2012):
 I would talk to the girl, make sure that she knows you aren't behind the tape and that you are as mortified as she is. Them let it go and next time to drink at a party... try and think :) Either lock the darn door or take her home.
Shit happens.
Give it another month or two and there will be other drama out there for people to giggle over. Your sex tape will be forgotten.
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A
female
reader, Dear Mandy +, writes (24 February 2012):
HI
how awful for the both of you, but that said what's done is done, there's no turning back. If the girl wants nothing to do with you now its through total and utter embarrassment. You could right her a letter af a way of an apology BUT it will just keep what happened alive in her mind. I would just try to put it behind you now. Maybe next time you party dont drink!!! just dance :)
Mandy x
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A
female
reader, Miamine +, writes (24 February 2012):
It's a possibility Jackojacko, that's the problem with life, such things have consequences. Explain to the new girl if you want to date her. Possibility exists that she might already know if everybody is sharing the party video. She might not care (I would) she might be understanding (I wouldn't) who knows, it's still worth a try.
This can't be fixed, it can only be accepted. Continue your life as if it didn't happen, you can't change the past, so what else can you do.
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A
male
reader, eek +, writes (24 February 2012):
 dont worry about it. Your not the only one that this has ever happened to. People will soon forget.
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A
male
reader, jackojacko +, writes (24 February 2012):
jackojacko is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI havent really talked to anyone at the party since, a friend of my roommates said someone sent him the video but I didnt ask to see it. As for the girl, I bumped into her a few days ago but said nothing and turn and went in the opposite direction.
There is this girl that I really like but she is shy and sweet and completly innocent she would NEVER put herself in a situation like this. We were just starting to hang out and I am afraid if she finds out she wont even comsidering dating me.
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A
male
reader, Myau  +, writes (24 February 2012):
 Apologise to her if it would make you feel better.
Don't worry, you will live it down
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A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (24 February 2012):
 If it was a mutual, consenting act, then that doesn't make you a jerk.
A wonder lasts nine days, sure you will be the topic of discussion for a while and then someone new will replace you. You cant do anything anyway, the damage is done, you cant wipe off all proof of it from the planet, you just have to live with it. Learn that it was a bad mistake, this is what alcohol does to you and henceforth, dont drink and turn into a complete idiot. Its going to be harder for the girl because unfortunately society is kinder towards men, she's the one who's going to be labelled as a you-know-what, while you'll just be "that guy" whom she did it with.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 February 2012): Why do you care OP? She was a mutual consenting participant in this so don't worry about her and as far as having a party sex tape out there again, why do you care? You got laid and now you have video evidence that you did.
Guys will think it's hilarious and cool, and girls will feel sorry for you when you tell how embarrassing a mistake it was. No big deal.
No one is looking at you in the video anyway OP.
Just be glad you're not her, she will have a much harder time of this than you. Because guys will want to see it to see her get boned this isn't the sort of thing girls are going to go out of their way to see you naked, you're just some guy in the video.
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A
female
reader, Miamine +, writes (24 February 2012):
Jackojacko,
You do know you can't recover them tapes, and it's unlikely that people will ever delete such a show. Unfortunately that's the penalties of our modern technology, now everyone has a movie camera in their hand. You could track down the person who threw the party and ask for a guest list. But, guests have friends, and even if they say they deleted their copy, how could you trust and how could you tell. It's likely to go viral, from person to person who wasn't even there, and then get uploaded to the internet. Free unscripted sex shows like that, yep, it will get shared, and because computers keep everything, it will be around for the rest of your life, and even after that, when you are dead and buried and leave great-grandchildren, they can still recover and find it. And you don't even have a bloody copy. See if you can find a friend who took a clip, so you can see how bad it is. You should probably declare this to any new girlfriend you meet in future, just in case it turns up one day and she has questions.
Ah well, such is life. I'm worried about the girl, can you get hold of her and reassure her about everything and tell her you feel upset about the whole thing as well.
INSERT HERE: USELESS LECTURE ABOUT DRINKING AND SEX: LECTURE OVER.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 February 2012): Sorry but I laughed, I know its wrong but you know these things do happen. Too much drink is a terrible thing and we all do stuff we wouldn't when sober
Its the girl who will get the most embarassed, she will be the one people think badly of, thats just how it is.It was wrong to continue when you had an audience, especially when they were filming the whole thing.But now your sober,you know it.
I don't know what you can do, you cant stop it being 'out there' for all to see. Damage is done. I would learn from it though, also learn to treat girls with alot more respect,try saying NO if your in this situation again.Keep a low profile for a while too.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 February 2012): I think you should find the girl and talk to her about it. Your punishment for being foolish once will be a long-lasting one though. But, the redeeming factor here is that you at least know you did something stupid. Life is all a learning experience, and sometimes we have to screw up big time to learn a lesson. Your life isn't going to be worse than anyone else's- it is what you make it.
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