A
female
age
18-21,
anonymous
writes:I thought I befriended a female coworker. I am also female and we work in a school. I admired her because we were similar in age, family background, and she is in a position I hope to eventually be in. I initially did not like her but then liked her as a friend and developed a crush on her.I got to know her a bit and we would text often after work discussing various issues some aspects personal regarding dating etc but never hung out or admitted feelings per say as in I am not sure if she is straight etc and I didn't share with her I was. From time I would get her office treats or lunch which she seemed to accept.Fast forward several months and I am called into the office and basically the supervisor to keep this story short said the friend/coworker who is a manager feels uncomfortable with me giving her gifts and that it needs to stop. Granted, the last gift was some coffee and donuts she shared with me in my office and laughed. I was also told that there were rumors I was trying to woo and date her. I am not sure how all this got out. I can see how some at work would interpret my actions such as trying to dress nice, gifts, and maybe how I talk about her as a way that I like her even though I never admitted it to anyone. My supervisor expressed how my coworker/friend wants to move up and do her job and wants the rumors to stop and to just keep it professional. She said she knows I didn't mean anything about it and people are probably in part gossiping because they are bored and we are both single, and she said I'm good at my job. I did let my supervisor for my department know to keep her in the loop.It probably wasn't the best but I tried to reach out to the coworker friend as I have always told her I am interested in friendship but she said she needed a break from all of this and would possibly talk to me later. I am shocked by all of this and wish and wonder why she didn't tell me or where it is coming from. I think that the coworker/friend is a lesbian and used the rumors as a way to cover it up and used me to possibly deflect attention away from her. Do you agree? Due to our job there will be a few times we will have to work together plus we will see each other on a daily basis. My question is also if I should resign? I am embarrassed but I need this income. I am under contract as it is a position at a school so I am guaranteed income until the end of the school year. It's silly but I also feel there is some sort of misunderstanding and that in time we can possibly be friends again. I assume it was a worker in my own department and even office that told these things and spread rumors/gossip so now I am also on eggshells and do not feel I can trust anyone. I will definitely be extra careful with what I share and say!
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (4 December 2023):
 Let me put it this way, IF you had been a man this would have been a HUGE deal, you might even have gotten fired.
But you are not, so you got a "warning" instead.
You need to leave this woman ALONE.
when you write:" I initially did not like her but then liked her as a friend and developed a crush on her."
So you WERE having a crush on her of some sort and others saw your behavior as you trying to "court" or "hit" on her and SHE saw it too but instead of being an adult and telling you to STOP, she we to her boss and had HIM tell you to stop.
Regardless, SHE IS NOT INTERESTED in you, or friendship with you.
YOU are a coworker only. (to her).
So BE respectful, be professional and keep your "crushes" out of the work place.
"It's silly but I also feel there is some sort of misunderstanding and that in time we can possibly be friends again."
NO just no... LEAVE her alone. HOW would you feel if some guy you were not interested in (not even friendship) "chased" you this hard?
You can't MAKE someone want to be your friend. you can BUY friends with little gifts and coffee.
Even if you say you "just" wanted to be "friends" she CLEARLY isn't interested. Respect that.
Should you quit? Nah. Just reel yourself in here.
BE PROFESSIONAL.
If it becomes too uncomfortable for you to work there, LOOK for a new job FIRST, then "resign" when your contract it over.
Accept that she wasn't looking for a friend.
And in the future keep your private life out of the work place. If you make an ACTUAL friend at work, TALK private matters outside of work.
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