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male
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*admanasaurusRex
writes: I've been single for a couple of years and wasn't thinking much about dating.Now I have 2 women that are interested in me and both "relationships" are about at the same place.Woman 1 is at work, she is tall and thin and beautiful. She is Indian (India) from Trinidad, lots of physical appeal. She however doesn't seem terrible emotionally/intellectually stable but we have a lot in common. - We've had great lunch dates at work so farWoman 2 is a waitress at my local bar. I hit on her about 1.5 years ago to no avail but when she started working there again and I tried again she was receptive this time. This woman is a large girl but very pretty and 1/2 native american (I have a thing for native/half native women). She seems quite down-to-earth but may have body issues (though I like/accept most any bodyshape personally) - She came (with her cousin) to my recent birhtday House Party and had a great time. I then had a really good dinner date with her the following Sunday which was great and we kissed goodnight.I'm thinking of continuing with both until 1 appears to outshine the other significanly enough to decide. I do NOT want to "play" either girl but I want to make sure I choose the right one.Any suggestions?ThanksTorn
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 August 2006): Well not all women are comfortable and share your perspective of "playing the field".
Kissing is an act of intamacy and it may be that the woman you kissed and have a histroy of making known your intentions with her may already believe that you are dating and committed.
Just be aware of your action and what interpretations that might be happening.
I still say being honest with both women and deciding what you want will solve this uncertainty.
I can tell you that if I ever found out that a man has expressed intrest in me and kissed me and then kissed some other woman; I would view this as being dishonest and misleading.
Just be accountable for all you say and do and do no harm.
A
female
reader, shibbydms121 +, writes (9 August 2006):
 you should not play them cause it will turn out a big mess so just pick one and the other girl will get over it trust it happenrd 2 one of my friends just trust me on this one
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A
male
reader, MadmanasaurusRex +, writes (9 August 2006):
MadmanasaurusRex is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for your advise. I did't really expect that answer from a female writer...but I tend to agree with you. Rest assured, as I said to the stricter advise giver, I will surely not sleep with either until I've decided...I guess that could also decide it itself i.e. if I sleep with one I have chosen.
I'm 43 (just turned) and just bought my first house 2 years ago and have had my focus on that the past few years...this 2 girl thing is out-of-the-blue and definately exciting (but my intentions are, and always are honourable)
Woman 1 is 32 and Woman 2 is 34 so both are on the favourable side of the acceptable 30ish-50ish range.
Thanks again EyesWideOpen
MadmanasaurusRex
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A
male
reader, MadmanasaurusRex +, writes (9 August 2006):
MadmanasaurusRex is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you kindly for your wisdom. I see that you give a lot of advise and it seems mostly sound.
Rest assured I will not sleep with either woman until I have decided. With the current leader...the big pretty girl, I attempted to kiss her when she left my party and she offered her Cheek so I kissed it and thought that was reasonable and postive. After our dinner date she let me kiss her on the lips as she was getting into the cab and there was no tongue but I suspect that if time permitted she would have allowed it...also a positive. She has since emailed me and called me and is eager to go to a movie with me. I've liked her for a while and she is giving me the GO sign so it's probably going to be her. The only thing that I don't quite agree with is "I kissed her so I chose a mate" - I would like to kiss them both once to see if the chemistry works better with one or the other. But you were ABSOLUTELY right on when you said "why don't you tell them of your plan...no? Why not?" - That was a pretty poignent agrument!
Thanks again.
MadmanasaurusRex
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (9 August 2006):
 Well I think you CAN date both as long as you don't make any false promises to either of them. I don't think it's "two-timing" it's playing the field. You can have lots of fun and get to know them both better. If you behave in a forthright manner with honor and integrity toward both of them, what's the harm? Good luck!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 August 2006): Two timing is not a good idea. Even if you think this is acceptable behaviour...to date two women...I can assure you that they will not feel the same way.
To say that you are intrested in some woman who is physically appealing but you already figure that she is not on common ground when it comes to emotionally/intelectually arena should raise the flags Dude.
No...she isn't the one. Forget the appeal of beauty...it will fade as you continue the "dating by selection" process.
You kissed goodnight...you already have chosen mate.
Stop making this more complicated then it needs to be.
One already outshines the other.
It is dishonest to date both women. I suggest telling them of your plan...no? Why not?
Then that therein is your answer...you know it yourself.
You would be playing both girls if you secretly date both women.
Be honest and decent and chose one and forget the other.
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A
female
reader, xcherryx  +, writes (9 August 2006):
 i Really dont think you should be with any girl unless u no for sure their the right girl. if you do decide to go out with both girls theyll end up finding out and youl end up on your own. i no you dont want to 'play' them but it will look like thats what your doing. to find out who u prefer u shud get to know them more on a friendship terms. then you'll know. good luck .
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