A
male
 ,
anonymous
writes:I know that a lot of women are uncomfortable about their partner looking at porn, but is men reading sex stories just as bad?
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female
reader, willywombat +, writes (10 August 2006):
 Switch off their brains so they dont think about ANYTHING!! Then you will be safe.....
*laughs sarcastically*
A
male
reader, Yos  +, writes (10 August 2006):
 I think they are very different.
Porn has various well known problems. The two ones relevant here are:
- I believe on a subconscious level we don't really differentiate between reality and photos / video. On a low level, when looking at porn, we are responding to the images as if they were real. This (in my opinion) contributes to the problems around porn making people feel more distant and less connected to each other. Part of you is connecting with the people in the pictures, and subsequently disconnecting from your partner. It's 'infidelity-lite'.
Reading on the other hand forces us to use our imagination. We don't respond to conjoured images in our mind the same way we do to printed images. We 'know' on a deep level that they are not real, and so they do not cause the same issues. In a way, the people we imagine when we read can be 'faceless' in a way that visual porn is not.
I'm not saying fantasies can't cause problems. Fantasising can cause rifts in a relationship, but I think this is a different issue.
- Porn actors and actresses are generally screwed up individuals. Whilst many are in porn 'voluntarily' the vast majority would usually prefer to do something else if it paid as well. Most porn 'stars' seem to come out with stories of childhood abuse and tend to have very screwed up ideas about sex. Reading interviews with them, very few appear to have a 'healthy' attitude towards sex. Most seem to be escaping into porn to cover some void in their lives or as a reaction to some kind of trauma or childhood problems.
Basically, the porn industry preys on these individuals. Your consuming porn supports this industry, in the same way as your buying a product produced by child labour in Indonesia supports unfair-trade practices.
Reading sex stories is different. No one has to be taken advantage of or demeaned to produce it. No fathers disown daughters. No husbands or wives have to cope with their partners pasts as porn actors. No actors, later in life, need to grapple with what they did. No one is 'hurt' in the production of sex stories.
For these two reasons I suggest that visual porn is worse than written. My personal opinion is that visual porn is in almost all cases a bad thing, whereas written porn (or 'erotica') can be in many cases a good thing.
Try reading erotica out loud to your partner to see what I mean ;)
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 August 2006): yes, yes it is.
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A
female
reader, justice +, writes (9 August 2006):
yeah its just like reading porn so stop it before she stop you meaning drop you completely son!
--------------smooches-----------
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 August 2006): That you have to ask tells me you are wanting approval and that lies within you and how your partner would think and feel.
To be honest, erotic sex stories are just as bad as porn as they elicit the same feelings.
If you know your partner would be unhappy with your reading graphic novels or adult magazines...then don't do it.
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A
female
reader, bonym +, writes (9 August 2006):
 I think it depends on the individual really, it depends on how rauncy the story I guess, but in my view (and its MY view) perhaps its the same in that you look at porn for some pleasure and you read sex stories for fun and pleasure too. xXx
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A
female
reader, anon2907  +, writes (9 August 2006):
 Do you mean erotic stories?!?
Ummm, personally I'm don't mind porn per-se (although I would mind if he was looking at it in secret.)
But turning your question on it's head, I imagine that reading sex stories could be quite an erotic thing to share - do you think your lady would be up for that? (That way - it's not about something you're doing that doesn't involve her?)
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A
male
reader, James55UK +, writes (9 August 2006):
 I don't think it is really a bad idea at reading sex stories because your not looking at other womens body. So in my mind no it's not a bad thing to do.
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