A
male
 ,
anonymous
writes:Hi Everyone,This is going to be long.I'm not a player or anything, decent guy, however I am very good looking, I'm a suit, and I'm pretty 'alpha' guy. However, I am absolutely nervous right now and need some advice because I don't know what to do.Started talking to a girl at the office (does the same job I do but different floor) about a month ago. She is the best looking girl in this entire building, literally 10/10 by any guys standard. She is the stereotypical cocky, loud, party girl with some serious self esteem issues as well.Started talking to her at a Christmas Dinner, made out, text back and forth since then...started going for coffees during work, smoke breaks etc. Very very resistant to going out on actual dates, and even resistant to meeting up when I'm out at clubs and stuff (only got her to come out again once in a 6 week period). HOWEVER whenever I expressed any indication that if she didn't want to hang out outside of work that it was a waste of time for me- She'd aggressively argue the point and keep me talking to her. I figured typical hard to get style girl, or she was keeping me in the cue and playing me hard. Was difficult to totally freeze her out because to be honest the hard to get stuff keeps me interested.Last night ended up at same club, this is also after a week where I really stepped my game up when I could and she showed alot of 'romantic'/'flirty' interest. Ended up going back to her house, and did the deed . After this she ends up talking alot and basically explaining why she is very resistant to dating me:1)Thinks I'm arrogant2)Said that she thinks the next guy she is going to date seriously she will end up marrying and this is an issue since I am 25 and she is 27 and she doesn't think I have the same Mindset/maturityI'm pretty sure I can get her into a 'sex' sort of relationship but I want something more.....How do I navigate this? I am actually somewhat romantically interested in her...:(
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 February 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionUPDATE:Thanks for the responses so far and I am looking for more!I might've goofed this situation up a bit. Via text we had a discussion about the situation. Essentially I asked her out again and she started giving excuses. I explained that I could handle and would prefer a yes or no answer. She said she wasn't saying no and kept providing excuses. I went ahead and with saying that I understood her reservations, but she wouldn't know anything unless she gave me a chance. She replied by saying that I didn't really know her and she was giving me a chance and more so than most guys. I said a few more things and she got a bit irritated...asking me why I was rushing her...wasn't ready to be rushed...said that I see her every day at work (coffees and stuff) and not going out for drinks wasn't that big of a deal. We ended up agreeing to drop the topic.But now I am left even more confused. What should my next steps be and can I get some more opinions?
A
female
reader, Jayeanna  +, writes (5 February 2013):
Did you consider that it is human nature to want what you cannot have? Your attraction to her is based in your responses to yourself. You don't really know her do you? And in not dating you she is ensuring your obsession with her. Back off quickly and watch her chase YOU. It's nature. But beware. Do you really want abserious relationship with a woman who parties and is herself arrogant? Yes. SHE is the one projecting HER knowledge of her own arrogance onto YOU. Find someone worthy of the title "mother of my children"
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A
female
reader, Soldierette  +, writes (2 February 2013):
 Dating is called the "honeymoon" period in my world..If she feels that u r arrogant- u probably made her feel that way in someway and she feels ur full of urself.. try talking less about u n more about what she likes and be interested in her..women really hate over confident and arrogant males..we think u lot think ur gods..when in fact half of u turn up to be mommys boys n have no clue what u want from life.. makes us feel like we are wrong dating people like yourself..Age is nothing but a number, I'm married to a man 3 yrs younger to me but we connect on a mutual level when it comes to understanding..maturity does have some play in relationships but u need to be on an understanding level.. for some people this characteristic is given off in the wrong way.. its no fault of yours but sometimes it just comes off wrong.. laughing at silly things, finding things funny that other people wouldn't etc..Point being is this: dont change the way that u r for someone else, u end up not being true to yourself, and if u try n change someones else n fall for them thats just compromise which leads life the wrong way..It's great to be arrogant n be yourself, thats what makes us all different..can u imagine how boring the world would be if everyone was the same??Seems like there's more to this girl then she's letting on n the best thing to do now is back off a bit n just let it ride out.. if u seriously can't wait n need to know what's going to happen in the future n where it will lead ur relationship to just ask her to sit down n talk to youUltimately only u n her know what u both want from this..just be yourself and dont try too hard..chances r she prob won't be getting married to the next guy..we all make our future from our decisions n only u r in control of your life..good luck
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A
female
reader, janniepeg +, writes (2 February 2013):
 Then you tell her the same thing. The next woman you date is someone you will get married to. Dating is a process of getting to know each other. You may be incompatible at the end but at least she wants you to be ready for marriage if there is the potential. I don't think you have to back off yet. You have to convince her that you can make her happy. She doesn't think you have the same mindset/maturity. Do you agree with that? Does wanting marriage and kids automatically make one more mature?
She is not completely shutting you out. She wants you to break that stereotype that young guys seem to have, which is only wanting fun not wanting to settle down. If she refuses dates that means she is not even giving you that chance. Don't be her boy toy. Keep asking her out if she doesn't want to go out with you it means she feels more secure with an older man.
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