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*irefaery
writes: I just started dating this guy three months ago, and he's the first boyfriend I've had after ending a six-year relationship a little over a fifteen months ago. When I hooked up with him, I hadn't had sex in over a year--lots of life issues. Well, sex with him was awesome. Foreplay especially is amazing--he's giving, and good with his hands and everything. He gets me very turned on. The problem is, at least two-thirds of the time either a. sex doesn't last long enough for me to come or b. sex lasts long enough, but all he does is go rough and hard, the way he likes it. I like rough sex too, and it feels good. I just don't orgasm that way, and I've told him that in order for me to orgasm I have to go slower. He still often just goes rough, and disregards my attempts to slow it down.... plus, I'm a lucky woman; I'm very orgasmic. I can come most every time I have sex, and often more than once. But with him, it's starting to become a rarity. Often, he stops *right* when im just really starting to feel it coming on. I know I need to be more vocal, but for some reason, I'm shy with him. I'm not a shy person at all, but he's the first guy I've slept with in so long, and we have such an amazing chemistry and we are both so happy with each other--and I've never had this problem with a guy before, actually. I've been blessed with considerate lovers, and this is the first guy I've ever had the problem of not satisfying me like this. How do I go about this???
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reader, dear caroline +, writes (24 June 2005):
Obviously rough sex really does turn him on, maybe that's the only way he can climax? Who knows? Talk to him! Don't be shy, tell him how you feel. As a woman I know how you are feeling, so how about you take the lead and be a little more domineering between the sheets? I'm sure that you can think of a few good sexual positions, where you can take the lead, take it slow, just how you say you like it, take it at your pace until you climax and then you can start getting rougher, how he likes it, then you will be both satisfied. But if this continues and you feel nothing has changed or you feel he is being inconsiderate, then maybe you should decide whether this man really is for you. I know you say he's a great lover and that he does all the right things but obviously this is bothering you, as I say so talk to him, tell him or show him what turns you on. I'm sure he will get a lot of pleasure in finding out what. And if you really want to slow him down, maybe you should cuff him? Go for it! good luck! have fun!
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reader, Rebecca Batchelor +, writes (22 June 2005):
 There is only one way to go about it, I'm afraid. You have to tell him how you feel and what turns you on.
Explain to him how much you love foreplay and that you also like rough sex too but in order for you to have an orgasm through intercourse, it needs to be a little slower.
The way to do it is to tell him how much you enjoy making love with him so that he doesn't feel you are criticising his performance and then to explain what you would like him to do. Make it seem as if you wish to experiment because you want to experience full pleasure.
I wonder if he is aware that you are not orgasming? I know it isn't an easy subject to bring up but in this circumstance, it would be a little difficult to show him what you want as it is more to do with the intercourse than actually touching or stroking.
He may find it extremely pleasurable himself if he went a little slower.
Of course, another option would be to orgasm during foreplay as he seems to be very good and attentive at this.
Try to talk to him when the mood is right. Do it gently and tactfully and he will more than likely make it his goal to hopefully take you to the heights of passion.
Good luck.
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reader, MyKhemikalRomanze +, writes (22 June 2005):
Just tell him the truth! Just tell him that he needs to not be so rough and tell him that you like it when you get pleasure too. Just come right out of the hole and tell him how you feel, then you'll feel more comfortable around that person and not as shy.
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