A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I need some good advice. I have been dating a man for about six months now. It was never really traditional, because when he asked me to make it official I declined. I was still a little bit hurt from a relationship in my past, as was he. I was thinking where could this even go, so I decided to take it day by day.Ever since the rejection he became a little more gaurded but overall he was still great. He always called me, the whole time we have been together he always wants to call or text me. He hasn't really pulled any disspearing crap or backing off like some guys tend to do.There have been hurtful things he has said to me, and I have said hurtful things as well. One of the things he said made me insecure (he said he said it out of anger/frustation and that he didn't mean it at all) but it was hard for me to get over.He told me I was reall beautiful but he's seen better women(No I don't think im the queen of the world, I just think when you are with someone you don't compare them, they are the best in your eyes). This is after I asked him what he thought about me over and over again and he got "very irritated" in his own words. He says he was irritated because for months he was telling me how he thought i was precious and cute and beautiful and I just disregarded it. I would actually tell him not to say it, and he said I have no idea how that made him feel. I'm just someone who gets embarresed by compliments... He spends so much time now trying to prove it's not what he really thinks by proving his real feelings and just saying really sweet things. Part of me still wonders is that how he really sees me?We both have major insecurities, which is what made everything hard. To be fair on the both of us...were not in the best position right now as far as where we want to be in our lives. Sure were young, hes a bit older than me but We are kind of stressed about other things. Mainly financial situations, things like that. In my particular case I feel like the financial situation I have been in lately has made it hard for met to be myself. I'm not as carefree as usual, and with him his financial situation is one of his insecurities. I have called him cheap before because I feel like he doesn't ever get me flowers or take me out as much as I would like. I am no idiot, I know he can't spend a lot but something once n a while would be nice.Anyways we both really like eachother, but the past week I have just been snapping on him. It has never happened this way but its like deep inside I resent him or something....for what he said to me, for how this relationship seemed so promising and how it turned out. Also the fact that he just doesn't open up enough in general, and I know it is difficult because he has some emotional things going on with his younger sister passing away the past year, he had a major car accident, and getting out of a relationship with a girl that is actually the cause of the accident (she chased him and hit his car). This girl did a lot of crazy things to him, but I don't want to pay for it. I just wish it was like the beginning when we were more carefree, and not holding back. He told me because of how i criticized him that he now finds it harder to open up to me although he wants to.I still care a lot about him and he does with me. I told him yesterday that I think maybe we shouldn't speak anymore, because I don't know where things are going and him not opening up etc. I have said this before but he always convinced me not to. Well yesterday I decided I can't let that happen. I do want to be with him, and be happy with him. I just want this all under different terms. I know I can't put a pause button on him or life, but....do you guys think perhaps my absense will make him try harder to change certain things? I am definitly taking this time to think about my anger/emotional issues and forgive certain things and start fresh. If he really wants me he will try to get me back, right? If not that means it wasn't really meant to be? Did I make the right choice?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, angelDlite  +, writes (17 January 2011):
 hi
you seem to be emotionally high maintenance. (because you are insecure and wanting to see how far you can push him to test how much he likes you?)
you have pushed him away throughout this relationship even though you know he is insecure too and now you are not happy that he then retreated from you a bit.
when you say you want the relationship, but on 'different terms' does that mean 'your terms'?
he has had a lot to deal with in the past year, as you know, and you are more concerned that he no longer calls you precious, cute and beautiful (after you told him you didn't like it, remember?) i am saying this to you now for your own sake: 'grow up princess!' else no man will ever be good enough for you
he has told you that he doesn't open to you now because you have criticised him so much, but instead of actually taking that on board and maybe 'genuinely 'apologising', you have decided to threaten him with 'lets stop speaking' again, but this time he has agreed, so you want him back.
why do you think it is therefore HIM that tries to win YOU back?? in my opinion, for what its worth, i think you should get over yourself and try to get HIM back.
i am sorry if you don't like what i say, but the post you've written paints a picture of a very selfish girl. i hope you can do things differently if this guy wants to give you another chance
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