A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I am 20 years old. I have been with my boyfriend who is 25 for a year and a half. We moved in with each other pretty much straight away, about three months in... for the first 3 months of being with him we had sex maybe twice a day... always texting dirty messages and pictures.he used to think i had an amazing body and would do anything for me.soon after he started to taunt me when i'd send him things like that so i have learned to stop... so for people saying maybe i should spice up the relationship... i really have no idea how to.He doesn't comment on my looks, only tells me i'm stupid or annoying in jest i suppose, belittles my job.. in jest i suppose... he doesnt want to take me out, never wants sex, i asked him why and we have had many arguements over it which isn't what i wanted. i only wanted him to know that i don't feel very special.. I didn't want to put pressure on him. I buy really nice lingerie, and i am a very sexual person.I have changed my apperance, i have lightened my hair and lost about a stone in weight, i never thought i was ugly but now i feel that if my own boyfriend doesn't want to touch me that i need to change something.... Is it just a case that he has fallen out of love with me? he used to make me feel so special and promised me that he'd do anything to make me happy... now when i come in from work he barely speaks to me, just plays xbox... i don't finish work til 10pm when its dark and very dodgy in my area, and he refuses to meet me anywhere despite me being followed home one night and a guy getting into our apartment building.My friends say he has no right to comment on how i look, he thinks i should tone up, but he's about 18 or 19 stone... i think he is so handsome and he used to be so so sweet, but i may be dwelling on the past and hoping that things will go back to how they were....he comments on every other woman, be it girls on tv, in bars, in work, on the bus, and even though i put so much effort in he never says anything nice about me... and i feel a bit worthless compared to them.. i don't do this to him.. i tell him he is handsome all the time. i just want an outsiders opinion.. is there anything you would suggest i do to get the spark back? I know I am an attractive, nice, smart girl... but i just want him to feel the way he used to feel about me.. i don't like playing games, but even when i try to suggest breaking up or working things out he is completely indifferent. he has kicked me out of the bed once or twice, never helps with washing, he jhits me a lot but its messing... it hurts but i don't think he means to hurt me. he held me down while the dog scrapped my face one night... writing all this down is making me wonder why the hell i am with him but i really want to try work things out and what i have tried won't work.Thank you :o)
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female
reader, Red591  +, writes (5 October 2011):
 You definately need to change something. HIM. My ex got this way before we split. It was hard to see what an ass he had become while I was with him but now I simply pity whatever girl gets with him. He is romantic in beginning and a prick once newness wears off. Trust me on this: HE WON'T CHANGE BACK to the guy you met. Ditch him and find someone that doesn't fizzle out after the first year.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (4 October 2011):
 teasing, taunting, belittling and telling you that you are stupid or annoying ARE NOT DONE IN JEST. These are signs of emotional abuse.
So he holds you down so the dog can have at you? That's physical abuse.
Tell me again why you are with him???
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A
female
reader, angelDlite  +, writes (4 October 2011):
 sorry to say this but i don't think it is worth you trying to work things out with him. you are the only one out of the two of you that cares about this relationship. how has he switched from being so nice to taking the p!ss out of you all the time? sort of makes me wonder if THIS what you are seeing now is the REAL him, the nice guy you met was just a version of himself designed to hook you. you are young and have your life ahead of you, why would you want to spend it with someone who makes you feel like this?
x
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A
male
reader, C. Grant  +, writes (4 October 2011):
 You've described him taunting you, belittling you, and even hitting you, all "in jest." He's uninterested in your welfare if he can't be bothered to escort you at night in a bad part of town. He notices other women but not you.
My question to you is, why do you want the spark back? What do you feel you're getting out of this relationship? The situation you're in is, frankly, abusive. Certainly it's emotionally abuse if he's putting you down all the time, and arguably physically abusive as well.
If my daughter described a relationship the way you have, I would be bending over backward to tell her how much better she deserves. The guy you're with should always build you up -- tell you how pretty, clever, kind you are. He should never lay a hand on you. He should be willing to put his life on the line for you -- and never let you walk alone through a dodgy area.
The bottom line is that you deserve far, far better than this guy. But you will get the treatment you permit. So it's up to you to demand better -- either from this loser, or better, from the next guy.
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A
male
reader, GhostChild  +, writes (4 October 2011):
 This man is abusive to you. Perhaps you see your issues as just another relationship that may be losing its spark, but he has physically, emotionally and mentally been abusing you.
What the problem I believe is, is that you two moved in too quickly before you really got a chance to get to know each other properly. Relationships take time and work, and you can be together for months, or even years, before you even fully get used to each other and understand each other.
You need to talk to this guy, try to reason with him and tell him how you feel. But I have a feeling that he can't be reasoned with. If he can't, then you should get over him and walk. Real men don't treat their girlfriends that way.
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